[to a pregnant Mary] Now you come into the kitchen with me, honey, I'll get you some pickles and ice cream.
MMary
Oh, no thanks, I don't have any strange cravings yet.
Strange?
“Mary Has a Little Lamb” · Season 5, Episode 12
In this episode: Dorothy Zbornak (5), Sophia Petrillo (4), Rose Nylund (2), Blanche Devereaux (1)
[to Mary] So when's the baby due?
Ma! You're talking to a sixteen-year-old girl!
A knocked-up sixteen-year-old girl.
[Everyone looks at Mary, who nods slightly.]
Ma, how did you know that?
She had the same look of panic on her face that you had when you were pregnant. Sort of like a deer caught in the headlights. I only thought pregnant sixteen-year-old girls had that look until I saw Dan Quayle on TV.
[Merrill is being released from prison to see Blanche after she's written him letters, Sophia is running around with a small box putting things into it]
Ma, what are you doing?
Merrill called, he's coming over, so I'm hiding our valuables.
Oh, Ma, I don't think he's dangerous. You've read those letters to Blanche. They're almost lyrical.
[Doorbell rings. It's Merrill]
MMerrill
I want Blanche.
Break out the finger sandwiches, Mr. Astaire looks hungry.
MMerrill
[To Dorothy] Are you Blanche?
No!
MMerrill
[To Sophia] How about you, cutie?
Boy, this guy's done hard time.
[Blanche shocked to see Merrill who was released from prison]
Dorothy, you didn't tell me you were having company.
This is Merrill.
Well, how do you do, Merrill? [realizing who he is immediately jumps from the couch] MERRILL!
He is here to see Blanche, and we told him we don't know when Blanche will be back.
Oh, no, you wouldn't want to wait around for her, she's cold... frigid, hardly likes men at all.
And she's ugly, isn't she?
Ugly is kind of a strong word, Rose.
And wrinkled.
She is not wrinkled.
And fat.
Stop that! You stop that right now, she is none of those things, she is gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous!
MMerrill
All right, works for me, tell Blanche I'll be back.
[after Merrill leaves] And stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid!
[about Mary's dog Samson] Did I ever tell you what that dog did to my friend Ida Silverman?
No, what?
He ate her! Gobbled her up without a trace, support hose and all!
Ma, Ida's daughter told me she moved to Fort Lauderdale.
The woman's in denial! I saw that dog with Ida's blue scarf in his mouth and no one has seen her since!
You think that since Mary went out and got herself pregnant, she's a slut. Well, let me tell you what a slut is. A slut is a girl who gets knocked up in the back of a Studebaker. It was a Studebaker, right, Dorothy?
It was a Nash, Ma.
Now that's a slut.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Golden Girls pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.