Brenda Leigh Johnson quotes from The Closer

Brenda

Okay. Maybe this Samantha Jones lifted Bill Croelick's stainless steel lighter - with his fingerprints on it, made a copy of Lisa Barnes' driver's licence, stole a car, pushed it off a cliff, cutting her hands and feet off as she jumped into the falling car and set herself on fire. Maybe she trained for her suicide with Cirque du Soleil.

Brenda

[to Sgt. Gabriel on the phone] I found Croelick. He's on my front porch. Be nice if we had some company.

Brenda

Conduct unbecoming? What about my conduct is unbecoming?

Brenda

I speak German, Russian, and am fully conversant in Czech, and I have to move to the one city where half of the people are from Latin America?

Brenda

[To PHD team] I just want to say that there's been a complaint lodged against me - an anonymous complaint with Internal Affairs and there's a meeting about it tomorrow, and I don't know what's going to happen. Interrogating people, getting to the truth and knowing the right thing to do politically are two very different things. In fact, to do either of them very well, you have to pretty much ignore one of them altogether, which is what I've done. So now...I'm in trouble again, and I don't know if I'll even be here tomorrow evening, and if I'm not, I just wanted to tell you all how much I've enjoyed working with you. Y'all are just, just really great people.

Brenda

I'd like to start with you, Ms. Powell. I'd like to say how sorry I am that I was unable to ignore your general level of incompetence in the wrongly obtained conviction in the case of Bill Croelick. And I'm sorry if you felt hurt and defensive about putting a man on death row for the wrong crime, and I certainly hope that that will never, ever happen again. Agent Jackson, I deeply regret that the FBI handed over two million dollars to a man on a terrorist watch list without the capacity to trace it, or managed to follow him for months without knowing his wife was having an affair with a doctor, and I hope you do much better in the future. Captain Taylor, I suppose I should apologize to you for not having been born in Los Angeles, but having seen you work up close now for several months, I can honestly say that try as I might, I can't think of any fair and reasonable system on earth where I wouldn't outrank you. There. I hope that clears everything up.

Brenda

Conduct unbecoming? What about my conduct is unbecoming?

Brenda

I speak German, Russian, and am fully conversant in Czech, and I have to move to the one city where half of the people are from Latin America?

Brenda

[To PHD team] I just want to say that there's been a complaint lodged against me - an anonymous complaint with Internal Affairs and there's a meeting about it tomorrow, and I don't know what's going to happen. Interrogating people, getting to the truth and knowing the right thing to do politically are two very different things. In fact, to do either of them very well, you have to pretty much ignore one of them altogether, which is what I've done. So now...I'm in trouble again, and I don't know if I'll even be here tomorrow evening, and if I'm not, I just wanted to tell you all how much I've enjoyed working with you. Y'all are just, just really great people.

Brenda

I'd like to start with you, Ms. Powell. I'd like to say how sorry I am that I was unable to ignore your general level of incompetence in the wrongly obtained conviction in the case of Bill Croelick. And I'm sorry if you felt hurt and defensive about putting a man on death row for the wrong crime, and I certainly hope that that will never, ever happen again. Agent Jackson, I deeply regret that the FBI handed over two million dollars to a man on a terrorist watch list without the capacity to trace it, or managed to follow him for months without knowing his wife was having an affair with a doctor, and I hope you do much better in the future. Captain Taylor, I suppose I should apologize to you for not having been born in Los Angeles, but having seen you work up close now for several months, I can honestly say that try as I might, I can't think of any fair and reasonable system on earth where I wouldn't outrank you. There. I hope that clears everything up.

Brenda

We need them to talk to us, so don't tell them you're from homicide; just say LAPD. When people see you at their door and you say homicide, you lose them and any chance of learning something useful. Ask if anyone else is there, just in case they pass out when they hear the news. I have to stay with a mother once who fainted, slammed her head on a coffee table and I was stuck waiting for an ambulance with a bleeding, unconscious woman. Answer any question they have with another question. We need to find out if they saw their son, might even tell us something about their relationship with him. Maybe even who he hangs out with. How you say it is up to you. Once you tell them, watch closely. How they react, what's the first thing they think of? Now get ready. You're about to become the main character in the story of someone's worst day ever.

Brenda

We need them to talk to us, so don't tell them you're from homicide; just say LAPD. When people see you at their door and you say homicide, you lose them and any chance of learning something useful. Ask if anyone else is there, just in case they pass out when they hear the news. I have to stay with a mother once who fainted, slammed her head on a coffee table and I was stuck waiting for an ambulance with a bleeding, unconscious woman. Answer any question they have with another question. We need to find out if they saw their son, might even tell us something about their relationship with him. Maybe even who he hangs out with. How you say it is up to you. Once you tell them, watch closely. How they react, what's the first thing they think of? Now get ready. You're about to become the main character in the story of someone's worst day ever.

Brenda

[handing the bride her cake topper] I'm sorry. I almost forgot. You know, giving this back to you, is almost as sweet as... the icing on your cake.

Brenda

If there's one thing my job has taught me: everything changes when you say it out loud.

Brenda

My hit-and-run turned out to be a hit-and-run-around-the-block-and-then-hit-him-again...and run.