Peter Brady quotes from The Brady Bunch

Peter

Boy, a parakeet just for a sprained ankle. Can I get an alligator if I broke my leg?

Mike

No, so don't try it.

Mike

Well, we have five suspects and five confessions.

Carol

Correction. Six suspects. And #6 is looking forward to an overnight camping trip this Saturday.

Mike

By Jove, Holmes, you’ve deduced that young Peter Brady did it.

Carol

Elementary, my dear Watson, the five who confessed are covering up for the sixth who didn’t.

Mike

Right. And if Peter is guilty, then the other kids are accessories to the crime.

Carol

Well, what are we gonna do about it, Mike?

Mike

Why not we play along with their little game and punish everybody who confessed?

Carol

[gasps] What? And allow Peter to get away with it?

Mike

Honey, Peter is not going to get away with it. His conscience is not going to let him.

Peter

Does anybody know why Dad called this meeting?

Marcia

I do. He's gonna tell everybody I broke the vase. I confessed.

Greg

Oh, no.

Marcia

Well, somebody had to take the blame.

Greg

I told Mom I did it.

Bobby

Me too.

Jan

Thud.

Bobby

You too?

Cindy

I guess we all confessed.

Peter

I didn’t.

Greg

You didn’t.

Peter

[angry] I wanted to in the first place! But you guys drained up this whole thing!

Marcia

Peter’s right. We’re as much to blame for this as he is.

Jan

Shh! Here they come.

Cindy

I think we’re all gonna get it now.

Mike

One of you broke your mother's vase. But five of you claimed that you did it.

Carol

There seems to be a slight communication gap in this family.

Mike

Look! No matter who broke it, the others of you who confessed are just as guilty for hiding the truth. And I’m afraid you’re all going to have to be punished.

Cindy

By yon bonnie banks

And by yon bonnie braes

Where the sun shines bright on Loch Lomond

Cindy

How are we supposed to practice?

Peter

You can hear these drums all the way to Loch Lomond.

Jan

Right now I wish Bobby was in the glee club.

Peter

I wish he was in Loch Lomond.

Peter

A necktie!?

Greg

Sure, Pete. When you're famous, you can't look like a slob.

Bobby

Does that mean you have to wear clean socks, too?

Greg

[ignoring Bobby] There, now how do I look?

Peter

Like a slob with a tie!

Peter

When are you going to grow up?

Bobby

When I get older.

Greg

What's that got to do with singing at the prom?

Peter

Nothing, but it would sure get his attention.

Peter

Cindy stuck her tongue out of me.

Carol

She's just a little girl.

Peter

She has an awfully big tongue.

Greg

How would you like to get Kerry back? Now listen, I-

Peter

I don't trust you, you stole my girl!

Greg

I did not steal your girl.

Peter

You did.

Bobby

If you guys are starting that again, I'm getting out of here.

Jan

If I were an only child, I wouldn't have any phony brothers and sisters! Who needs you?!

Greg

You mean that, Jan?

Jan

You're right, I sure do!

Greg

Well, if that's what you want, I'm sure it can be arranged. Right, you guys? [Marcia, Peter, Bobby and Cindy agree]

Peter

You just lost yourself five brothers and sisters!

Marcia

And you can have the whole house to yourself.

Jan

Great!

Cindy

For us, too!

Greg

As far as you're concerned, we don't even exist.

Bobby

Yeah, we're not even here!

Greg

Consider us invisible! Come on, gang, let's disappear. [Everybody but Jan leaves]

Peter

What are we leaving for?

Bobby

Yeah, this is our room!

Alice

And I found...!

Alice

...well, what was left of the other one.

Carol

Oh no!

Peter

At least the mystery is solved.

Mike

Well, Carol? You are just going to have to go without them. Come on, honey, we better get going.

Cindy

Mom, I promise I’ll never take anything again (that doesn't belong to me) when I’m not supposed to.

Carol

All right, Cindy. But you and I are going to have a very long talk about this tomorrow.

Greg

Its a good composition Pete. How come you got a C-?

Peter

Read the last line.

Greg

[Reading Aloud] "If George Washington never told a lie how come he got so far in politics?"

Jan

Me play one of the seven dwarfs?

Cindy

You liked Mrs. Whitfield, didn't you?

Jan

Sure, she was my favorite teacher. She was Marcia's favorite teacher too. I think she was even Mom's favorite teacher.

Cindy

Boy, she's been teaching since the older days.

Jan

You better not say that around Mom.

Cindy

Well, will you help me with the play?

Jan

Sure. If I can be Dopey.

Cindy

Well, you can't be Dopey.

Jan

Why not?

Cindy

I'm saving that part for someone special.

Jan

Who?

Cindy

Me.

Marcia

Come in.

Cindy

Marcia, how about —

Marcia

Sure, Cindy. Anything for good old Mrs. Whitfield.

Cindy

Oh, thanks!

Marcia

Except, I want to play Dopey instead of you.

Cindy

How did you know I wanted to play Dopey?

Marcia

Thin walls.

Greg

Come in.

Cindy

Gee, Greg, this room in the attic sure is neat. I love the way you fixed it up, and Alice —

Greg

Cindy, you don't have to butter me up. I'd be glad to help out Mrs. Whitfield.

Cindy

Thanks!

Greg

But I want to play Dopey instead of you.

Cindy

How did you know I wanted to play Dopey?

Greg

Thin floors.

Peter

Sure, Cindy, anything for Mrs. Whitfield. As long as I get to play Dopey.

Bobby

That goes for me too, but I want to play Dopey.

Peter

Well, you can't be Dopey.

Bobby

Yes, I can. [door closes]

Cindy

"Snow White and the Seven Dopeys"?

Cindy

Alice, how would you like a nice, big, juicy part in my play?

Alice

I'd love to! Can I play Dopey?

Cindy

That part's already taken, six times.

Alice

What have you got left?

Cindy

How about the wicked queen?

Alice

You got yourself a deal. If I can't be a wacky dwarf, I'll be a wicked queen. [imitates evil laughter]

Cindy

That was good. Thanks, Alice!

[singing] Heigh ho, heigh ho, it's home from work we go! (whistle) Heigh ho, heigh ho, heigh ho, heigh ho, heigh ho, we're seven in a row [whistle, Sam stops], heigh ho.

Greg/Doc

What'd you stop for, Dopey?

Eh, I forgot which way we live, Doc!

[yawn] Can't we get going? It's time for my nap! I'm sleepy!

Well, I'm catching a cold! [sneezes]

I know which way we live!

Greg/Doc

Which way, Bashful?

I'm too bashful to tell you! [laughs]

Hey, I remember which way! We follow the yellow brick road!

That's in "The Wizard Of Oz!"

So, don't follow the yellow brick road!

[singing] Heigh ho, heigh ho, it's home from work we go! [march behind the stage]

Peter

For no reason at all, right out of left field she fired me.

Bobby

What a rotten thing to do to your own brother.

Peter

That's what you get when you give small people power. They can't handle it.

Marcia

Are you gonna be in there all night?

Bobby

Dictator! [leaves]

Marcia

You brainwashed Bobby!

Peter

No I didn't, I told him the truth. You fired me 'cause you're power-hungry.

Marcia

I fired you because you're lazy and you deserved it!

Peter

You know what you are? A company stooge!

Marcia

What's the use?

Peter

Okay, run away from the truth, you Captain Bligh Dictator!

Marcia

And you're a capital "G" goof-off!

Bobby

How am I doing now?

Cindy

It still sounds awful, but you're playing a lot faster.

Peter

So it's awful for less time.

Bobby

Hardy-har-har.