The Cosby Show quotes

Martin

[to Denise] You forgot to confirm the housing?

That's what I told you!

Martin

Sorry, sir. I'm taken off guard. Denise, I told you!!

Denise

I know. I'm sorry.

Would you like me to leave you two alone?

Theo

Why couldn't they have had an essay question that said, "Write the story of Icarus"? I would have cleaned up on that.

Cliff

Because this is not Burger King! You cannot have it your way!

Rudy, finish cleaning the blackboard and go home! Clarence, pick up your books and go home! And I'm going to go home, and sit in a hot tub... and re-evaluate my life!

Cliff

There's your dumb canned pumpkin, your stupid eggs, and your silly nut.

Clair

Nutmeg, and thank you. [kisses Cliff] Will you take those wet things off before you catch a cold? [begins to unpack the groceries] Cliff, there are no eggs in here!

Cliff

There's eggs in there! I put eggs in there, I bought eggs! [Claire lifts up the bag to show him it is empty] I don't care what that bag says, there's eggs in there!

How am I supposed to make corn bread without eggs?

Cliff

People don't need, uh, corn bread! Let- let 'em eat soda crackers!

Cliff

And here we have the basement. This is the only room in the house where I can enjoy complete privacy because of the offspring repellent.

He doesn't look like he can deliver a pizza!

Olivia

I don't have any friends. I live here with a bunch of old people.

Clair

[Singing the blues] What am I to do? Surrounded by all these men. My sailor man is at sea. Now what was his name again?

Rudy

Would you tell my mom something for me?

Olivia

Sure, your Mom's nice. What'd you do?

Rudy

I borrowed some money to buy a sweat shirt.

Olivia

That's not so bad.

Rudy

It was the money she set out for the cleaners.

Olivia

That's not so bad.

Rudy

She put the money on the counter, and Kenny said he'd give me the money if I sold him my Magic Johnson poster, and I did, and he didn't, so I took the money from Mom.

Olivia

Sorry, Rudy, I think you're on your own.

Cliff

If it was just $2.30, why'd you steal it? If it was just $2.30, why didn't you just come and ask me for it?

Rudy

If I would've asked you for the $2.30, you would've asked "What's it for?" and I would've said "A sweat shirt", and you would've said "Do you know how much they paid coal miners in 1919?"

Cliff

(about being romantic) I've got five children. I don't need to prove anything to anybody!

Clair

When are you gonna get it, Theo? This is not about living with Justine. This is about doing something behind our backs and then lying to us about what it is you're doing!

Theo

I'm sorry.

Cliff

The other day, you said your mother and I were controlling you with our money and that you and Justine were gonna go live your own lives. Now, did you ever stop to think what would happen if we said, "no, you can't come back here"?

Theo

No, I didn't.

Clair

Of course you didn't. Because we're your SAFETY NET! You always do this, you go out into the world and you mess up. Why? You know we're always sittin' in this house waiting to take you BACK IN! It's always been that way.

Theo

I know, Mom.

Clair

You come back into this house, you listen to the speech we give, just like the one your father just gave, you go right back out into the world, you mess up, and you always get to come back into the house again! Well, honey, I'm sorry, I have had enough. I do not have the strength to give you the permission to come back into this house.

Theo

Living with Justine has been good for my study habits. I mean she helps me organize. You know, just because you guys give me money doesn't mean you can control my life. You know if you guys aren't gonna get behind us on this, then Justine and I will just have to figure out a way to do it on our own and live our own lives! [Leaves the house]

Cliff

[to Clair] He told you!

Vanessa

You can't tell me to leave Mom alone. Only Mom can tell me to leave her alone. Mom!

Clair

LEAVE ME ALONE!!!