The Cosby Show · Season 2
Clair, Clair. Clair! [kisses Clair] Clair, Clair, it's the first day of school!
It's the first day of school?
First day of school!
We get the house back?!
We made it through the summer! And now all we have to do is get them out of the house, and if you and I are good about it, we can get them out in ten minutes!
[to Theo] A vacation is something you get when you have a job and work. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you didn't work hard all summer. You were the hardest worker I ever saw, at begging, begging for money for pizza, begging to stay up later to chase little girls who didn't love you. And son, now, you get to rest. [Theo falls back on the bed] You get to go to school!
[Theo is wearing a sweatshirt with the sleeves cut off]
Theo is that the shirt we bought?
Yeah.
Well, when we bought it, didn't it have sleeves?
Yeah, they're upstairs.
Well, didn't they feel like coming down this morning?
It's your turn to wake the children. I woke them on the last day of school.
That is nothing. All you did was stand out in the hall and shouted "Last day of school!!" and the children next door were jumping out of windows!
[Phone rings.] Oh, not another Vanessa caller. [answers] Vanessa's residence? No, she cannot come to the phone right now. Because it's now 10:01, and she cannot take any calls past 10:00. No I cannot take a message, I am her father. I'm a doctor, I graduated from medical school, alright? Thank you for calling, this is a live voice.
Clair, Clair. Clair! [kisses Clair] Clair, Clair, it's the first day of school!
It's the first day of school?
First day of school!
We get the house back?!
We made it through the summer! And now all we have to do is get them out of the house, and if you and I are good about it, we can get them out in ten minutes!
[to Theo] A vacation is something you get when you have a job and work. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you didn't work hard all summer. You were the hardest worker I ever saw, at begging, begging for money for pizza, begging to stay up later to chase little girls who didn't love you. And son, now, you get to rest. [Theo falls back on the bed] You get to go to school!
[Theo is wearing a sweatshirt with the sleeves cut off]
Theo is that the shirt we bought?
Yeah.
Well, when we bought it, didn't it have sleeves?
Yeah, they're upstairs.
Well, didn't they feel like coming down this morning?
It's your turn to wake the children. I woke them on the last day of school.
That is nothing. All you did was stand out in the hall and shouted "Last day of school!!" and the children next door were jumping out of windows!
[Phone rings.] Oh, not another Vanessa caller. [answers] Vanessa's residence? No, she cannot come to the phone right now. Because it's now 10:01, and she cannot take any calls past 10:00. No I cannot take a message, I am her father. I'm a doctor, I graduated from medical school, alright? Thank you for calling, this is a live voice.
What is this?
Dear. This is a stainless steel maintenance free appliance which provides nutritious drinks for just pennies a day.
And it's going to end up with the rest of the stainless steel self maintenance appliances in the appliance graveyard underneath the counter. [opens up the counter] Let's see. [pulls out a waffle-maker] The answer to Sunday breakfast?
Yes I bought that.
"Waffles, Clair. I'm going to make waffles every Sunday morning!" Until you had to clean it! And this... [pulls out a special pan] "Crepes, Clair. Think of all the different kind of crepes we can make with this." Turned out to be none.
Yeah but mom, remember the sausage stuffer?
Didn't stuff a thing!
Cliff: [to Theo] Et tu, Brute?
Appliances can be hard to resist sometimes. They're shiny, they make weird noises, they have those buttons that light up. That's why your father likes them!
Is this the same juicer that I said, 'Mine, mine, mine'?
Yes...are you mad?
Yes, yes, yes.
What is this?
Dear. This is a stainless steel maintenance free appliance which provides nutritious drinks for just pennies a day.
And it's going to end up with the rest of the stainless steel self maintenance appliances in the appliance graveyard underneath the counter. [opens up the counter] Let's see. [pulls out a waffle-maker] The answer to Sunday breakfast?
Yes I bought that.
"Waffles, Clair. I'm going to make waffles every Sunday morning!" Until you had to clean it! And this... [pulls out a special pan] "Crepes, Clair. Think of all the different kind of crepes we can make with this." Turned out to be none.
Yeah but mom, remember the sausage stuffer?
Didn't stuff a thing!
Cliff: [to Theo] Et tu, Brute?
Appliances can be hard to resist sometimes. They're shiny, they make weird noises, they have those buttons that light up. That's why your father likes them!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Cosby Show pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
