Fritz Howard quotes from The Closer

Brenda

[to Fritz, on the subject of their moving in together] There are all these problems that would have to be worked out.

Fritz

Like ... like what?

Brenda

Like gettin' a new phone, for one thing, because you couldn't answer mine when my parents called.

Fritz

That really isn't a ... problem ...

Brenda

And I can be just impossible.

Fritz

I like that you're impossible sometimes.

Brenda

Well, what if you stopped? Stopped liking me?

Fritz

If I was gonna stop liking you, I would have done it already.

Brenda

Good. Well, look, I haven't had a lot of success living with guys, and it could just ruin everything.

Fritz

Yes, but if, uh, we're trying to sort of become closer, more like full partners, living together would give us a chance to see what that would be like.

Brenda

Are you wearing your gun?

Fritz

[smiles] Yeah.

Brenda

Can I have it?

Fritz

What's wrong with yours?

Brenda

Well, in case you hadn't noticed, I'm off duty. So, would you let me borrow yours? For a minute, please? [Fritz hands her his sidearm] Could it really be that simple? [aims at mirror] Bang.

Fritz

What are you doing?

Brenda

Trust me... Trust me. [crouches down] Now walk towards me like you're trying to find out what I'm doing.

Fritz

[still smiling] I am trying to find out what you're doing.

Brenda

["aims" hairbrush at Fritz] Bang. See? That's how I shoot Barak with Martin's gun, and then I shoot Martin with Barak's. That's how. 'Cause he knew Barak was coming. That's how. [kisses him] That's how.

Brenda

[looks at phone as it's ringing, sighs] How do they always know? [answers it] Hi Mama. How are you?...I'm good. I'm at work, but I have a minute. Is everything all right?... [Fritz enters] Great Aunt Who? Mama, is this someone I've even met?...No, I just ran upstairs and I'm out of breath. ... I don't know where Santa Clarita is.

Fritz

It's just north of here.

Brenda

[shushes him] Alright, I'll send her a get well card or something. Can you spell the last name? E-U-L-E-S-S...Mama, I have never met this woman before in my life, I swear...Well, what's wrong with her?...Oh for heaven's sake. If she's been in a coma for two years, how much worse can she get?...Look, I can't talk about this right now because I'm about to, um, interview a serial killer who just stabbed 30 people to death. Alright, alright. OK. Bye!

Brenda

We'll talk about this...all this...later...this evening or something...

Fritz

This reluctance of yours, it has nothing to do with what's going on with Pope, does it?

Brenda

What's going on with Pope?

Fritz

His wife served him with divorce papers last Friday. You didn't know?

Brenda

No.

Fritz

What do you do for a living again?

Brenda

[to Fritz, on the subject of their moving in together] There are all these problems that would have to be worked out.

Fritz

Like ... like what?

Brenda

Like gettin' a new phone, for one thing, because you couldn't answer mine when my parents called.

Fritz

That really isn't a ... problem ...

Brenda

And I can be just impossible.

Fritz

I like that you're impossible sometimes.

Brenda

Well, what if you stopped? Stopped liking me?

Fritz

If I was gonna stop liking you, I would have done it already.

Brenda

Good. Well, look, I haven't had a lot of success living with guys, and it could just ruin everything.

Fritz

Yes, but if, uh, we're trying to sort of become closer, more like full partners, living together would give us a chance to see what that would be like.

Brenda

Oh, he's probably terrified.

Fritz

She. She's probably terrified.

Brenda

I don't see why I'm so upset, he's just a stupid cat.

Fritz

She. She's just a stupid cat.

Brenda

Bad kitty! Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad! Look at you! You are a mess! What have you been doing?

Fritz

I know you're good at your job, honey, but I don't think Kitty's gonna answer you.

Brenda

Oh, he's probably terrified.

Fritz

She. She's probably terrified.

Brenda

I don't see why I'm so upset, he's just a stupid cat.

Fritz

She. She's just a stupid cat.

Brenda

Bad kitty! Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad! Look at you! You are a mess! What have you been doing?

Fritz

I know you're good at your job, honey, but I don't think Kitty's gonna answer you.

Fritz

I was planning on doing this at dinner tonight. It probably would be been more romantic, but chances are you'd still probably be working. And this damn thing doesn't really fit in my pocket, so...

Brenda

What damn thing?

Fritz

I know in your heart you're a bit of an old fashioned girl, so... [gets down on bended knee and takes out a box with a diamond ring] You see, I've arrived at that place where I can't imagine life without you. And let me just say I love you more than anything else in the world. Brenda, will you marry me? Please?

Brenda

You're only asking me because you feel sorry for me.

Fritz

No, I don't. Not at all.

Brenda

Yes, you do.

Fritz

I don't feel sorry. I'm not being nice. You are the woman I've been looking for my whole life and I'm taking advantage of you when you're most vulnerable because I want you to say yes. So please say yes.

Brenda

It's so beautiful. It's ok if I keep my own name?

Fritz

Of course.

Brenda

Well, if you don't have any better sense than to ask me, I guess I better marry you. Because I think you're the guy I've been looking for too. And here we are. We found each other.

Fritz

I thought I knew how much shame you had, but now I see there's a level below. A whole sub-basement of shamelessness.

Brenda

I'm horrible, I know.

Fritz

No, actually. I'm kind of impressed.

Brenda

Well, will you help me, then?

Fritz

Brenda, is something wrong?

Brenda

This is ridiculous.

Fritz

Our real estate agent said it would help sell the house, give it a "home for the holidays" vibe. And we both know Gary doesn't lie.

Brenda

[scoffs] Gary. He hasn't brought us an offer in three months, suddenly he calls out of the blue and we're supposed to hop to? Because he's got "the buyer", again?

Fritz

Brenda, if you don't wanna show the house, just say so.

Brenda

I want to show the house, I just don't wanna waste the day decorating it for one couple!

Fritz

Is it really so terrible to have the house feeling a little festive?

Brenda

I do not like it when I am ordered to be festive!

Fritz

Apparently you put the house on the market.

Brenda

Well, you have to do that to sell it, apparently. Where we'll go after that, I have no idea, since we haven't been able to find the thing we're looking for and honestly the idea of strangers walking around my stuff bothers the living daylights out of me. And I thought that I said we would wait and sell this place after we found something else and were moved out, but I guess that's not what I said.

Fritz

I'm sorry we fought. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the drinking, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I said all that about you.

Brenda

No, no. I'm not always straightforward. You were right about that. I don't always know what to say, so I say the thing I know the other person wants to hear.

Fritz

It's an occupational hazard.

Brenda

And I miss chocolate so much.