A character in The Brady Bunch
Played by Florence Henderson
The Brady Bunch · 120 quotes
Tied for 2nd most-quoted character in The Brady Bunch: in 38 of its 120 quotes
Most scenes with: Mike Brady (23), Cindy Brady (11), Greg Brady (11)
It's not your fault, Alice. [glares at the kids] Was it, kids?
CarolLike I just said, "If you take a joke too far, someone could get hurt".
[Mike and Carol --with sad expressions-- look at the broken remains of the bust.]
Gosh, it won a prize, too.
[Carol picks up the third place ribbon.]
CarolWell...! [sighs] So much for third place!
All right, all right! That's it! Everybody upstairs! And no allowance for two weeks! And that goes for all of you!
[Jan prepares to leave for the library, Marcia stops her]
Hey, just a minute, you!
What? [Marcia yanks her sweater back] What do you think you're doing?
That's my sweater!
So what? I always borrow your sweater!
Well, not any more. You no longer have a sister named Marcia, and if there's no Marcia, there's no Marcia's sweater.
CarolOkay, kids, okay.
Mom, we made a deal, remember?
CarolYes, I remember.
And I'm sticking to it.
CarolJan, do you want to stick to it?
Yes!
Fine. I'll just take my invisible sweater and [snaps fingers] vanish. [leaves]
That's not fair!
CarolI'm afraid it is, honey, you can't have it both ways. So long. [Jan leaves]
[Cindy is explaining her predicament to Carol]
And he wrote down the names, even mine!
CarolBut that's his job, sweetheart.
Yes, but I'm his very own sister!
CarolWell, that doesn't give you any special privileges. The same rules apply to you that apply to anyone else.
[angrily] I don't see why they should.
CarolLet me see... I'll try to explain it to you this way. Let's say that Bobby was a policeman, and I drove through a red light. Accidentally, of course. Well, I would expect him to give me a ticket.
Your own son?
CarolAbsolutely.
Boy, if I ever had a son who was a policeman and he gave me a ticket, I'd give him a spanking!
[Bobby comes in, Cindy leaves angrily]
I guess she was complaining about me.
CarolYou guessed right.
And I guess you took her side.
CarolYou guessed wrong.
You didn't?
CarolNo. Well, Cindy didn't like it, but you were just doing your duty.
[Bobby leaves]
CarolI wonder if he really would give me a ticket.
[At the grocery store.]
[to Carol] Greg borrowed George's car. And he bought tickets (from the stadium) so he could see some rock concert.
[The scene cuts from Carol at the store to her in Mike's den. After Jenny told Carol that Greg borrowed George's car to buy tickets from the stadium, she reports this to Mike when she gets home. Now the viewers see Carol back home in Mike's den after the incident.]
Carol[to Mike] Jenny says he borrowed George's car. Now if he didn't, why would she say it?
Oh honey, I cannot believe Greg would deliberately disobey us!
And I found...!
[She looks in the washing machine, finds the second earring, and finds it broken.]
...well, what was left of the other one.
CarolOh no!
At least the mystery is solved.
Well, Carol? You are just going to have to go without them. Come on, honey, we better get going.
Mom, I promise I’ll never take anything again (that doesn't belong to me) when I’m not supposed to.
CarolAll right, Cindy. But you and I are going to have a very long talk about this tomorrow.
[True to what Carol tells Cindy, Cindy is off the hook for one night. But in the morning, she --Cindy-- is going to have a long talk about this with Carol. That is, and Carol lets Cindy know she --Cindy-- is in some serious trouble.]
[Mike and Carol are trying to plan a dinner party, and arrive home with groceries]
Well, six shopping carts full. I think that's a new record.
CarolYeah, but you got to admit, the smorgasbord is a pretty good idea. We have got enough food to feed all our friends, their relatives, their houseguests, plus any last minute drop-ins.
Even the drop-ins can bring their drop-ins.
[Walks in] Looks like you've got plenty of smorgas for the bord.
There's still more smorgas in the car.
CarolHey Alice, were there any calls while we were out?
Just one, the school called to give you the date of Cindy's television show.
CarolOh good.
When is it?
I'll give you a hint: we're going to be eating this stuff a long long time.
CarolAlice, you don't mean.
I do mean.
No, no, no, no, no.
Yes, yes, yes.
CarolNo, naturally, the 10th. The night of our party.
I'll get the rest of the stuff out of the car. [leaves]
You know, I don't believe it. First, we're gonna invite a couple of friends over, barbecue steaks, then we change to a Mexican dinner so we can invite more people, so I cancel the steaks, I run all over town in search of authentic Mexican food. But then, we switch to a smorgasbord, so we can have friends and friends of friends and uncles and relatives and assorted drop-ins. But now, I have got enough Mexican food to feed every guitar player in Guadalajara, and I corner the market on herring. And now, I find out that we are having a party for 26 people on the 10th, and the only people who aren't gonna be here are us.
Carol[Applauds] That was a wonderful soliloquy, Hamlet. Are you finished?
Yes.
CarolUh, maybe you better go help Alice get the rest of the things out of the car. [Mike leaves] Poor dear.
[Bobby doesn't want to be with Peter, whom he's at odds with]
Wanna play a game or something, Alice?
Oh, gee, I'm sorry, Bobby, not tonight. I gotta go to bed early, I didn't sleep very well last night.
Why not?
Well, I stayed up half the night, watching one of those TV horror movies, "The Demon That Devoured Detroit", gave both of us heartburn. [leaves, Greg comes in]
Wanna watch some TV with me, Greg?
Sorry, I got a date. I'll see you later.
[Bobby walks into the living room, seeing his sisters leaving]
Hey, where are you going?
We're gonna spend the night at my friend Helen's house.
How come?
That wallpaper post made our room smell too icky.
Have fun. [the girls leave]
Yeah. Whoopee.
[Mike and Carol are leaving]
Good night, son.
CarolDon't stay up past your bedtime.
I might as well go to sleep right now; there's nobody around here to do anything with.
CarolOh, now, Bobby, Peter's home.
That's the same thing as being alone.
CarolNow wait a minute, you two, let's not have any bloodshed!
Yeah, especially my blood! [Greg attempts to lunge at him, Carol tries to keep him apart]
CarolGreg, stop it!
Well, what am I gonna do about my hair?!
CarolWell, I don't know, leave your brother alone, we'll try to figure something out! [Turns to Bobby] I knew something like this was gonna happen, Bobby!
Well, why didn't you tell me?!
CarolWell, here, let me see the bottle. [Takes the bottle] There's an address here! Now look, why don't we call the Neat & Natural Hair Tonic company, maybe this happened to some of their other customers.
Good thinking, mom!
CarolYeah, good thinking. Look, I'll try information.
I'm really sorry, I mean, I didn't know something like this was gonna happen!
Yeah, I guess you couldn't know.
Of course, it could have been worse!
I'd like to know how!
It could have turned green!
Thanks, you're real company!
Carol[on the phone] I see. Yeah. Thank you, operator. [Hangs up phone] Well, the Neat & Natural Company had it's phone disconnected. Oh, Bobby, I knew it was gonna be some sort of shady outfit!
I was really a jerk to fall for the ad in the magazine.
What am I gonna do about tomorrow, mom? It's graduation!
CarolWell, Greg, have you tried to wash that stuff out of your hair?
No, I've been too busy looking for this... dumbhead! For your sake, it better work! [Leaves]
CarolOh, Bobby. Better say your prayers.
[In the attic, Greg tries washing his hair]
It didn't work. I washed it five times and it didn't work.
Well, at least you've got squeaky clean hair. I bet it grows out in 6-8 months.
Fantastic. Now what do I do in the meantime?
Well, you could shave your head and pretend you're a bowling ball. [Leaves, to Carol] He looks like Lucille Ball!
CarolIt didn't wash out, huh honey?
If anything, it got brighter orange.
CarolWell look, I called the Better Business Bureau about that Neat and Natural Hair Tonic Company.
What did they say?
CarolThe FDA closed them down.
Oh well, now's a great time to find out.
CarolWell, there is one consolation. I mean, outside of the color, it's not gonna hurt your hair or your scalp.
Well, what about graduation? I can't go out in public like this!
CarolWell, I do have a solution. It might be a little embarrassing, but I think it'll work.
Mother, I couldn't possibly get any more embarrassed than I already am.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Brady Bunch pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
