Blanche Devereaux quotes from The Golden Palace

Blanche

[about her husband George] He was a lusty man. Lusty, zesty man. Lusty, zesty cowboy who liked to ride all night!

Sophia

You almost killed me!

Blanche

Nothing could kill you.

Sophia

Well, too much corn.

Blanche

On nights like this, we usually bare our souls and polish off a cheesecake.

Rose

And I often tell a story about my hometown of St. Olaf.

Chuy

St. Olaf? Sounds fascinating.

Roland

Tell us about it.

Sophia

Rookies!

Roland

Oh yeah, I guess it is about time I had a little talk with (Oliver) about... well... you know.

Blanche

Sex. Well, You can say it, it's not a dirty word.

Blanche

...okay, when Chuy says it, it's a dirty word. But still, we have to face the fact that Oliver's growing up and he needs the truth.

Roland

I know. I just haven't anticipated this happening so soon. I mean, Just yesterday I saw him in his room, making little animals with Rose's Play-Doh Fun Factory. And now I gotta tell him about-

Chuy

[in same guttural voice] SEXXXXXXXXXXX!

Roland

Man, will you stop saying that? Look, I gotta have this big talk with Oliver, I just wish I knew what to tell him.

Blanche

My mother told me sex was a woman's duty. That was the word she used, "duty". And I guess I've been a proud little soldier ever since.

Chuy

Soldier!? You're a four-star general, I SALUTE YOU!

Blanche

I can't believe you said that. If I weren't a lady, I'd deck you.

Dorothy

If you'd try, I'd have you on your back so fast, you'd think you're out on a date.

Dorothy

Blanche, do you know what your problem is? You're all talk and no action. Just like your sex life.

Blanche

What are you saying? Are you saying I'm not a tramp? Then why do you think they call me the female Ted Kennedy?

Dorothy

Because you look like him.

Roland

It's not up to us to make moral judgements about the people staying in this hotel. [notices sign reading "Daughters of the Traditional South" in the lobby] "Daughters of the Traditional South?" Those bigots in bonnets aren't staying in this hotel!

Blanche

Roland, there is nothing wrong with the Daughters of the Traditional South!

Roland

Oh, I see; when they put those sheets on over their heads it must be some kind of salute to Casper the Friendly Ghost.

Rose

Ooh, when is that?

Rose

Don't you take your frustrations out on me, you cheap...scallop!

Blanche

The word is "trollop," you moron! I am a cheap trollop!

Rose

[about Miles] I still call him up in the middle of the night to hear the cute things he says. [imitating Miles] "Don't you know what time it is?" "This happens again, I'm calling the police!" "Who the hell is this?" [in normal voice] And then, before I hang up I always say, "You blew it big time, smart boy."

Blanche

And he doesn't recognize your voice?

Rose

No! I talk to him through a kazoo.

Blanche

All right, you little witch, where's the money?

Sophia

What money? I don't know what you're talking about.

Blanche

Stop stalling. Don't make me get rough.

Sophia

I'm not talking, screw. And by the way, that's a nickname, not a suggestion.

Blanche

I'm going to go slip into something that will make me look my best.

Rose

May I suggest a time machine?

Blanche

[referring to Mr. Reynolds] Oh! He said the most upsetting thing to me!

Sophia

"Don't come back 'til you're wearing underwear?"

Blanche

Sophia! I always go to meetings with men dressed like this! To me, it's just a great business tool. You know, it gives me a leg up.

Sophia

Just one?

Rose

I don't know anything.

Blanche

Boy, there's a tattoo for your forehead.

Sophia

Good news, everybody, I'm back from vacation.

Chuy

Yeah, that's...

Sophia

Have no fear, Petrillo is...

Rose

Good to...

Sophia

She's tan, she's rested, she's ready to crack wise. Who, you say? "Sophia. That's who!".

Blanche

Fine.

Sophia

I thought you said you missed me, what do I have to do to get some attention around here, a cartwheel? [long pause] OK, here goes. But I should warn you, I'm not wearing any underwear.

Roland

[referring to plane] DC-10! Yep...you spend hours on your back, you get to know these things.

Blanche

[enters with Rose and Chuy; referring to plane] Oh! DC-10! Yep.