Patrick Jane quotes from The Mentalist

Lisbon

There is an explosive device of some kind under your bed.

Oh my god. [He starts to get up from his bed]

Lisbon

Wait.

Wait?

Lisbon

Just let me get a better look. [Looks under the bed] No, I don't think there's a pressure trigger. You can get up now.

You don't think?

Lisbon

I'm sure it doesn't. Timer's set to go off in 10 minutes, so we have plenty of time. If you'll just get out of the bed slowly. We don't wanna jar the device in anyway.

Jane

Boom!

Lisbon

For God's sakes!

Jane

Sorry, I couldn't resist.

You have no legal proof whatsoever.

Jane

Meh. Legal proof will be found, no doubt, but personally I don't need it. I just like to know that I'm right.

Jane

Talk to me.

Lisbon

Do I have to?

Jane

No, I can just fall asleep and we can drift into oncoming traffic. Your call.

Lisbon

[She opens her eyes and sighs] Have you seen any good movies lately?

Jane

No. You?

Lisbon

No.

Jane

Interesting.

Lisbon

You threw a cat, all right. What valuable insight did you glean as a result?

Jane

Nothing. It's a little disappointing.

Lisbon

Well, maybe, just maybe, this case is exactly what it looks like. Bitter unsubs with a grudge against the fat cats.

Jane

Nice drive though.

Lisbon

Nice three hour drive.

Jane

We should talk to the Carnelian executives again. Throw a cat among the pigeons.

Lisbon

You think? Why?

Jane

What if this is not what it looks like it's about. What if it's something else entirely.

Lisbon

Like?

Jane

I don't know.

Lisbon

So you're suggesting we throw a blind cat among the pigeons?

Jane

Yeah.

Lisbon

No.

Jessie Skelling

I can't even look at you people, you make me so mad. Lee's done nothing. Nothing.

Jane

Jessie, if your husband is innocent then we're your best friends. We'll prove he's innocent. Will you help us?

David would want us to continue.

Yes, he would. Yes, he would. David would never back down.

Jane

David wouldn't want you to respectfully acknowledge his tragic and untimely death? Oh, well, okay. He wouldn't want it to interfere with your kayaking schedule.

Jane

Wait. I think we should wait.

Lisbon

What for? What could possibly happen?

Jane

I have no idea, but it's a pleasant spot, and I have sandwiches.

Jane

Where is it?

Lisbon

Mojave Desert. Middle of nowhere. Quarter of a mile from the highway.

Jane

Interesting.

Lisbon

Boring. Three hours away.

Jane

Desert's beautiful this time of year. Let's all go. We can bring a picnic lunch.

Lisbon

Someone has to stay and answer the phones.

Cho

He's from the A.G's office. We're catching a hot one.

Jane

Hooray. I was about to go mad with boredom.

Grace

Don't say hooray. Someone's died.

Jane

Well, if they have, my happiness makes no difference to them.

Grace

Nor does catching their killer for that matter.

Jane

True, but it makes a difference to the killer.

Jane

Look what I found.

Lisbon

What is it?

Jane

It's a worm, fossilized worm.

Lisbon

I'm happy for you.

Cho

Alright, this is it. This is the spot.

Rigsby

11:04 and change. Right on time.

Lisbon

For what?

Cho

There's still 15 seconds to go.

Jane

You know, when this worm was alive, this whole desert was the floor of a great sea. There were dinosaurs swimming above us.

Rigsby

That is kind of awesome.

Jane

Yeah.

Jane

Sharks the size of buses, brilliantly colored sea monsters. Those mountains, they would have been volcanoes.

Cho

This is a goat turd about six months old.

Jane

Really, you don't trust me?

Lisbon

Of course not. How many times have you lied to me, misled me, tricked me? Is that trust? No.

Jane

Well, we have to remedy this. Let's do a trust fall.

Lisbon

A trust fall?

Jane

Yeah. I'm sure you did one on your CBI retreat. It's when you turn around and fall backward, and I catch you.

Lisbon

Oh, yes, we did do that.

Jane

Mm-hmmm.

Lisbon

No.

Jane

You won't?

Lisbon

We have a long drive still.

Jane

Ah. Here we have two co-workers recognizing the boundaries of their professional relationship. See, you want to trust me, but there's something holding you back.

Lisbon

Yes. You're untrustworthy. It's my job not to trust you.

Jane

Lisbon, I want you to know that you can trust me. No matter what happens, I will be there for you. I will. I need you to know that.

Lisbon

What's in the bag?

Jane

Oh. A picnic lunch.

Lisbon

What's in the bag?

Jane

A bomb.

Lisbon

Ha ha ha. What's in the bag? Seriously.

Jane

Seriously. A bomb.

Rigsby

He's lying.

Jane

Is he?

Rigsby

Given that the girl he dragged in is not actually a bag of spuds like he says, then yeah.

Jane

It's not lying if he believes it.

Rigsby

True.

Lisbon

We better go pick up Daniel.

Jane

If we walk, you can burn some case-closed pizza calories.

Lisbon

Ha, ha. Cute.