The Cosby Show Season 4 quotes

Cliff

I don't know what it is between your ears and brain that is dislodged. So whenever we tell you "watch your sister", by the time it travels to your brain it turns to "let her go wandering around the mall." And I just pray to the heavens that I could find something to fix it. A screwdriver, or maybe a brick!

Clair

[Talking to Vanessa and Theo] Just go wait in the car.

Cliff

No wait under the car.

Are you lost?

Rudy

I was with my brother and sister but I left cause they were stupid.

Cliff

I don't know what it is between your ears and brain that is dislodged. So whenever we tell you "watch your sister", by the time it travels to your brain it turns to "let her go wandering around the mall." And I just pray to the heavens that I could find something to fix it. A screwdriver, or maybe a brick!

Clair

[Talking to Vanessa and Theo] Just go wait in the car.

Cliff

No wait under the car.

Are you lost?

Rudy

I was with my brother and sister but I left cause they were stupid.

Cliff

There you go. Hit your little machine.

Theo

All right, well, my computer says that I counter your move with bishop to knight 3.

Vanessa

Shhh!

Theo

Don't tell me to shhh! I can talk when I wanna talk!

Cliff and Clair, I am so glad you are here.

Clair

What is going on with Rudy?

Rudy is a delight and has quite an imagination.

Cliff

That's it for the meeting.

Hold on... Miss Rudy and I are having a problem, it is about behavior and music.

Clair

What is the matter?

Every year about this time I let them play musical instruments and let them choose. Well... Rudy was absent on the day and she had to pick what was left: the violin. She wanted the cymbals, but Kimberly chose them. As soon as music starts, she snatches the cymbals, but she's not going to play the violin forever. We switch every two weeks.

Clair

Another thing and that is you hate Rudy.

I hate Rudy?

Yes, because you made her move to the back.

Well someone had a hearing aid and they really needed to hear it and explained it to Rudy. And also another thing, Rudy's picture was at the very bottom, that does not mean I didn't like it, I put it in ABC order.

[[being summoned] Greetings, your majesty! So tell me, what would you have me conjure for you today?

I want to go to war, and I want you to find somebody to fight!

Well, let me look in my crystal ball! [holds up crystal ball] Don't tell me less / Don't tell me more / Just tell me / Who we should fight in war! ...Wait a second...it's kinda fuzzy in here. This ball must have been on the radiator too long, I can't see anything!

Off with her head!!

Wait wait! I see something...I see a land near here, where everyone is happy!

I HATE happy people! They think they're hot stuff!

Well happy people are not too bad, some of my best friends are happy people.

Off with his head!!

Uhh...well happy people stink actually, I think we should waste them!

Tell me more, wizard.

Their land is across the ocean and past the desert! They have toys for everyone and they like to sing!

They sound like wimps!

Yeah.

That does it! I hereby declare war!

War it is your highness and your most horrendous attackedness!

But first, let's sing our song!

We don't like the day / We can't stand the night / We really hate to play / We only like to fight / And we'll do it in your face!! / We don't like the day / We can't stand the night / We really hate to play / We only like to fight / AND WE'LL DO IT IN YOUR FACE!!!

Your majesty, should I read them the new rules now?

Yes!

[evil laugh; produces a piece of paper] Having lost the war, you are now subject to our rules! They are as follows! Rule number one: All your toys are now our toys and you can't play with them EVER AGAIN!

That's not fair!

Rule number two: From now on the farmers will only be allowed to grow brrrroccoli!

What about our floobaroos?!

We'll be eating those!

Rule number three: Whenever you pass one of us, you must stop and say "You are a fabulous guuuyyyy!" Rule number four: There will be no parties in town unless WE have them! Rule number five: None of you are invited to OUR PARTIES! [evil laugh]

Now I was with you up until that one.

Silence!

Rule number six: You now work for US, for NO MONEY, and NO BENEFITS, and you still have to...pay TAXES! Rule number seven: All taxes will be doubled, starting NOW!!

I will not stand for this, as mayor of this land I must protest the treatment of my people!

Rule number eight: Anyone who protests is going to...GET IT!!

Your majesty, why don't you let me imprison him in my crystal ball?

Excellent! Very nasty idea!

Oh this mayor who has such gall / It is time for him to fall now, in front of one and all / Put him in my crystal ball!

Oh no, I said BALL not WALL!!

You're pitiful!

Even if I am trapped inside this wall, I will not give up until you are driven from our land!

You have a long way! Read 'em the last rule!

Rule number nine: You will only sing our songs, you cannot sing songs of your own anymore! [evil laugh]

But we're a singing people! We must sing our songs!

[affectionately] But perhaps you and I can sing a few duets, I could arrange that if you get my drift.

Henchman, SILENCE!

I beg your pardon, your interuptedness. So! Let us sing our song!

We don't like the day / We can't stand the night / We really hate to play / We only like to fight / AND WE'LL DO IT IN YOUR FACE!!!