[Cindy tries to talk her siblings and Alice into appearing in a fundraiser play of "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs"]
Me play one of the seven dwarfs?
You liked Mrs. Whitfield, didn't you?
Sure, she was my favorite teacher. She was Marcia's favorite teacher too. I think she was even Mom's favorite teacher.
Boy, she's been teaching since the older days.
You better not say that around Mom.
Well, will you help me with the play?
Well, you can't be Dopey.
I'm saving that part for someone special.
[Cut to bathroom, knock on the door]
Sure, Cindy. Anything for good old Mrs. Whitfield.
Except, I want to play Dopey instead of you.
How did you know I wanted to play Dopey?
[Cindy leaves]
[Cut to Greg's room, Cindy knocks on the door]
GregCome in.
Gee, Greg, this room in the attic sure is neat. I love the way you fixed it up, and Alice —
Greg
Cindy, you don't have to butter me up. I'd be glad to help out Mrs. Whitfield.
Greg
But I want to play Dopey instead of you.
How did you know I wanted to play Dopey?
Greg
Thin floors.
[Cut to boys' room, Cindy knocks on the door]
Sure, Cindy, anything for Mrs. Whitfield. As long as I get to play Dopey.
That goes for me too, but I want to play Dopey.
Well, you can't be Dopey.
Yes, I can. [door closes]
"Snow White and the Seven Dopeys"?
[Cut to kitchen]
Alice, how would you like a nice, big, juicy part in my play?
I'd love to! Can I play Dopey?
That part's already taken, six times.
How about the wicked queen?
You got yourself a deal. If I can't be a wacky dwarf, I'll be a wicked queen. [imitates evil laughter]
That was good. Thanks, Alice!
BKBrady kids and Sam
[singing] Heigh ho, heigh ho, it's home from work we go! (whistle) Heigh ho, heigh ho, heigh ho, heigh ho, heigh ho, we're seven in a row [whistle, Sam stops], heigh ho.
Greg/Doc
What'd you stop for, Dopey?
SDSam/Dopey
Eh, I forgot which way we live, Doc!
Jan/Happy, Cindy/Grumpy: We live that way! [point in opposite directions]
MSMarcia/Sleepy
[yawn] Can't we get going? It's time for my nap! I'm sleepy!
PSPeter/Sneezy
Well, I'm catching a cold! [sneezes]
BBBobby/Bashful
I know which way we live!
Greg/Doc
Which way, Bashful?
BBBobby/Bashful
I'm too bashful to tell you! [laughs]
SDSam/Dopey
Hey, I remember which way! We follow the yellow brick road!
CGCindy/Grumpy
That's in "The Wizard Of Oz!"
SDSam/Dopey
So, don't follow the yellow brick road!
BKBrady kids and Sam
[singing] Heigh ho, heigh ho, it's home from work we go! [march behind the stage]
[Bobby doesn't want to be with Peter, whom he's at odds with]
Wanna play a game or something, Alice?
Oh, gee, I'm sorry, Bobby, not tonight. I gotta go to bed early, I didn't sleep very well last night.
Well, I stayed up half the night, watching one of those TV horror movies, "The Demon That Devoured Detroit", gave both of us heartburn. [leaves, Greg comes in]
Wanna watch some TV with me, Greg?
Greg
Sorry, I got a date. I'll see you later.
[Bobby walks into the living room, seeing his sisters leaving]
Hey, where are you going?
We're gonna spend the night at my friend Helen's house.
That wallpaper post made our room smell too icky.
Have fun. [the girls leave]
[Mike and Carol are leaving]
Don't stay up past your bedtime.
I might as well go to sleep right now; there's nobody around here to do anything with.
Oh, now, Bobby, Peter's home.
That's the same thing as being alone.
[Greg and Marcia were playing a trick on Peter and Bobby with the "UFO"]
Anybody for more flapjacks? Right off the grill and still flappin'?
Greg
No, I gotta get going.
Aren't you gonna stick around and see how Peter and Bobby's UFO pictures turned out?
Greg
No, in their case I think "UFO" means "Undoubtedly Flipped Out".
Hey Alice, if any space creatures do show up, give them some flapjacks and tell them to stick around for a while.
Greg
Bobby! Bobby, where are you?! Come on out, you can't hide forever!
[Enters the room, while Greg is looking under the bunk bed] Hey Greg, what are you doing down here?
Greg
[Emerges] Looking for Bobby, I'm gonna clobber him!
What... [Laughs] Hey, do you know your hair is orange? [Greg fumes] What happened?
Greg
Bobby's hair tonic!
You sure could be a stand-out student at graduation! [Laughs]
Greg
Very funny. [Leaves the room, goes to the girls' room] Has either of you seen Bobby?
Greg! What happened to your hair?
Greg
Bobby's hair tonic!
Bobby's hair tonic? You mean you actually bought some of that junk?
Greg
Only because I felt kinda sorry for him. But now I really feel sorry for him, 'cause he's about to have a fatal accident!
[The girls laugh]
[Pretends to offer Greg her orange sweater] Greg, do you want to borrow this for your graduation? It will match your hair!
Now wait a minute, you two, let's not have any bloodshed!
Yeah, especially my blood! [Greg attempts to lunge at him, Carol tries to keep him apart]
Greg
Well, what am I gonna do about my hair?!
Well, I don't know, leave your brother alone, we'll try to figure something out! [Turns to Bobby] I knew something like this was gonna happen, Bobby!
Greg
Well, why didn't you tell me?!
Well, here, let me see the bottle. [Takes the bottle] There's an address here! Now look, why don't we call the Neat & Natural Hair Tonic company, maybe this happened to some of their other customers.
Yeah, good thinking. Look, I'll try information.
I'm really sorry, I mean, I didn't know something like this was gonna happen!
Greg
Yeah, I guess you couldn't know.
Of course, it could have been worse!
Greg
I'd like to know how!
It could have turned green!
Greg
Thanks, you're real company!
[on the phone] I see. Yeah. Thank you, operator. [Hangs up phone] Well, the Neat & Natural Company had it's phone disconnected. Oh, Bobby, I knew it was gonna be some sort of shady outfit!
I was really a jerk to fall for the ad in the magazine.
Greg
What am I gonna do about tomorrow, mom? It's graduation!
Well, Greg, have you tried to wash that stuff out of your hair?
Greg
No, I've been too busy looking for this... dumbhead! For your sake, it better work! [Leaves]
Oh, Bobby. Better say your prayers.
[In the attic, Greg tries washing his hair]
Greg
It didn't work. I washed it five times and it didn't work.
Well, at least you've got squeaky clean hair. I bet it grows out in 6-8 months.
Greg
Fantastic. Now what do I do in the meantime?
Well, you could shave your head and pretend you're a bowling ball. [Leaves, to Carol] He looks like Lucille Ball!
It didn't wash out, huh honey?
Greg
If anything, it got brighter orange.
Well look, I called the Better Business Bureau about that Neat and Natural Hair Tonic Company.
Greg
What did they say?
The FDA closed them down.
Greg
Oh well, now's a great time to find out.
Well, there is one consolation. I mean, outside of the color, it's not gonna hurt your hair or your scalp.
Greg
Well, what about graduation? I can't go out in public like this!
Well, I do have a solution. It might be a little embarrassing, but I think it'll work.
Greg
Mother, I couldn't possibly get any more embarrassed than I already am.
The Brady Bunch · 120 quotes
