Rose, let's go watch I Love Lucy in the kitchen.
But that set is black and white!
S2 E23Son-in-Law Dearest
[Blanche and Rose are on the couch watching an I Love Lucy marathon. Ending music plays.]
You know, I'm still a little confused. Who exactly is Ricky?
Lucy's husband.
I thought Desi was Lucy's husband.
Not on the show.
Desi wasn't on the show?
Desi played Ricky!
Who did Lucy play?
Lucy.
I know, but who did she play?
Lucy!
Right, but who did she play?
Lucy played Lucy!
Well, then why didn't Desi play Desi?
He wasn't tall enough.
And do not call me Mother Dorothy. I hate it when you call me Mother Dorothy! I feel like I should be handing out rice on the streets of Calcutta!
[referring to her daughter and son-in-law in the kitchen] How long have they been in there?
Since Lucy went to Scotland!
That would make it over thirty years, Rose.
Oh, I remember when Stanley told me he was having an affair. It was at least 24 hours before I cut the crotches out of all his slacks.
You didn't!
I was teaching English Lit at the time. Symbolism was my life.
S2 E24To Catch a Neighbor
I'd like to ask you about your next-door neighbors, the McDowells.
BHBobby Hopkins
They're not who you think they are.
You mean we invited the wrong people to dinner?
Oh, I don't know. Two policemen living in our house?
So what's that to be afraid of, Dorothy? Once you strip away the gruff exterior, the badge, the gun, the uniform-
You've got a naked policeman.
Exactly.
I'll do it, I'll be the plant.
You are a plant.
Well, if anybody's going to do it, it should be me.
Why you?
Because I am the best under pressure.
And she bears a striking resemblance to Barnaby Jones.
I would do it [go undercover], but I'm afraid I might be too conspicuous. It's a dinner party and I plan to show cleavage!
[listening to a planted bug] They keep talking about that noodlehead in the red dress. Could that be code language?
Only to the noodlehead in the red dress.
We'll use the bathroom as a lookout and the kitchen as a base.
Fine. We'll just cook in the fireplace and pee in the broom closet.
[about Martha, a new neighbor] I followed her through the store and wrote down everything she bought.
Rose, they steal jewels, not Gino's Pizza Rolls!
[about Sophia] She's really a very sweet woman. She just doesn't like to show it.
Is that a family trait?
S2 E25A Piece of Cake
You're the one who always complains that her birthday parties are dull and boring. When I saw Mr. Ha Ha's advertised on television, it looked like fun.
For a five year old, Rose. Or someone who thinks like one!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Golden Girls pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.