Cliff Huxtable quotes from The Cosby Show

Sondra

Every time he goes out with the guys, he expects me to sit and wait for him, his plans are always more important than mine!

Cliff

Why do you keep going back to this boy?

Sondra

Dad, because he's wonderful! He's intelligent, he has a good sense of humor, and we have a great time together.

Cliff

When? [Claire smacks him]

Sondra

When we're not fighting.

Well when is that? [Cliff smacks Claire]

Cliff

So, you'll stay!

I don't want to impose.

Cliff

Ha! You're not imposing, have a little dinner with the Huxtable family.

Well okay, but only if you let me help with the meal.

Cliff

You cook?

Yes, Dr. Huxtable I believe I told you that.

Cliff

[in Sondra's direction] Ha-ha! Come on, we'll all go to the kitchen.

Sondra

That way we'll be done before my ride gets here.

Cliff

That's right, and by the time your ride gets here, maybe you'll have a new ride.

Cliff

You don't have time!

Why not?

Cliff

Because he's coming!

Who's coming?

Cliff

Elvin.

Who's Elvin?

Cliff

Elvin is the fellow she likes.

Oh. Then why am I here?

Cliff

Because you're the fellow I like!

Elvin

My mother works and I don't like it. Sometimes I come home and there's no dinner ready.

Cliff

[laughing] What, are your hands broken?

Clair

Would you and Dr. Huxtable like some coffee?

Elvin

Coffee?

Clair

Yes, coffee.

Elvin

You mean, you're gonna get it?

Clair

Yes, you're surprised?

Elvin

I'm sorry Mrs. Huxtable, I didn't think you did that kind of thing.

Clair

What kind of thing?

Elvin

You know....serve.

Clair

Serve whom?

Elvin

Serve him. [pointing to Cliff]

Clair

Oh, serve him! You mean like, serve your man?

Elvin

Well yeah.

Clair

Let me tell you something Elvin. You see, I am not serving Dr. Huxtable. Okay?

Elvin

Okay.

Clair

That's the kind of thing that goes on in a restaurant. Now I am gonna bring him a cup of coffee just like he brought me a cup of coffee this morning. And that, young man, is what marriage is made of, it is give and take 50/50. And if you don't get it together, and drop these macho attitudes, you ain't never gonna have anybody bringing you anything anywhere anyplace anytime evah! Now what would you like in your coffee?

Elvin

Maybe I could get you some coffee.

Clair

Elvin that's all right. I don't mind getting it. But thanks for offering.

Cliff

Elvin?

Elvin

Yes sir?

Cliff

When she brings the coffee back, if I were you I wouldn't drink it.

Sondra

Every time he goes out with the guys, he expects me to sit and wait for him, his plans are always more important than mine!

Cliff

Why do you keep going back to this boy?

Sondra

Dad, because he's wonderful! He's intelligent, he has a good sense of humor, and we have a great time together.

Cliff

When? [Claire smacks him]

Sondra

When we're not fighting.

Well when is that? [Cliff smacks Claire]

Cliff

So, you'll stay!

I don't want to impose.

Cliff

Ha! You're not imposing, have a little dinner with the Huxtable family.

Well okay, but only if you let me help with the meal.

Cliff

You cook?

Yes, Dr. Huxtable I believe I told you that.

Cliff

[in Sondra's direction] Ha-ha! Come on, we'll all go to the kitchen.

Sondra

That way we'll be done before my ride gets here.

Cliff

That's right, and by the time your ride gets here, maybe you'll have a new ride.

Cliff

You don't have time!

Why not?

Cliff

Because he's coming!

Who's coming?

Cliff

Elvin.

Who's Elvin?

Cliff

Elvin is the fellow she likes.

Oh. Then why am I here?

Cliff

Because you're the fellow I like!

Elvin

My mother works and I don't like it. Sometimes I come home and there's no dinner ready.

Cliff

[laughing] What, are your hands broken?

Clair

Would you and Dr. Huxtable like some coffee?

Elvin

Coffee?

Clair

Yes, coffee.

Elvin

You mean, you're gonna get it?

Clair

Yes, you're surprised?

Elvin

I'm sorry Mrs. Huxtable, I didn't think you did that kind of thing.

Clair

What kind of thing?

Elvin

You know....serve.

Clair

Serve whom?

Elvin

Serve him. [pointing to Cliff]

Clair

Oh, serve him! You mean like, serve your man?

Elvin

Well yeah.

Clair

Let me tell you something Elvin. You see, I am not serving Dr. Huxtable. Okay?

Elvin

Okay.

Clair

That's the kind of thing that goes on in a restaurant. Now I am gonna bring him a cup of coffee just like he brought me a cup of coffee this morning. And that, young man, is what marriage is made of, it is give and take 50/50. And if you don't get it together, and drop these macho attitudes, you ain't never gonna have anybody bringing you anything anywhere anyplace anytime evah! Now what would you like in your coffee?

Elvin

Maybe I could get you some coffee.

Clair

Elvin that's all right. I don't mind getting it. But thanks for offering.

Cliff

Elvin?

Elvin

Yes sir?

Cliff

When she brings the coffee back, if I were you I wouldn't drink it.

Denise

Daddy, did you know that Susan is coming over today?

Cliff

The girl from your social studies class?

Denise

Yeah. You're in your pajamas.

Cliff

Right, well you said the two of you wanted to observe normal everyday activities.

Denise

And this is what you're wearing?

Cliff

Denise, today's Saturday, you're lucky I have on what I have on.

Clair

[about gardening] If this is so lovely, how come you're not down here giving me a hand?

Cliff

Because that's dirt.

Clair

No, to you it's dirt. To me, it's life.

Cliff

Ha ha. Then why is it that you get upset when the children track life into the house?

Denise

Daddy, did you know that Susan is coming over today?

Cliff

The girl from your social studies class?

Denise

Yeah. You're in your pajamas.

Cliff

Right, well you said the two of you wanted to observe normal everyday activities.

Denise

And this is what you're wearing?

Cliff

Denise, today's Saturday, you're lucky I have on what I have on.

Clair

[about gardening] If this is so lovely, how come you're not down here giving me a hand?

Cliff

Because that's dirt.

Clair

No, to you it's dirt. To me, it's life.

Cliff

Ha ha. Then why is it that you get upset when the children track life into the house?

Clair

[whispers] Rudy, come here, quick! Rudy, do you see that guy over there?

Rudy

Daddy?

Clair

Listen, I want you to go over there and tell him that you heard that I thought he was cute.

Rudy

[goes over to Cliff] Mommy said that she heard that she thinks you're cute.

Cliff

Who?

Rudy

Mommy!

Cliff

Mommy said that she heard that she thinks she's cute?

Rudy

You!

Cliff

You tell her that I think that she is allllllriiiiight! [Cliff stops Rudy] Wait, wait, wait, come back here a minute. But don't tell her that I said it. You tell her that you heard that I might have said it.

Rudy

Daddy said that he might heard that you are goooooourgest!

Clair

I want you to go back and tell him that you thought you heard that I would like to go out on a date with him Saturday night at 12:05.

Rudy

[to Cliff] Mommy said that she heard that she would like to go on a date with you at three-oh-oh.

Cliff

Tell her that at 0300, the leukocytes will take over all of the minejectnofields and that I will kiss her on the steps of the Theresa hotel.

Rudy

[to Clair] He said a zeuklomax and a zuklomax may bo and she wants, uh he wants to meet you on the steps of the hotel-of-something.

Clair

Now...

Rudy

No no no, come on. [leads Clair over to Cliff]

Cliff

What did she say?

Rudy

No no no!

Cliff

She said no?