Scooby-dooby-Doo, motherfucker!!
I'm sorry, we didn't catch that. There was a long beep at the end of your sentence.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Oh, my God, I'm the first rapper to shot! I hope this becomes a thing.
All hot girls are crazy...but not all crazy girls are hot.
CChonie
Sweet burritos and skeptical papacitos.
Oooo, I like her.
[Clevland puts a little blue football helmet next to the yellow, the red, the purple and the green]
Donna, ya gotta see what I did for the superbowl party! Put some deodorant on and come in here. [spraying is heard] Both arms.
[Donna continues spraying and comes down]
Cleveland, what on earth is that?
[two chairs are floating above the couch]
VRP Scarbucks. I'm not sitting down here with you.
[suddenly, they hear an earthquake]
Oh my god! Is that the rapture?
No, rehearsal for the blue angel fly-over. They protect nothing.
You know, Cleveland. If you didn't spend all our money on your superbowl parties, maybe you can buy me a McMansion. Like that new one across the street. Mmm. [a mansion is across the street from their house] Killers.
Vulgar. It's vulgar, Donna. Do you want to be vulgar? Look, somebody's trying to break into it! [a burglar crawls into the window] Donna, call the police.
[Rallo has a cell phone]
No, man. You should do it. You sound white on the phone. They actually might come.
[Cleveland and a policeman, holding a flashlight walk to the mansion]
PPoliceman
You sounded white on the phone.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That window. [the policeman pulls out a gun and walks over. Cleveland whispers] Hey, can I hold the gun?
PPoliceman
Sure.
[Cleveland makes gun sounds]
How do I look?
PPoliceman
Bad ass.
[the doors open]
Freeze, dirt bag! [Chonie angrily walks up] Chonie?
[Roberta is making out with Federline]
Roberta...Roberta...Roberta...
Rallo, leave us alone! Go play a video game or somethin'!
Cool! If you need me, I'll be warming up some foil in the microwave for no reason.
[he leaves and as Roberta and Federline resume making out, a microwave running, an electrical shock and explosion are heard]
[off-screen] Wa'n' me.
[Donna is reading an Entertainment Weekly magazine, while Cleveland is texting]
Cleveland [laughs] Me and Lester are texting each other, Donna. Can you imagine him lying in bed next to Kimber. They look like the number 10. [laughs, sighs and gets depressed] I feel bad for Lester.
Hey, guys. I got a magic trick for you.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. Get out of here, Rallo! How do you know we weren't doing something prizy.
'Cause I don't hear "Celebration" by Kool and the Gang Now think of a number then write it down, and only use this pen and press really hard and then rip it off and don't let me see it. [Cleveland writes down a number, rip the paper off and tries not to let Rallo see it. Rallo then writes a number] Okay, what's your number? 10?
Yeah. Poor Lester. You trick, Rallo. Run along to bed.
Hold on, now. You haven't seen the incredible floating cigarette. [he has a cigarette hang from a string and tied to his finger]
Rallo, where did you get that cigarette?
Tobacco Company. Reppler's handing them out at the playground.
[to Donna] Smart. Now go back to bed.
One more, one more. [hands out cards] Pick a card, any card.
[Cleveland picks out a card]
Jack of clubs. Now go away.
Aw, man. [leaves and closes the door]
What are you so hard on that boy?
STEP-boy.
[a gunshot is heard as everybody runs out of The Broken Stool and screams. Lester shoots once more and misses the apple on Tim's head]
Dang, missed again. Huh, who am I kidding? I can't hurt a healthy snack.
Guys, I'm not sure about the hunting trip. Haven't found the right moment to run it by Donna yet. Not like I need a permission slip or anything.
Got mine. Signed by my mom.
[he and Tim high-five each other]
If I even mention it, she'll flip out. Something's got her all insane in the fem brain. I don't know what to do.
Lester, Holt and Tim: Lie to her.
Okay!
[deep thought] God, Pictonary sucks. I love not havin' to hear my family. Uh-oh – something's happening! [the family are already jumping happily, and Cleveland joins in] We're happy and jumping! Yay!
With the Commodores, those cats are out of sight. Ya ding.
Does everyone in this family stuck in the '70s? Can any of you name a single current rapper?
What's a rapper?
Oh, Cleveland. You are stuck in the '70s. They're the guys who wear the gold chains and go "Whippity-bop, Flippity-bop."
[pretending he has a microphone] Ohh, Donna. That is fresh. Let's have some more of that.
[Cleveland and Donna start rap dance in front of Roberta]
Whooly-hop, Whooly-hoo. And a woop-a-doo-lo-doo.
Scratch, scratch, sratch. [uses Roberts plate as a record]
Uh-huh.
Don't give me no job.
Uh-huh.
Too bad.
Uh-huh.
Her bad.
I'm bad.
[she and Cleveland stand together]
Well. If we're going on a '70s cruise, I'm gonna go get unwaxed.
AOAnnouncer on Radio
Look out for that truck.
Ah! TRUCK!
Yeah! Par three over here!
Donna, you don't think I'm the whitest black man in America. Do you?
No, honey. What does that even mean?
May I take this? It means you were dancing like a little white girl so you could see a little white boy dance and sing for little white boys, white girls and a rainbow of pedophiles.
I was trying to win those tickets for Junior.
CJCleveland, Jr.
Keep me out of your freak show. [whispers] I really do want to go.
Look at you, you still say things like "Party over here!" and "Too legit to quit!"
Yeah, boyee!
Gross.
You're joke.
Stop teasing Cleveland.
[Cleveland walks up to Barbara's house and rings the doorbell]
BBarbara
[gasps] Cleveland Brown!
White lady I've never seen before!
BBarbara
[laughs] I thought if I raised you, Cleveland. I'm your nanny Barbara.
What?
BBarbara
Look at you, all grown up. My Cleveland has come back to me. [wiggles her finger] Party over here!
[Cleveland is surprised]
We'll be white black.
Cleveland, get yo' ass off the grass!!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Cleveland Show pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.