Clair Huxtable quotes from The Cosby Show

Clair

(to Kenny) You realize, of course, that if your brother did work at our law firm that he'd be working for me?

Kenny

That's okay.

Clair

But Kenny, this is the brother that you said never wanted to work for a woman.

Kenny

I know, but he's desperate.

Clair

Well, first of all, we want to tell that we are really proud of you for sticking it out in the rainforest of Africa. That must have been quite an experience and I'm sure that you have grown a lot from that. And you're probably thinking about what you're gonna do next with your life.

Denise

You know, as a matter of fact, I wanna talk to you guys about that.

Cliff

Yes! And I talked to the president of Hillman and she said you can come back anytime you want.

Denise

Mom, Dad, I'd like to...talk to you about the guy who's watching my luggage.

Cliff

(chuckles) Come on. No, no, no. We're talking about...

Denise

No, Dad.

Cliff

Yes?

Denise

He's wonderful.

Cliff

Good, good.

Denise

His name is Martin.

Cliff

Fine.

Denise

And, um...Dad, he graduated from Annapolis. And, uh...ahem. He's a lieutenant in the navy.

Cliff

Ah, boy. Navy man. Can't go wrong with that.

Clair

You have to bring him by the house sometime.

Denise

Yeah, yeah! I'd love to! Soon, I hope.

Cliff

Sure, okay, yeah.

Clair

Wow! You two sound serious!

Denise

Yeah, we are.

Cliff

Yeah.

Denise

Um...We got married.

Cliff

So, I'm talking about what we're going to do is...Now, even if you don't want to go to college...

Clair

(while Cliff is still talking) Cliff, stop! Stop, Cliff! Stop, stop, stop!

Cliff

I'm talking to her about going to college...

Clair

This child has just said that she is married!

Cliff

Who said that?

Clair

Denise is married and I don't even know her last name.

Cliff

Mrs. Stupid.

Denise

Mom, Dad, the Kendalls are home!

Denise

There's someone here I'd like you to meet.

Clair

Oh, Martin, she's adorable. Isn't she, Cliff?

Cliff

She's too short.

Cliff

Vanessa was in here.

Clair

Oh, really?

Cliff

Well, yeah. Came in to complain there's too many people in the house, and then demanded to use our bathroom.

Clair

Did you tell her to get a job?

Clair

Cliff, Angela Henning just called to say that while she and her husband went out, her daughter and her friends- our daughter included - decided to play the alphabet game while chug-a-lugging bourbon, and it seems that Vanessa was very drunk when she left.

Cliff

She must have lost.

Theo

I never thought Vanessa would crack under the pressure.

Clair

What pressure?

Theo

The pressure of growing up in this family. Because of what you guys have accomplished, people expect a lot more from us than other kids. Think about it, you're a lawyer, dad's a doctor. That's a lot of pressure mom.

Clair

We never said "become a doctor" "become a lawyer", we said "go to school, study, become whatever you want".

Theo

There you go, pressure! "Go to school" "become something", that's a lot of pressure, mom. All my friends see it.

Clair

Theo, when do you feel this pressure?

Theo

Every now and then.

Clair

This isn't about pressure, Vanessa got drunk because she and her friends were bored. Although they had television, VCR, video cassettes, audio cassettes, books.

Cliff

And each other.

Clair

Thank you.

Cliff

That they call every five minutes when they're away, yet they were bored together.

Clair

So you see, she did not feel any pressure from us, the only pressure she felt was from her friends.

Cliff

There's your dumb canned pumpkin, your stupid eggs, and your silly nut.

Clair

Nutmeg, and thank you. [kisses Cliff] Will you take those wet things off before you catch a cold? [begins to unpack the groceries] Cliff, there are no eggs in here!

Cliff

There's eggs in there! I put eggs in there, I bought eggs! [Claire lifts up the bag to show him it is empty] I don't care what that bag says, there's eggs in there!

How am I supposed to make corn bread without eggs?

Cliff

People don't need, uh, corn bread! Let- let 'em eat soda crackers!

Clair

When are you gonna get it, Theo? This is not about living with Justine. This is about doing something behind our backs and then lying to us about what it is you're doing!

Theo

I'm sorry.

Cliff

The other day, you said your mother and I were controlling you with our money and that you and Justine were gonna go live your own lives. Now, did you ever stop to think what would happen if we said, "no, you can't come back here"?

Theo

No, I didn't.

Clair

Of course you didn't. Because we're your SAFETY NET! You always do this, you go out into the world and you mess up. Why? You know we're always sittin' in this house waiting to take you BACK IN! It's always been that way.

Theo

I know, Mom.

Clair

You come back into this house, you listen to the speech we give, just like the one your father just gave, you go right back out into the world, you mess up, and you always get to come back into the house again! Well, honey, I'm sorry, I have had enough. I do not have the strength to give you the permission to come back into this house.

Vanessa

You can't tell me to leave Mom alone. Only Mom can tell me to leave her alone. Mom!

Clair

LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

Cliff

I want you to do me a favor. From where my heels are to where I land, I want you to mark how far I jumped. [He jumps across the living room.]

Clair

All right, stay right there. [Counts and calculates.] One... two... that's about eight feet.

Cliff

Eight feet? Add another three to that. Because when we see Vanessa, that's how far away from her I will have to be.

Theo

I know I've been there.

Clair

Where? Where have you been? You have been nowhere. And that is where you're going to stay if you don't quit stirring up trouble.

Pam

The truth is I was going to break curfew and take my punishment.

Clair

Come here. And just how do you know what that punishment is?

Cliff

Did Rudy tell you about that machine in the basement?

Excuse me, Ms. Huxtable. It wasn't Pam's fault. She didn't even want to go. I talked her into it.

Cliff

Well, then you must not be too much of a friend.

Yeah. I care for her a lot.

Cliff

Well, I don't think so. Because people you care for, you look after them.

Pam

Dr. Huxtable, it's not all on Slide. I have a mind of my own.

Clair

Then you better start using it!