“The Day of Sagittarius” quotes from The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya

Kyon

Hey, Haruhi, don't you think it'd be better if you pulled your ships back a little bit? Your fleet shouldn't be so far in front of us.

Haruhi

What are you talking about?! I wanna shoot beams and missiles at the enemy too!

Kyon

Look, when you're playing shogi or chess, the king isn't the one who charges into enemy territory.

Haruhi

Oh, yeah. Good thinking. Okay, Kyon, you guys take care of it. Go find the enemy leader and give him a good pummeling with your cannons! And make sure you win! I want you to take those fools from the Computer Club… AND BEAT THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS OUT OF THOSE GEEK BOYS!

Kyon

[thinking] Wouldn't it be better if we just raised the white flag now? [aloud] Well, I guess that's not gonna be an option today.

Kyon

[thinking] Every day, I hang out with an alien, a time traveler, and an esper...and I'm still as sane and objective as ever. Hmm...I wonder if that makes me special or something. I'm sure Lacan's dying to have a word with me!

Itsuki

You seem worried. Is something wrong?

Kyon..

[aloud] Nope. I was just thinking about how awesome I am for being able to cope with this absurd situation. And if you ask me, I think I'm due for a little praise.

Itsuki

You're right. Well, would you like me to give you some words of praise, then?

Kyon..

You praising me won't make me any happier. All it will do is make me think you've got something up your sleeve.

Itsuki

[laughs] True enough!

Kyon

[thinking] There's a big difference between the specs of four laptops and a Nagato, but you wouldn't notice.

Haruhi

It's time to launch the dams!

Itsuki

Let's calm down. The enemy is shooting at us.

Haruhi

Anyone accepting defeat will be punished by running ten laps around the school, naked! And you'll have to yell "Green Martians are chasing me!" for the whole ten laps!

Nice, very nice! I was a little worried there when they fired up the squadron mode, but we still have the advantage! We see them, but they can't see us! Time to wrap this up. DESTROY THEM! ANNIHILATE THE SOS BRIGADE!

Kyon

Say good night!

Haruhi

[over the radio] Damn you, Kyon! That's my enemy!

Kyon

Wow, he's driving his fleet right into our sights.

Itsuki

Like a mouse caught in a trap.

Mikuru

Uh, am I supposed to shoot this thing?

Haruhi

I don't get what just happened, but great job, guys! All ships, open fire! Go out there and burn the enemy leader with all the fires of hell!

Haruhi

He's getting away!

[as his ship is exploding around him] This isn't happening! GLORY TO THE COMPUTER CLUB!

YOU WIN