Fritz Howard quotes from The Closer

Brenda

You must be upset.

Fritz

You know what would make me upset? Is if this whole working together thing screwed up our whole other thing.

Brenda

[On the phone with Fritz] I'm going to have to deal with some pompous, arrogant oaf who doesn't know thing one about investigating a murder. You wouldn't happen to know who they're sending over, would you?

Fritz

[walking into Brenda's office talking on his cell phone] Yeah. I do.

Fritz

[commenting on Brenda's team] They're not the friendliest group I've ever met with.

Brenda

Well, they're a little slow to warm up.

Tao

I Googled it. [To Fritz] It's an internet thing.

Fritz

Yeah, I know what Google is, Lieutenant. It's the FBI that has a hard time getting online, not me.

Fritz

Alright, we need to get some units over to this Crag Sherman's house right away. I'll call over to see if I can't get us FBI backup.

Brenda

Oh. Didn't I tell you? We picked him up fifteen minutes ago.

Brenda

You must be upset.

Fritz

You know what would make me upset? Is if this whole working together thing screwed up our whole other thing.

Brenda

Is this my Jane Doe?

Fritz

So much for foreplay.

Brenda

All I need from you is an expert to go over these dental records, match them with these teeth, and tell me which missing person she was.

Fritz

Ok. I'll bite.

Brenda

Is this my Jane Doe?

Fritz

So much for foreplay.

Brenda

All I need from you is an expert to go over these dental records, match them with these teeth, and tell me which missing person she was.

Fritz

Ok. I'll bite.

Fritz

I made waffles.

Brenda

I have a waffle iron?

Fritz

Mm hmm.

Fritz

I made waffles.

Brenda

I have a waffle iron?

Fritz

Mm hmm.

Brenda

Are you wearing your gun?

Fritz

[smiles] Yeah.

Brenda

Can I have it?

Fritz

What's wrong with yours?

Brenda

Well, in case you hadn't noticed, I'm off duty. So, would you let me borrow yours? For a minute, please? [Fritz hands her his sidearm] Could it really be that simple? [aims at mirror] Bang.

Fritz

What are you doing?

Brenda

Trust me... Trust me. [crouches down] Now walk towards me like you're trying to find out what I'm doing.

Fritz

[still smiling] I am trying to find out what you're doing.

Brenda

["aims" hairbrush at Fritz] Bang. See? That's how I shoot Barak with Martin's gun, and then I shoot Martin with Barak's. That's how. 'Cause he knew Barak was coming. That's how. [kisses him] That's how.

Brenda

[looks at phone as it's ringing, sighs] How do they always know? [answers it] Hi Mama. How are you?...I'm good. I'm at work, but I have a minute. Is everything all right?... [Fritz enters] Great Aunt Who? Mama, is this someone I've even met?...No, I just ran upstairs and I'm out of breath. ... I don't know where Santa Clarita is.

Fritz

It's just north of here.

Brenda

[shushes him] Alright, I'll send her a get well card or something. Can you spell the last name? E-U-L-E-S-S...Mama, I have never met this woman before in my life, I swear...Well, what's wrong with her?...Oh for heaven's sake. If she's been in a coma for two years, how much worse can she get?...Look, I can't talk about this right now because I'm about to, um, interview a serial killer who just stabbed 30 people to death. Alright, alright. OK. Bye!

Brenda

We'll talk about this...all this...later...this evening or something...

Fritz

This reluctance of yours, it has nothing to do with what's going on with Pope, does it?

Brenda

What's going on with Pope?

Fritz

His wife served him with divorce papers last Friday. You didn't know?

Brenda

No.

Fritz

What do you do for a living again?