Taniguchi quotes from The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya

Taniguchi

Hey, Kyon. You need to tell me what kind of magic spell you're using!

Kyon

What're you talking about?

Taniguchi

I have never seen Suzumiya talk that long before, and I'm not exaggerating, man! The hell'd you say to her?

Kyon

[Thinking] Huh...Wonder what I could have said to her...I think it was all pretty random stuff.

Taniguchi

This is a phenomenon.

Kyon's always gone after the strange ones. The weirder the better.

Kyon

Little louder, please, so everyone can hear you. [Ryoko approaches Kyon]

I wanna know how you did it. No matter how much I try to talk to her, I can't get Haruhi to answer any of my questions. What do you do to get her to open up? Do you have any tips for me?

Kyon

[Crosses arms] No idea.

Ryoko

Hm...Still, I think it's a good thing. I've been sort of worried about her always completely alone in our class. I think it's really great that she's made at least one friend here.

Kyon

A friend, huh?

Ryoko

Well, just keep doing whatever you're doing, 'cause maybe she'll warm up to the rest of us. I mean, since we're all in the same class, it'd really be for the best if everyone got along. And that's why I'm counting on you.

Kyon

[Thinking] Easy for you to say.

Ryoko

In fact, from now on, if there's ever anything we need to say to her, we'll just talk to you and you can tell her for us.

Kyon

[Aloud] Hey, hang on a sec. What do you think I am? Am I supposed to be your spokesperson or something?

Ryoko

[Folds hands and closes an eye.] Pretty please? [Runs back over to a group of girls who giggle in Kyon's direction. Taniguchi then grabs Kyon by the shoulders and starts rocking him back and forth.]

Taniguchi

Kyon, we're buddies, aren't we? We're pals, right?

Kyon

[Thinking] Everyone's turned into an idiot.

Kyon

[Narrating] By the next day, the name "Haruhi Suzumiya" had become infamous. Now everyone at school was talking about her.

Taniguchi

Hey, Kyon. Hate to say it, but it looks like you've gone and done it. You've become one of Suzumiya's gang of weirdos huh?

Kyon

Oh, shut up. [Thinking] The sucky thing about being a part of all this is that my name and Miss Asahina's name are floating around campus, too.

I couldn't believe what I was seeing yesterday. A couple of bunny girls hanging around the school's main gate. I mean, the girl in red was Mikuru Asahina, wasn't it?

Taniguchi

Now everybody in school's talking about you guys, Kyon. Everybody.

Ryoko

What exactly is this SOS Brigade?

Kyon

You're gonna have to ask Suzumiya. I really don't know. I don't even wanna know.

Ryoko

Well, it definitely looks like you guys are having a lot of fun, but you know, yesterday's stunt was a little overboard.

Yuki

I forgot to recreate the glasses.

Kyon

Oh, it's okay. I think you look cuter without them. Besides, I don't have a glasses fetish.

Yuki

...what's a glasses fetish?

Kyon

N-Never mind! Forget I said anything!

Yuki

...I see.

Taniguchi

[enters] What is up? I for-for-forgot my bag. Eh? AHHH!

Kyon

[thinking] Mom, Dad, if you saw how me and Nagato were positioned right now...you'd probably think we were getting it on as well.

Taniguchi

Okay...TAKE YOUR TIME! [quickly exits]

Yuki

...interesting human.

Kyon

What did you say before?

Taniguchi

I said I didn't underst-[Kyon interrupts]

Kyon

Not that.

Taniguchi

Oh, Haruhi Suzumiya? She was the gonzo girl of east junior high. The two of us were in the same class in middle school. I didn't know you guys knew each other.

Kyon

You slimy octopus.

Taniguchi

Who are you calling an octopus? If i'm an octopus you're a dried up old squid!

Kyon

[Pushes Taniguchi into a desk] You know Haruhi, you really know who she is?

Taniguchi

Of course I know her. Even after 50 years you don't forget someone like her. All the kids who went to east junior high know that crazy chick. Let me go man what the hell.

Kyon

Where is she? Where the hell did Haruhi go.