Clair Huxtable quotes from The Cosby Show

Clair

How about getting in the car to got to work and discovering your daughters understanding of 'empty' is 'I'll just park the car over here and mom will fill it up'.

Cliff

How about leaving the car radio on so that both of us have a heart attack. Last time you left the thing on so loud your mother's hair went straight up!

Theo

Ah, your just in time, turkey burgers all around.

Clair

Alright, put one on my plate please? It looks good, I don't know what to put on it.

Cliff

How about some mustard.

Clair

Don't patronize me! I know what I want. I want some of the red stuff.

Theo

Mom, it's ketchup. [Clair gives him a look]

Cliff

Theo...[shakes his head no]

Theo

Right mom, red stuff.

Clair

Go get me a glass of water Rudy!?

Vanessa

Mom, I'm Vanessa.

Clair

Whoever you are, go get me a glass of water! No forget the water just give me ice, lots of ice! Pam get me a warm towel!?

Pam

Coming right up.

Clair

Oh, never mind, get out of my way! Ah this is so much better! [puts her face in the freezer]

Cliff

Would you get me some ice cream while you're in there?

Clair

Have you lost your mind, an ice cream would melt in this room, a person could burn up in this room. Never mind lets just get through this dinner! [slams the freezer door] Now where is Rudy?

Vanessa

Don't you remember, Denise took Rudy out tonight.

Clair

And who is Denise! Oh, that's right, that's the child's sister.

Theo

Mom would you like some peas?

Clair

I was hoping we have carrots. [starts crying]

Theo

We can make carrots mom.

Clair

It's too late, it's too late, I wanted something orange.

Cliff

Why didn't you fix some carrots boy? You kids are not worth a nickel around here.

Vanessa

Mom, it's ok, they have tear ducts specialists for this.

Clair

My tear ducts are fine. It's my children who are so stupid!

Clair

Cliff? Why is Olivia holding that piece of meat?

Cliff

Don't you get it, dear? It's the steak to drive through the vampire's heart!

Olivia

Ew, I hate liver. It tastes icky.

Clair

Oh, but it's so good for you.

Olivia

If it's so good for you, why don't you eat it?

Rudy

Uh-oh.

Clair

What did you just say to me, young lady?

Olivia

I said, you eat it. Please.

Clair

Okay. (starts eating)

Rudy

Mom!

Clair

Oh, but Rudy she said "please."

Cliff

Please doesn't work on me.

Olivia

I'll be your best friend.

Rudy

Dad!

Cliff

I want to be her best friend.

Clair

What is this? [taking a hand out of the fridge]

Olivia

My hand, I made it myself.

Cliff

Do you need an extra?

Olivia

Yes

Cliff

What for?

Olivia

You never know.

Theo

Mrs. Jackson, your daughter has a concentration problem.

Clair

[as Mrs. Jackson] (begins speaking in Spanish)

Theo

No, no, aww naw. I said your name is Mrs. Jackson.

Clair

Si, soy Señora Jackson.

Theo

How am I going to handle this?

Cliff

Deal with it.

Theo

Hablo un pequito de español. Necesito un interpreter.

Cliff

(obviously impressed) My man dealt with it.

Clair

Whether they marry or not, Dabnis is good for Vanessa. He may be the only one that can tunnel into the deep recesses of her mind.

Cliff

Yes! But...will he be able to get out?

Pam

It doesn't make sense, why does the store in the neighborhood charge more so the people there can't afford to pay them?

Russell

Because they can. They own their own company and being the only one in the neighborhood they know they have no competition so they can charge however much they want.

Lance

But isn't that illegal?

Clair

Not at all, because in theory you can take your business elsewhere.

Cliff

But the thing of it is, a lot of those people living in the neighborhood can not afford transportation to the cheaper market.

Lance

Okay, I got it. The problem is the prices are too high, right? So we go in dressed as stock boys with price guns and mark everything 2 for .99. Steak, 2 for $.99, ice cream, 2 for $.99.

Clair

That's very good, Lance.

Lance

Thank you, Mrs. Huxtable. (to the girls) And she's a lawyer.

Clair

Of course you'd be tried on fraudulent charges and wind up serving 3 to 5.