A character in The Brady Bunch
Played by Christopher Knight
The Brady Bunch · 120 quotes
4th most-quoted character in The Brady Bunch: in 37 of its 120 quotes
Most scenes with: Bobby Brady (23), Greg Brady (17), Cindy Brady (14)
Peter, will you be our judge?
PeterFor what?
Bobby and I made a bet on who's the best bike rider.
PeterWhat did you bet?
Same thing as Greg and Marcia. The person who comes closer to the stopline without going over wins.
And the loser has to do the winner's chores for a whole year.
PeterWell, first you better look at something, Bobby. [points to Greg doing ironing]
Ain't too easy to beat a dumb ol' girl anyway. [leaves]
Chicken.
[Peter and Bobby are camping out in the backyard, waiting for their "UFO" to appear]
Hey, did the UFO land yet?
No, do you see one?
Oh, well we thought that maybe you hid it in your sleeping bags.
PeterLook, if you just came out here to make jokes, you can leave.
Yeah!
Oh, we believe in flying objects, Peter.
It's just that flying objects don't believe in us.
Peter[hops up] Listen, if you guys aren't out of here in three seconds, you're both gonna be flying objects!
Ooh, quiver!
Quake, quake!
PeterBlast off!
[The boys' room, Oliver is snoring loudly]
[annoyed] Hey, Pete! Pete, you sleeping?
PeterAre you kidding? Who can sleep with that buzz-saw going?
Yeah, for a little guy, he sure snores big.
PeterSounds like the MGM Lion.
How are we going to get any sleep?
PeterI've read once where you can stop people from snoring by rolling them over. Let's try it.
All right.
[Peter and Bobby try to roll Oliver over]
He's heavier than he looks.
[Peter and Bobby fall on the floor, breaking the lamp on nightdesk]
Would you guys be a little bit more quiet? A guy can't get any sleep around here!
[Marcia and Jan try to find out if Cindy is snooping in Marcia's diary]
[They enter Peter and Bobby's room]
Passing through.
Gotta use the bathroom.
PeterYou got a door on your side!
It's stuck! [The girls get into the bathroom]
Now I know why hermits want to be hermits.
[The girls return from the bathroom, the same way]
Passing through.
What is this, a freeway?
Oh, we just couldn't stand being away from you two beautiful people.
[The girls leave, Peter blocks the door with a chair]
[Cindy and Oliver arrive home with a record album, Peter and Bobby are playing football in the yard]
PeterHey, what's in the bag?
A record album.
What kind?
The round kind.
With a hole in the middle.
[laughs sarcastically] Very funny. Let's see it. [tries to grab the album from Cindy, but Cindy snatches it back]
PeterWhat's the big secret?
You know what the secret is.
Yeah, and you guys better treat Cindy nice! She's gonna be rich and famous and I'm gonna help her!
PeterWhat are you two gonna do, rip off a bank?
Yeah, Bonnie and Clyde! [The older boys laugh]
[sarcastically] Very funny.
Yeah! [leaves inside with Cindy]
Bobby! Bobby, where are you?! Come on out, you can't hide forever!
Peter[Enters the room, while Greg is looking under the bunk bed] Hey Greg, what are you doing down here?
[Emerges] Looking for Bobby, I'm gonna clobber him!
PeterWhat... [Laughs] Hey, do you know your hair is orange? [Greg fumes] What happened?
Bobby's hair tonic!
PeterYou sure could be a stand-out student at graduation! [Laughs]
Very funny. [Leaves the room, goes to the girls' room] Has either of you seen Bobby?
Greg! What happened to your hair?
Bobby's hair tonic!
Bobby's hair tonic? You mean you actually bought some of that junk?
Only because I felt kinda sorry for him. But now I really feel sorry for him, 'cause he's about to have a fatal accident!
[The girls laugh]
[Pretends to offer Greg her orange sweater] Greg, do you want to borrow this for your graduation? It will match your hair!
Now wait a minute, you two, let's not have any bloodshed!
Yeah, especially my blood! [Greg attempts to lunge at him, Carol tries to keep him apart]
Greg, stop it!
Well, what am I gonna do about my hair?!
Well, I don't know, leave your brother alone, we'll try to figure something out! [Turns to Bobby] I knew something like this was gonna happen, Bobby!
Well, why didn't you tell me?!
Well, here, let me see the bottle. [Takes the bottle] There's an address here! Now look, why don't we call the Neat & Natural Hair Tonic company, maybe this happened to some of their other customers.
Good thinking, mom!
Yeah, good thinking. Look, I'll try information.
I'm really sorry, I mean, I didn't know something like this was gonna happen!
Yeah, I guess you couldn't know.
Of course, it could have been worse!
I'd like to know how!
It could have turned green!
Thanks, you're real company!
[on the phone] I see. Yeah. Thank you, operator. [Hangs up phone] Well, the Neat & Natural Company had it's phone disconnected. Oh, Bobby, I knew it was gonna be some sort of shady outfit!
I was really a jerk to fall for the ad in the magazine.
What am I gonna do about tomorrow, mom? It's graduation!
Well, Greg, have you tried to wash that stuff out of your hair?
No, I've been too busy looking for this... dumbhead! For your sake, it better work! [Leaves]
Oh, Bobby. Better say your prayers.
[In the attic, Greg tries washing his hair]
It didn't work. I washed it five times and it didn't work.
PeterWell, at least you've got squeaky clean hair. I bet it grows out in 6-8 months.
Fantastic. Now what do I do in the meantime?
PeterWell, you could shave your head and pretend you're a bowling ball. [Leaves, to Carol] He looks like Lucille Ball!
It didn't wash out, huh honey?
If anything, it got brighter orange.
Well look, I called the Better Business Bureau about that Neat and Natural Hair Tonic Company.
What did they say?
The FDA closed them down.
Oh well, now's a great time to find out.
Well, there is one consolation. I mean, outside of the color, it's not gonna hurt your hair or your scalp.
Well, what about graduation? I can't go out in public like this!
Well, I do have a solution. It might be a little embarrassing, but I think it'll work.
Mother, I couldn't possibly get any more embarrassed than I already am.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Brady Bunch pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
