Patrick Jane quotes from The Mentalist

Jane

So you have done some research on me.

Kristina

I have now. Red John murdered your family. I'm very sorry for your loss. Is that why you gave up your calling?

Jane

Calling? Is that what this is?

Kristina

Yeah. Calling, gift, as you like. There's no doubt that you have it. Why did you give it up?

Jane

It's the suits. Chafing. Horrible.

Jane

You're good.

Kristina

I like to think so.

Jane

Yes, you do.

Kristina

I think it's important to love one's self. How do you feel about yourself?

Jane

Oh, you tell me. And forget about the $500 an hour. I'm on civil service pay.

Kristina

Okay, for free then. I think you act assured and arrogant, but inside you are troubled with deep guilt and self-loathing. A recent trauma in your past perhaps? But you're more than a little unstable. [To Lisbon] You have your work cut out for you.

Jane

If anyone needs arresting, it's Kristina Frye. She knew that Rosemary was in danger. She knew where to find the car, the murder weapon, which means that she either does have supernatural powers or she was involved in the crime.

Lisbon

Come on. She simply did what you do so well. With an air of confidence, she made an educated guess. Where else would you dump a car around here? She's a good guesser.

Jane

Well, I guess that's a possibility, too.

Lisbon

Yes, and that's what you object to, isn't it? Not that she's a con artist but that she's so good at it. Maybe even better than you.

Jane

Not at all. I... All right, yes. Not better than me, mind you, but she is good, and it's the good ones that are the most dangerous.

Jane

Where're we going?

Lisbon

To the zoo. They have new tiger cubs.

Jane

Oh. Liar.

Lisbon

Oh, very good.

Jane

Nice to be nice. But if you wanna get ahead in life, sometimes you have to be a bitch. I know you know how.

Van Pelt

Gee, thanks.

Lisbon

You okay?

Jane

Assault, assault!

Lisbon

I would rethink this new technique of yours.

Jane

[Holding his nose] Yeah. Yeah, I can't disagree.

Jane

It's funny what bad liars cops are. I guess they're not used to concealing themselves under questioning.

Lisbon

I'm a cop and I lie to you all the time, you never catch it.

Jane

I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but you're translucent, my dear. I always know when you're lying. Sometimes I let you think you've fooled me just so you don't feel bad.

Lisbon

Name one time.

Jane

Last thanksgiving you said you were going back East to your brother's house, but I knew you actually planned to have three days at home alone to watch old movies and eat ice cream.

Lisbon

Okay, so that's one time.

Jane

He's not gonna talk. Poor soul.

Lisbon

He made his bed. He can lie in it.

Jane

You know, I never understood that one. Just because someone makes their bed, why do they have to lie in it? What's to stop them from lying in another bed? Or on the floor for that matter.

Lisbon

When are you gonna learn to cool it without being told?

Jane

Oh, come on. They pissed you off, too, the sexist pigs.

Lisbon

They were.

Jane

I just said they were.

Lisbon

You were saying it ironically.

Lisbon

Is this the only .38 in your possession?

Yes it is. [To Jane] And if you try to hold my hand again I'm gonna tear your arm off and beat you unconscious with it. Get me?

Jane

Got you.

Jane

We've never discussed this because I thought it went without saying, but when I catch Red John, I'm gonna cut him open and watch him die slowly like he did with my wife and child. [Lisbon just stares at him quietly] If you have a problem with that, we should talk.

Lisbon

Then let's talk. Because when we catch Red John, we are gonna take him into custody and he's gonna be tried in a court of law.

Jane

Not if I'm still breathing.

Lisbon

If you try and do violence to him, I will try and stop you. If you succeed in doing violence to him, I will arrest you.

Jane

I understand.

Lisbon

I hope so.

Jane

Well, I'm glad we talked. I had no idea you were so bourgeois and conventional on the issue.

Jane

If he's here, how is the killer gonna get to him?

Lisbon

He could be the killer. Even if he's not, we don't want the killer to get him.

Jane

Yes, we do. Machado is our bait. He's our tethered goat.

Lisbon

And too bad if the bait gets killed?

Jane

Well, yes. That's why you use goats and not babies or virgins for that matter.

Lisbon

Machado's not a goat.

Jane

You're right, he's not actually a goat. He's goatish. He deserves to suffer.

Lisbon

Nobody deserves murder.

Jane

Machado helped burn Dave Martin alive out of greed.

Lisbon

Jane, we're officers of the law.

Jane

You are. I don't care about the law. I care about justice, and justice says Machado deserves to suffer.

Lisbon

That's not justice, it's vengeance.

Jane

What's the difference?

Jane

That was close. Where were you guys?

Rigsby

We called in to check out a lead.

Cho

Yeah, Lisbon didn't know you were about to pull an idiotic stunt, sorry.

Jane

No hard feelings.

Lisbon

Seems like this whole thing has changed your mind about vengeance.

Jane

Has it?

Lisbon

"Revenge is for fools and madmen"?

Jane

Yeah, that was rather good, I thought. Total nonsense, but quite good nonetheless.

Lisbon

Where do you get off giving orders in the first place? I say who goes and who stays, not you.

Jane

Well, that's, uh, fiery but calm. Very good. Why don't you try it with a more forceful hand gesture, like... [he demonstrates...] I say who goes and who stays, not you.

Lisbon

I'm serious.