Ophelia Ramírez quotes from The Life and Times of Juniper Lee

Ophelia Ramírez

(leans over Juniper) And where were you last night? We were gonna go over my website. It goes live Wednesday.

Ophelia Ramírez

It's easy, you know. Remember Lewis and Clark?

Ophelia Ramírez

June, I--

Ophelia Ramírez

Throw me off the bus now. Seriously.

Ophelia Ramírez

Right, and get stuck alone with my mom watching game shows all week? Okay, hello? I don't think so.

Ophelia Ramírez

I guess the bright side is that this can't get any more annoying.

Ophelia Ramírez

And there it is.

Ophelia Ramírez

Maybe she'll get eaten by a bear.

Ophelia Ramírez

Then we should rent one.

Ophelia Ramírez

I'll do it! (Madame Rothschild looks at her) Okay, hello? There's also an old saying that the show must go on, right? And you're always telling us how an artist must seize the moment, so let me take your place! (The kids gasps) I can do this! I know I can do this!

Ophelia Ramírez

Okay, listen up, people, I'm makin' a few changes here. (Rolls out a "Stalk the Rocksical" banner, then she walks around with a quill and clipboard) Terrence, Melissa.... You were cast as Jack and the Princess? Heh. Okay, yeah, sorry, we've decided to go another way. Now you're the cow! (Melissa audibly gasps) Oh and Melissa, take the back-half.

Ophelia Ramírez

Still the village idiot, Roge, can't argue with perfect casting. Okay, everybody, look over your new parts, rehearsal in fifteen!

Ophelia Ramírez

Yes, you can! Hello? It's a whole statement on gender and race and all that kind of garbage. June, please, we can do this. You and me, trust me, nothing's gonna go wrong.

Ophelia Ramírez

Roger! For the tenth time, you are not in this scene.

Ophelia Ramírez

And if you come in early one more time, I'm gonna cut it down to no lines. Comprende? Bikers, you're killing me here. You're absolutely killing me. You're the vicious scourge of the road. Let me see some grit. And grim reaper, you're the bringer of death. Hello?! When you come out here, I want that audience to be dead. Get it?! DEAD! (calmly) But I gotta say, I think it was your best effort yet. Take five. BUT ONLY FIVE!