David Gabriel quotes from The Closer

Gabriel

This is L.A. The sun shines 329 days a year. That squint is not working for me. [Hands Brenda a bag, in which she finds two pairs of sunglasses]

Brenda

[Puts on a pair] This was completely unnecessary.

Gabriel

You're welcome.

Taylor

What is it you need? Another pair of hands?

Gabriel

Yeah.

Flynn

I'll go.

Gabriel

Um, I mean, that'd be great, only...

Taylor

Only what?

Gabriel

Well, sir, um, Lt. Flynn is one of our best guys here at the department, but he and, um...

Flynn

The bitch hates my guts.

Flynn

Hey, you know what's funny?

Gabriel

What?

Flynn

She can't stand me. I'm doing everything I can to make her life miserable; and here you are - you've tried to help her out wherever you could, and she treats us both exactly the same. Heh.

Gabriel

Lieutenant, are you all right?

Provenza

Oh, I don't know. I think I broke something!

Brenda

I am shocked that you would assault an old man without provocation!...Sergeant Gabriel, check and see if a paramedic can come down here and take a look at Lieutenant Provenza. [To Provenza] Are you ok?

Provenza

Old man?

Gabriel

This is L.A. The sun shines 329 days a year. That squint is not working for me. [Hands Brenda a bag, in which she finds two pairs of sunglasses]

Brenda

[Puts on a pair] This was completely unnecessary.

Gabriel

You're welcome.

Taylor

What is it you need? Another pair of hands?

Gabriel

Yeah.

Flynn

I'll go.

Gabriel

Um, I mean, that'd be great, only...

Taylor

Only what?

Gabriel

Well, sir, um, Lt. Flynn is one of our best guys here at the department, but he and, um...

Flynn

The bitch hates my guts.

Flynn

Hey, you know what's funny?

Gabriel

What?

Flynn

She can't stand me. I'm doing everything I can to make her life miserable; and here you are - you've tried to help her out wherever you could, and she treats us both exactly the same. Heh.

What do we call this...Jane Doe?

Gabriel

The body formerly known as Lisa Barnes.

What do we call this...Jane Doe?

Gabriel

The body formerly known as Lisa Barnes.

Gabriel

Well, I'd say the wife has a pretty airtight alibi.

Brenda

You know who needs airtight alibis? Murderers.

Gabriel

So, you guys all heard, right? About the, uh, IA investigation?

Provenza

What IA Investigation?

Gabriel

An anonymous complaint against Deputy Chief Johnson. Conduct unbecoming. Anybody here know anything about that?

Gabriel

Let's suppose I have no specific knowledge as to who filed the complaint. Suppose I were just to discuss the charge of conduct unbecoming an officer on its merits because Internal Affairs is going to ask me about it. And I'm going to answer them.

Taylor

And your response will be...?

Gabriel

I'm going to tell them that I've observed Deputy Chief Johnson on every case that she's worked and that I think that the charges against her are small-minded, petty, and malicious, and that I'm ashamed of whoever may have filed them. That's what I'm going to tell them.

Taylor

[Laughing] You feel better now? You feel righteous, all puffed up?

Gabriel

No, sir. I feel sick to my stomach. If you'll excuse me, I'm investigating a murder, Sir.

Gabriel

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Brenda

I don't know. What are you thinking?

Gabriel

I'm thinking that no one could have gotten from here to Pruitt's house and back in under an hour. I mean there were shows at the Greek and Hollywood Bowl. It would have been bumper to bumper for miles. Is that what you were thinking?

Brenda

No. I was thinking about the subway.

Gabriel

Oh, yeah. We got a subway.

Hey, whoa. Why don't you people just wait in the living room?

Gabriel

Hey, first of all we're not "you people", we're Los Angeles police, and when we show up unexpectedly, it's not because we have a problem, it's because you do. Now I suggest you step aside and be quiet.

Gabriel

Well, I'd say the wife has a pretty airtight alibi.

Brenda

You know who needs airtight alibis? Murderers.