Patrick Jane quotes from The Mentalist

Jane

A decision science consultant?

Lisbon

Don't start. This is way above us. If we're good to the feds, the feds will be good to us. When in doubt, don't act out.

Jane

You just made a rhyme. When are we ever in doubt?

Lisbon

Seriously, you start trouble and I will --

Jane

Burst my bubble?

If you're so sure that it's not the Caveman, why are you reading up on his file?

Jane

I like to read. I have insomnia. I don't like warm milk. I'm lactose intolerant. I could go on.

Did you know that habitual mockery is a strong indicator of depression?

Jane

No. But thank you for enlightening me.

Jane

Life is just one giant mathematical equation for you, isn't it?

I would like that, I confess.

Agent, I'm not opposed to extending a professional courtesy, but your man ignored a reasonable request from my officer and fled.

Lisbon

And he will pay the ticket.

Jane

Nah. Speed traps: legalized extortion. If you want people to slow down, park out in the open where they can see you, but no. You lay in wait like thieves in the night.

Lisbon

He will pay the ticket today.

Jane

I'm not going to pay it.

Lisbon

Jane.

Jane

I'm not going to pay it!

Lisbon

Stop. Stop!

Jane

[to the chief] Extortionists.

What is he doing? [to Lisbon] Could you please control your man?

Jane

Oh, believe me, she's tried.

How do you sleep at night?

Jane

Most nights, I don't.

Lisbon

Tell us about the victim.

Jane

Look! A hawk! Family of hawks. Ah, they're gone. Wow.

Rick Loomis. Been in town five months. He's dead in his truck by the creek.

Jane

Well, maybe he died of happiness - too much natural beauty. It's the Stendhal Syndrome.

No...

Jane

No?

He was shot in the head.

Jane

Oh, well. Never mind. [taking in the landscape] Beautiful!

Jane

Hey, Lisbon.

Jane

No, Hightower! I didn't even know you had legs.

Let's go. What were you doing back there?

Jane

Five-card draw.

For money?!

Jane

No! For gold.

Oh, gold, gold. That makes it all right, then.

Jane

You're really committed to keeping your temper contained, huh. What's up with that?

You're really committed to testing my temper, huh. What's up with that?

Jane

Idle curiosity. [Wes Atwood emerges from his store and Jane ducks down and hugs Hightower]

What - What are you doing?

Jane

I'm hiding from Wes Atwood.

Why?

Jane

Because we're gonna follow him.

Thanks for not asking questions.

Jane

Oh, no need to ask questions when you know all the answers.

Jane

Ah. Yes. Jeff, what did your dad stop doing recently?

Uh... washing himself?

Jane

Is he dead?

Yes.

Jane

You know, I should applaud your bravery but I gotta say...practically speaking, what were you thinking? You could have killed me.

I'm sorry. I got mad. I didn't know what I was thinking.

Jane

That was some good shooting though. That leg shot that took him down was very precise.

[smirks]: I was aiming for his head.

Jane

Oh, fantastic.

[answers the door] Jane.

Jane

LaRoche, you have a house and a fluffy white dog. Are those Hummel figurines?

Yeah. You find that amusing?

Jane

I just didn't picture you living in an actual house.

Where did you think I live?

Jane

In a burrow on a riverbank or something like that.

Jane

I'm better off alone.

Nobody is better off alone.

[as Jane catches her smoking] What?

Jane

I didn't say anything.

You were thinking it. Mentalizing me.

Jane

You can tell?

I can read it on your face. So stop.

Jane

Well, if you can read it on my face, then you're mentalizing me, so you stop. [Hightower sighs] No, on second thought, keep going. What am I thinking?

Please go away, Jane.

Jane

No, that's wrong. Try again.