[Intro; Adam Goldberg videotapes Erica Goldberg while the latter is ironing her hair]
EGErica Goldberg
Adam, what the hell?! I'm gonna crimp your face! Mom!
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
BGBarry Goldberg
Liar-- you're a liar, Simon! You are a liar! [sees Adam recording him] Stop videotaping!
BGBeverly Goldberg
[nonchalantly walking in on Barry while he's showering] What would you like for breakfast, sweetheart?
BGBarry Goldberg
Privacy!
[Beverly lovingly stares at Adam as the latter wakes up]
AAdam
[Gasps] Ah! Oh, Mom, you gotta stop watching me sleep.
Well, if you'd let me stare at you during the daytime, we wouldn't have to do this little dance.
AAAdult Adam Goldberg
[voiceover] Desperate times call for desperate measures.
AAdam
Mom? I have a tummyache.
Oh, sweetie. Do you need to make?
AAdam
No! But... can I sleep here tonight?
Yeah, sure.
I had given in. For one night, my Mom had gotten the snuggles she so desperately craved.
Adam's never forgiving me, but you can still patch things up with Barry. Just hire him back.
My perfect girl? Well, she should have big blue eyes and big blonde hair.
Mmm, she sounds fun.
She shouldn't be afraid to speak her mind, you know? I mean, she should have a sensitive side, but still be a hard-ass.
Oh! Sit up straight, honey.
And I want her to take care of me. Cook, pick up my stuff, make me hot pockets. Mm. [mouth full] By the way, thank you for the hot pocket.
All right, and I'm on the case for my sweet, handsome, delicious boy. [She chuckles and kisses Barry]
You know, you just described mom.
What? I didn't... Oh, my god! Mom! I meant a brunette who doesn't cook at all! And she's gotta be super shy and not related to me at all!
AAdam
[having dropped a wrench on his foot] [groans loudly] Aah!
DCDana Caldwell
Are you okay?
AAdam
Mmm-hmm.
Are you crying?
AAdam
No. [Exhales] [whimpering] Good talking.
[Adam's friend, Chad Kremp, knocks on the Goldbergs' door, then Beverly answers]
CKChad Kremp
Hi. Can Adam play?
[yelling from the bottom of the staircase] ADAM! GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE!
[voiceover] Unfortunately, I had two left feet. [Young Adam falls on his knees] I often found walking a hard enough challenge.
You okay?
AAdam
Yeah. Been working out a lot. My quads locked up on me. That ever happened to you?
No.
AAdam
Das coo' Das coo'.
Mommy, I have a question. So, Lainey's going to ocean city over the weekend, and if you let me go, I will give you the best Snuggies of your life. [hugging her but not realizing it's Barry wearing a wig]
Get off! Don't touch me!
God! You've got to stop wearing that wig. I keep thinking you're mom.
What are you talking about? I look awesome.
Seriously, look at you. [showing Barry a compact mirror]
Nope. Don't see it.
Say "I have failed as a mother."
"I have failed as a mother." Adam, we're getting mohawks! [rushes off to him]
[Adam videotapes himself singing and dancing to "Faith" by George Michael. Adam soon bumps his arm on a bookshelf, causing it and everything on it to fall on him]
[checking to see what happened] [gasps] Snuggle monster! [runs really fast toward Adam]
[signing the cast on Adam's broken arm]: I can't believe you broke your arm dancing.
AAdam
It was either that or when Mom jumped on me. I'm so psyched! This severe compound fracture is my ticket to popularity.
Nerd's right. Everybody loves the kid in the cast.
Yeah, until everybody finds out how he broke it.
AAdam
Why? What's wrong with a lonely boy in his room, videotaping himself shaking his groove thang to George Michael? Yeah, I hear it now.
Just come up with a good lie. Something cool.
Thanks to Mr. Zemeckis, I had a cover story anyone would believe.
AAdam
Hoverboard. I was on a hoverboard! [slams his broken arm on the coffee table] AAHH!!
[voiceover] It was January 7, 1980-something, and Erica was finding a new and exciting way to torture us.
Ha! Look, it's Barry's baby helmet.
No! I thought we gave that back to the institute.
You were so cute with your little flat head. I used to rest my Kool-Aid on you.
My head's perfectly round now.
[having found the photo] Oh, my gosh. It's a picture of you all helmeted up. This is gonna look great in the yearbook.
No, please, show mercy.
[They laugh and Erica returns back]
AAll
Hey!
Come on in! We just invited over a few pals for a little video premiere party.
No.
I like it when you said your hand was Jonathan and then you made out with it. [laughing]
No!
Wait, you made fun of me for my Corey Feldman shrine, and all along, you were doing this?
No!
R"Naked" Rob
Yes.
No!
AAdam
Let's play it again, shall we?
Stop doing what you're doing and turn it off.
Turn it up? Yeah, you got it. [turning up the volume]
Turn it off!
EOErica on TV
I love you! Barry, the attic! I love you so much!
[Barry pushes Erica out of the way and he and Adam run upstairs and she chases them]
[voiceover] My sister was furious she has lost all the power, but not half as mad as when she saw what we did to her room.
Ho, ho! [noticing all the posters with Joey, Jonathan, Danny and Donald on each of them] Donald.
Why are you doing this to me?
AAdam
We just wanted to make sure you had... "The right stuff."
Just take your stupid flat helmet head and get out of my room.
Normally, that would send me into an emotional tailspin. But from now on, no matter what you say, you're just a borderline adult woman who likes lame boy bands.
No! You do not have the power. I have the power.
AAdam
Oh, no. For years, our stupid life choices and physical awkwardness has given you ammo to humiliate us, but no more!
I say, no more!
[Adam and Barry give each other a hi-five]
[voiceover] And just like that, Erica's childhood dreams became her adult nightmare.
[Erica knocks down the cut out]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Goldbergs pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.