Cliff Huxtable quotes from The Cosby Show

Clair

[whispers] Rudy, come here, quick! Rudy, do you see that guy over there?

Rudy

Daddy?

Clair

Listen, I want you to go over there and tell him that you heard that I thought he was cute.

Rudy

[goes over to Cliff] Mommy said that she heard that she thinks you're cute.

Cliff

Who?

Rudy

Mommy!

Cliff

Mommy said that she heard that she thinks she's cute?

Rudy

You!

Cliff

You tell her that I think that she is allllllriiiiight! [Cliff stops Rudy] Wait, wait, wait, come back here a minute. But don't tell her that I said it. You tell her that you heard that I might have said it.

Rudy

Daddy said that he might heard that you are goooooourgest!

Clair

I want you to go back and tell him that you thought you heard that I would like to go out on a date with him Saturday night at 12:05.

Rudy

[to Cliff] Mommy said that she heard that she would like to go on a date with you at three-oh-oh.

Cliff

Tell her that at 0300, the leukocytes will take over all of the minejectnofields and that I will kiss her on the steps of the Theresa hotel.

Rudy

[to Clair] He said a zeuklomax and a zuklomax may bo and she wants, uh he wants to meet you on the steps of the hotel-of-something.

Clair

Now...

Rudy

No no no, come on. [leads Clair over to Cliff]

Cliff

What did she say?

Rudy

No no no!

Cliff

She said no?

Clair

I bet I know what she wants. She wants to borrow your car.

Cliff

No, I think she want's to borrow your car.

Clair

I don't think so.

Cliff

Why?

Clair

Because my car is a Station Wagon. Now when was the last time you saw a teenager driving a Station Wagon?

Cliff

I better hide my car.

Clair

I bet I know what she wants. She wants to borrow your car.

Cliff

No, I think she want's to borrow your car.

Clair

I don't think so.

Cliff

Why?

Clair

Because my car is a Station Wagon. Now when was the last time you saw a teenager driving a Station Wagon?

Cliff

I better hide my car.

Cliff

[as the family gets ready to watch Rudy in a football game] All right, now everyone's in the car, come on.

Clair

If you don't mind, I think I'd rather stay here.

Cliff

But today, is your daughter's football debut! Today, we're going to watch the Gray Ghost gallop!

Clair

Cliff, I really don't think I can take this.

Cliff

Yeah but you said to me, when our son was going to play, you said 'Cliff, I think it's important that the father be down there to watch the boy.' Now I'm telling you, 'Claire I think it's important for the mother to go down and watch the daughter.' Now come on.

Clair

All right I'm gonna go, but I'm telling you right now. If anybody, ANYBODY at all, tries to hurt my baby, I'm gonna go out there and stop them.

Cliff

This is gonna be a wonderful game, see a mother running out on the field throwing somebody's child up in the stands.

Cliff

[as the family gets ready to watch Rudy in a football game] All right, now everyone's in the car, come on.

Clair

If you don't mind, I think I'd rather stay here.

Cliff

But today, is your daughter's football debut! Today, we're going to watch the Gray Ghost gallop!

Clair

Cliff, I really don't think I can take this.

Cliff

Yeah but you said to me, when our son was going to play, you said 'Cliff, I think it's important that the father be down there to watch the boy.' Now I'm telling you, 'Claire I think it's important for the mother to go down and watch the daughter.' Now come on.

Clair

All right I'm gonna go, but I'm telling you right now. If anybody, ANYBODY at all, tries to hurt my baby, I'm gonna go out there and stop them.

Cliff

This is gonna be a wonderful game, see a mother running out on the field throwing somebody's child up in the stands.

Theo

Hey, dad.

Cliff

[setting up a chess board] Hey, son. Did you get the record you wanted?

Theo

Yes, and I was lucky. This was the last one in the store.

Cliff

How much did it cost?

Theo

Uhh, $7.88.

Cliff

And how much money did I give you?

Theo:

Ten dollars.

Cliff

So...?

Theo

So?

Cliff

[Cliff holds out his hands in a shaking motion, Theo gives him a high five] NO! No, no no! Where's my change?

Theo

Change?

Cliff

Change!

Theo

Well, I didn't know you wanted it back.

Cliff

Well since when have you know for me to give somebody a three dollar bonus for borrowing seven dollars?

Sarah, I'm not sure I want you to get married.

Why not?

[hugging Clair] Well I lost one girl, already. I'm not sure I'm ready to lose another.

Cliff

Well you can have that one back if you want.

What are they laughing at?

Us.

Cliff

They're laughing at what we are, and what you're going to be.

What's that?

Cliff

A husband.

I wonder how they'd feel if we all laughed at them.

Cliff

We can't.

Why not?

Cliff

Because they're not funny.

Theo

Hey, dad.

Cliff

[setting up a chess board] Hey, son. Did you get the record you wanted?

Theo

Yes, and I was lucky. This was the last one in the store.

Cliff

How much did it cost?

Theo

Uhh, $7.88.

Cliff

And how much money did I give you?

Theo:

Ten dollars.

Cliff

So...?

Theo

So?

Cliff

[Cliff holds out his hands in a shaking motion, Theo gives him a high five] NO! No, no no! Where's my change?

Theo

Change?

Cliff

Change!

Theo

Well, I didn't know you wanted it back.

Cliff

Well since when have you know for me to give somebody a three dollar bonus for borrowing seven dollars?

Sarah, I'm not sure I want you to get married.

Why not?

[hugging Clair] Well I lost one girl, already. I'm not sure I'm ready to lose another.

Cliff

Well you can have that one back if you want.

What are they laughing at?

Us.

Cliff

They're laughing at what we are, and what you're going to be.

What's that?

Cliff

A husband.

I wonder how they'd feel if we all laughed at them.

Cliff

We can't.

Why not?

Cliff

Because they're not funny.

Denise

[enters] Hi dad.

Cliff

[rough voice] Oh, hi.

Clair

I'm just having a talk with your father.

Cliff

No no, see this woman is just trying to strangle me.

Denise

Well what did you do?

Cliff

I made a mistake, and I proposed to this wo- [Claire tightens her grip]

Clair

Don't remember ONE thing about that night! I am going to burn this sweater!

Cliff

You don't have to burn anything, I told you, I don't have to remember everything, I remember the important things. Ask me another question.

Clair

What was playing on the car radio when you proposed?

Cliff

When I proposed? On the car radio? Ray Charles, I Can't Stop Loving You, 1962, sold 14 million copies!

Clair

[lovingly] Cliff-

Cliff

Now deal with that!

Denise

[enters] Hi dad.

Cliff

[rough voice] Oh, hi.

Clair

I'm just having a talk with your father.

Cliff

No no, see this woman is just trying to strangle me.

Denise

Well what did you do?

Cliff

I made a mistake, and I proposed to this wo- [Claire tightens her grip]

Clair

Don't remember ONE thing about that night! I am going to burn this sweater!

Cliff

You don't have to burn anything, I told you, I don't have to remember everything, I remember the important things. Ask me another question.

Clair

What was playing on the car radio when you proposed?

Cliff

When I proposed? On the car radio? Ray Charles, I Can't Stop Loving You, 1962, sold 14 million copies!

Clair

[lovingly] Cliff-

Cliff

Now deal with that!