Sophia[to Rose, Roland, and Chuy] You're just being condescending to an old lady. But I'm a person, damn it! If you prick me do I not bleed?...eventually.
S1 E14 Heartbreak Hotel
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Played by Estelle Getty
The Golden Palace · 59 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in The Golden Palace: in 29 of its 59 quotes
Most scenes with: Rose Nylund (14), Chuy Castillos (11), Blanche Devereaux (6)
Lines by Sophia Petrillo 1
SophiaScenes with Sophia Petrillo 28
I'm back.
Sophia[not seeing Chuy] Dorothy?!
S1 E1 Pilot
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SophiaWell, I'm 88, and --
87.
SophiaWhat?
You're 87, Sophia.
Sophia...okay. I'm 87 years old, and I used to have to wake up every morning just to live. Now I have to wake up every morning to cook 50 pounds of ravioli. I got stuff to do.
S1 E1 Pilot
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SophiaYou almost killed me!
Nothing could kill you.
SophiaWell, too much corn.
S1 E1 Pilot
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On nights like this, we usually bare our souls and polish off a cheesecake.
And I often tell a story about my hometown of St. Olaf.
St. Olaf? Sounds fascinating.
Tell us about it.
SophiaRookies!
S1 E1 Pilot
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SophiaThey've got a choice: they can eat my lasagna or kiss my but.
Okay, does your butt come with soup and salad?
Penny for your thoughts, Sophia?
SophiaYou're stupid, and that's on the house.
SophiaI need to make some money. Maybe I should wear a shorter skirt.
Maybe you should just threaten to.
S1 E4 One Old Lady to Go
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I don't squish bugs. I shoo them.
[Sophia steps on a bug]
SophiaThere! I just shoed one too!
S1 E5 Ebbtide for the Defense
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[Dorothy is talking about how Sophia used her as a waitress when she was a child]
You used me!
SophiaIt was our quality time!
Quality time?! You referred to me as 'the help!'
SophiaIt was a nickname!
On Thursdays you'd lend me out to the neighbors!
SophiaSo? You learned the trade. Ingratitude. That's all I've gotten from any of my employees -- kids, my kids.
[mopping up] Sophia, wet floor!
SophiaI can't do that on command! I have to be scared first!
Chuy, wet floor!
What, somebody scared Sophia?
Ma, you look horrible! You're as white as a sheet!
SophiaThat's because I'm between heartbeats. Come back in 15 minutes, and I'll look like one of the Last of the Mohicans!
It's taken two years, but as of today I will have lost 140 pounds of ugly fat.
You used to be heavy?
No, married.
Yeah, today's the day that Chuy signs his final divorce papers.
Oh, I'll bet you have mixed feelings about that.
Are you kidding? I'm thrilled it's over. Eight years. Eight long, miserable years. Do you know what it's like to live with a foul-mouthed, vicious shrew for eight years?
Sophia[to Rose] Move it or lose it, you Danish dork!
I guess you do.
SophiaI thought this practical joke would make me laugh, but it hasn't. It's affected me in ways I didn't think possible.
It made you feel ashamed, didn't it?
SophiaNo, it excited me sexually.
Sophia!
SophiaI'm just as shocked as you are.
S1 E9 Marriage on the Rocks, With a Twist
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[as Santa Claus] What do you want for Christmas, little girl?
SophiaI wanna stay on your lap 'til New Years!
Sophia!
SophiaAll right, how about a sponge bath with some elves?
More The Golden Palace characters
All The Golden Palace quotes →These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Golden Palace pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.