Don't you take your frustrations out on me, you cheap...scallop!
The word is "trollop," you moron! I am a cheap trollop!
All S1
S1 E12Rose and Fern
[about Miles] I still call him up in the middle of the night to hear the cute things he says. [imitating Miles] "Don't you know what time it is?" "This happens again, I'm calling the police!" "Who the hell is this?" [in normal voice] And then, before I hang up I always say, "You blew it big time, smart boy."
And he doesn't recognize your voice?
No! I talk to him through a kazoo.
MMiles
Look -- Rose, sweetheart...
Don't "sweetheart" me! This was supposed to be our day! Our wedding! Our life! Well, you blew it big time, smart boy! [runs off]
MMiles
[realizing] Oh my God, she's the kazoo woman!
[Chuy puts a completely burnt duck on the kitchen table]
Ugh! Chihuahua. Sophia...what does this look like to you?
George Hamilton in five years.
[about burnt duck] Have you ever seen a duck this black and Smoky?
I have. Daffy. But only after Bugs Bunny gives him a dynamite cigar. Why doesn't that duck ever learn?
He can't, Rose. He doesn't have a brain. Sound familiar?
Oh, I'm the dumb one? You're the one who's overcooked three meals today. In fact, if we had a Stupid Person Race, I think you'd come in first.
I'm sorry. Maybe the oven is broken.
Oh! It is! Didn't you get the note I left inside of the oven.
[holding burnt note] And at the wire, it's Rose by a nose.
All right, you little witch, where's the money?
What money? I don't know what you're talking about.
Stop stalling. Don't make me get rough.
I'm not talking, screw. And by the way, that's a nickname, not a suggestion.
MMiles
[as Rose prepares for his wedding] Look, Rose, I know how awkward this has been for you, but you have to believe me, Rose, I had no intention of hurting you.
I'm a professional, Miles. I would never let my personal feelings for you keep me from planning the best wedding I can.
MMiles
Well, I'm glad to hear that, Rose. [sees a box full of stones on the table] Hey, what are these stones for?
[glaring at him] I thought we'd throw them instead of rice.
S1 E13Runaways
OOliver
I'm a little kid! I was scared! I almost peed!
I'm over 100! I am scared! I am peeing!
I'm going to go slip into something that will make me look my best.
May I suggest a time machine?
PPoliceman
Um, ma'am, do you know how slow you're going?
Ah, bite me.
I don't know much about Blanche's personal life, but so what if she likes to date?
I used to think that until this Ernie came along. This is the hump that broke the camel's back.
I think that's "the straw that broke the camel's back."
Boy, you don't know much about Blanche's personal life, do you?
S1 E14Heartbreak Hotel
[referring to Sex Seminar] This sounds awesome. I'm there! I haven't told you but I've been having some problems with my sexual partners lately.
Such as?
I don't have any!
[to Rose, Roland, and Chuy] You're just being condescending to an old lady. But I'm a person, damn it! If you prick me do I not bleed?...eventually.
Will you look at all the toilet paper I found in the freezer? How many times do I have to tell Blanche, "Please, don't freeze the Charmin?"
Chuy...
I mean who's gonna want to use frozen toilet paper?
[Grabs roll] At my age, any thrill will do.
S1 E15Señor Stinky Learns Absolutely Nothing About Life
[referring to Mr. Reynolds] Oh! He said the most upsetting thing to me!
"Don't come back 'til you're wearing underwear?"
Sophia! I always go to meetings with men dressed like this! To me, it's just a great business tool. You know, it gives me a leg up.
Just one?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Golden Palace pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.