Kyon quotes from The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya

Haruhi

Listen! This isn't fun and games! You mess around and I'll kill ya!

Kyon

UGH!

Haruhi

What time do you think it is you idiot?

Kyon

Sorry I just woke up.

Haruhi

Huh, what did you say?

Kyon

Were supposed to meet you at 4 right?

Haruhi

Get your butt back here you got 30 seconds!

Kyon

I had my work cut out for me, but getting her to move while she's reading is impossible. First you had to get her a library card, so she can check out the book.

Kyon

What the hell, is she serious? Wait what just happened? Why is Asakura coming after me with a knife? Whoa wait a minute, what did she just say "I'm gonna kill you"?

Kyon

Stop kidding around! You're gonna hurt someone with that! Even if that's a rubber knife, you're scaring the hell out of me!

Ryoko

You think it's a…joke? Huh. You don't want to die? You don't want me to kill you? I'm sorry, but I just don't understand the concept of death regarding organic lifeforms.

Kyon.

Okay, this isn't funny anymore! I don't know why you're doing this, but please, just put the knife down!

Ryoko

I can't, because whether you care about it or not, I really do want you to die.

Yuki

I forgot to recreate the glasses.

Kyon

Oh, it's okay. I think you look cuter without them. Besides, I don't have a glasses fetish.

Yuki

...what's a glasses fetish?

Kyon

N-Never mind! Forget I said anything!

Yuki

...I see.

Taniguchi

[enters] What is up? I for-for-forgot my bag. Eh? AHHH!

Kyon

[thinking] Mom, Dad, if you saw how me and Nagato were positioned right now...you'd probably think we were getting it on as well.

Taniguchi

Okay...TAKE YOUR TIME! [quickly exits]

Yuki

...interesting human.

Haruhi

You know, Kyon...have you ever realized just how insignificant your existence on this planet really is?

Kyon...

[thinking] Now what is she talking about?

Haruhi

It happened to me. And I'll never forget it. Back when I was in the sixth grade, my whole family went out to go watch a baseball game at the stadium. I didn't really care about baseball, but I was surprised by what I saw when we got there. Everywhere I looked, I saw people. On the other side of the stadium, the people looked so small, like little moving grains of rice. It was so crowded. I thought that everyone in Japan had to be packed in there. So I turned to my dad and asked him, "Do you know how many people are here right now"? He said since the stadium was full, probably fifty thousand. After the game, the street was filled with people and I was really shocked to see that, too. To me, it seemed like there was a ton of people there. But then, I realized it could only be a tiny fraction of all the people in Japan. When I got home, I pulled out my calculator. In social studies, I'd learned that the population of Japan was a hundred some odd million. So I divided that by fifty thousand. The answer was one two-thousandth. That shocked me even more. I was only one little person in that big crowded stadium filled with people, and believe me, there were so many people there, but it was just a handful of the entire population. Up till then, I always thought that I was, I don't know, kind of a special person. It was fun to be with my family. I had fun with my classmates. And the school that I was going to, it had just about the most interesting people anywhere. But that night, I realized it wasn't true. All the stuff we did during class that I thought was so fun and cool, was probably happening just like that in classes in other schools all over Japan. There was nothing special about my school at all. When I realized that, it suddenly felt like the whole world around me started to fade into a dull gray void. Brushing my teeth and going to sleep at night, waking up and eating breakfast in the morning, that stuff happened all over the place. They were everyday things that everybody was doing. When I thought about it like that, everything became boring. If there's really that many people in the world, then there had to be someone who wasn't ordinary. There had to be someone who was living an interesting life. There just had to be. But why wasn't I that person? So, that's how I felt till I finished elementary school. And then I had another realization. I realized fun things wouldn't come my way just by waiting for them. I thought when I got into junior high, it was time for me to make a change. I'd let the world know I wasn't a girl who was happy sitting around waiting. And I've done my best to become that person. But in the end, nothing happened. More time went by and before I knew it, I was in high school. I thought that something would change.

Kyon

[Thinking] The passing train gave me a moment to think about my response. Should I voice an opposing viewpoint? Maybe I should wax philosophical about her dilemma. [Aloud] ...I see. [Thinking] I must be getting melancholic if that's the best I could come up with.

Itsuki

You're the new Adam and Eve. Go on, procreate, increase the population.

Kyon..

I'll punch you for that!

Mikuru

[Gasps] KYON! [Tearfully] I'm so glad you're back! I'm so glad to see you again! I thought ... I mean ... you'd NEVER make it back!

Kyon..

Miss Asahina ...

Mikuru

No-no-no-no-no!!! If Miss Suzumiya saw us together, it'd be like birds of a feather repeating their mistakes again!

Kyon

On the day of the tournament, I was wondering if it was possible to make it rain. You know, a big one that'd cancel the game with a rain delay.

Yuki

It is possible, but I would advise against it.

Kyon

Yeah, why's that?

Yuki

Any alteration of the regional climate could possibly have devastating aftereffects on the ecosystem of the planet.

Kyon

And about when would these aftereffects happen?

Yuki

Several hundred to ten thousand years.

Kyon

Then I guess we'd better not try to do that, right?

Yuki

Right.

Kyon

Hey, Haruhi, don't you think it'd be better if you pulled your ships back a little bit? Your fleet shouldn't be so far in front of us.

Haruhi

What are you talking about?! I wanna shoot beams and missiles at the enemy too!

Kyon

Look, when you're playing shogi or chess, the king isn't the one who charges into enemy territory.

Haruhi

Oh, yeah. Good thinking. Okay, Kyon, you guys take care of it. Go find the enemy leader and give him a good pummeling with your cannons! And make sure you win! I want you to take those fools from the Computer Club… AND BEAT THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS OUT OF THOSE GEEK BOYS!

Kyon

[thinking] Wouldn't it be better if we just raised the white flag now? [aloud] Well, I guess that's not gonna be an option today.

Kyon

[thinking] Every day, I hang out with an alien, a time traveler, and an esper...and I'm still as sane and objective as ever. Hmm...I wonder if that makes me special or something. I'm sure Lacan's dying to have a word with me!

Itsuki

You seem worried. Is something wrong?

Kyon..

[aloud] Nope. I was just thinking about how awesome I am for being able to cope with this absurd situation. And if you ask me, I think I'm due for a little praise.

Itsuki

You're right. Well, would you like me to give you some words of praise, then?

Kyon..

You praising me won't make me any happier. All it will do is make me think you've got something up your sleeve.

Itsuki

[laughs] True enough!

Kyon

Say good night!

Haruhi

[over the radio] Damn you, Kyon! That's my enemy!

Kyon

Wow, he's driving his fleet right into our sights.

Itsuki

Like a mouse caught in a trap.

Mikuru

Uh, am I supposed to shoot this thing?

Haruhi

I don't get what just happened, but great job, guys! All ships, open fire! Go out there and burn the enemy leader with all the fires of hell!

Haruhi

He's getting away!

[as his ship is exploding around him] This isn't happening! GLORY TO THE COMPUTER CLUB!

YOU WIN

Kyon

Something's wrong. That's what it felt like anyway. The game on TV was between schools from another town. I had nothing to do with either school but because I tend to sympathize with underdogs, I found myself rooting for the losing team. And it was right about then that I suddenly got the feeling Haruhi was going to call. What does she want?

Your phone’s ringing, Kyon!

Haruhi Suzumiya

These two guys are my brigade members, and they do what I say, so if you want something you can ask them!

Mikuru Asahina

Oh, Kyon... I can't... I can't go back to the future!

Itsuki Koizumi

I'll explain it the best I can. We're currently stuck in a time loop that seems to have no end to it.

Kyon

Huh? A what?

Itsuki

We're currently stuck in a time loop that seems to have no end to it.

Kyon

Uh...

Itsuki

We're currently stuck in a time loop that seems to have no end...

Haruhi Suzumiya

Hm, okay. I guess that we did everything we set out to do this summer, so that's good enough.

Kyon

No, it's not, Haruhi. Not by a long shot, you're still not satisfied.

Kyon

I still have something I want to do! That's right, homework! I haven't done a single bit of my summer homework. Until I do, my summer isn't over! Koizumi! Are you finished yet? Then let's work on it together. Nagato, you come over, too. You're still not done yet, right? Miss Asahina, please come, too. Let's do this at my house. Bring all of your notebooks and textbooks, and let's do it all together. We're going to finish off all of our summer activities. Nagato, Koizumi, let me copy the stuff you've finished. All right, we're starting tomorrow morning. We're going to do what we can in one day!

Haruhi Suzumiya

Wait right there. Don't you just make a decision like that! I'm the leader. At times like this, you need to ask my opinion first. Kyon, acting without my permission is against the rules! I'm going too!