Cliff Huxtable quotes from The Cosby Show

Cliff

[after Denise and Clair tell Theo what the real world is like] Your mother and your sister are absolutely correct. You see, we´re your family. We love you. We let you borrow money even you´re not qualified to pay it back. If you get out in the real world, it´s going to be different.

Theo

But when I get in the real world, I´m doing just fine, ´cause I´m gonna have a lot of money.

Cliff

I hope you´re not waiting for me to die.

Theo

No, I´m gonna earn it.

Cliff

How?

Theo

I´m going to be a model.

Rudy

[seriously talks about Theo´s debt to her] I want my quarter now!

Theo

Dad, can I have an advance on my allowance?

Cliff

I'm sorry son, you're already backed up to your 50th birthday.

Cliff

[after Denise and Clair tell Theo what the real world is like] Your mother and your sister are absolutely correct. You see, we´re your family. We love you. We let you borrow money even you´re not qualified to pay it back. If you get out in the real world, it´s going to be different.

Theo

But when I get in the real world, I´m doing just fine, ´cause I´m gonna have a lot of money.

Cliff

I hope you´re not waiting for me to die.

Theo

No, I´m gonna earn it.

Cliff

How?

Theo

I´m going to be a model.

Rudy

[seriously talks about Theo´s debt to her] I want my quarter now!

Clair

Cliff, do you want to be 19 again?

Cliff

Only if you'll be 19 with me.

Clair

Sure.

Cliff

And the kids can be 49.

Clair

Cliff, do you want to be 19 again?

Cliff

Only if you'll be 19 with me.

Clair

Sure.

Cliff

And the kids can be 49.

Vanessa

Okay, here we go. "The Reptile Family." Sort of a who's who of snakes. [chuckles and give the book to Cliff]

Cliff

Okay, here we are. [opens the book to the first page]

Rudy

[immediately points to the page] THAT'S IT! [short pause] That's it!

Cliff

[in disbelief] This is the snake? [Rudy nods] That's an anaconda. It lives in Brazil.

Vanessa

Rudy, it's 25 feet long and weighs 200 pounds!

Rudy

That's what I saw.

Cliff

I don't think this snake lives in the United States.

Rudy

It could come for a visit.

Vanessa

Okay, here we go. "The Reptile Family." Sort of a who's who of snakes. [chuckles and give the book to Cliff]

Cliff

Okay, here we are. [opens the book to the first page]

Rudy

[immediately points to the page] THAT'S IT! [short pause] That's it!

Cliff

[in disbelief] This is the snake? [Rudy nods] That's an anaconda. It lives in Brazil.

Vanessa

Rudy, it's 25 feet long and weighs 200 pounds!

Rudy

That's what I saw.

Cliff

I don't think this snake lives in the United States.

Rudy

It could come for a visit.

Clair

I'm going to call the zoo.

Cliff

The zoo?! The zoo does not want a garter snake. Garter snakes go to the zoo to see real snakes.

Cliff

Clair, I really enjoyed the dinner today.

Clair

Well, I have a snack just for you, TA-DA.

Cliff

What is it?

Clair

Delicious rice cakes, 35 calories, Cliff. 0 Salt, 0 Fat, 0 Cholesterol.

Cliff

Zero taste. Clair, I want food, like pulpeta.

Clair

No, No.

Cliff

Yes, I want pulpeta.

Vanessa

I did it, I'm sorry and I should be punished.

Cliff

We know it, we accept, and you will be.

Clair

You're not going to fly, and I'll give you three reasons why. First in order to learn to fly you must be young, second, to go off flying you need time, and as a physician, you don't have that, and third, you're not allowed.

Cliff

Who says?

Clair

I says, Bud.

Cliff

Your mother and I are rich. YOU have nothing!

Clair

Vanessa, you are rich because you have got a family that loves you!

Vanessa

Wait, Theo said that when you caught him and Cockroach smoking, you yelled so loud you cracked the walls.

Cliff

Yeah, because those two fools were upstairs smoking, I knock on the door and they say, Just a minute! Just a minute', Just a minute please! so I open the door. They go 'Hi dad!' and 'Hi Dr. Huxtable', they've tossed the cigarettes under the bed still lit! Smoke's coming up, I ask a dumb question, I say 'have you been smoking?' they go 'Oh no' and smoke's coming out the side of their mouths, I say what's that? They say 'Oh well we were trying this very strong beef jerky'. They're lucky I didn't crack more than the walls by yelling.

Clair

Theo, since you enjoy playing circus so much, you can be part of one: the Huxtable circus. This is the big top. And you get to clean the big top from top to bottom, stating with those windows. Then you can do the floors.

Cliff

Look at it this way son; here, no elephants.

Sondra

Turning fifty is a monumental occasion in a man's life.

Cliff

Oh, Lord, who let this child in the house?