What am I supposed to do, pretend I believe something I don't whenever I'm with Penny?
Hey I'm sure Penny fakes all kinds of things when she's with you.
Do me a favor: lean over and put your head right here [in front of a laser he'd been using to fry action figures].
Let me show you another way to look at this. [Draws a large box on a dry-erase board] Here we have the universe of all women. [Draws one large circle inside the box] These are the ones you want to sleep with. [Draws an equal-size circle slightly intersecting the first] These are the women who believe exactly what you believe. [Draws a very small circle at bottom of the intersection] These are the women who would be willing to sleep with you. Right there at the little triple intersection is your ideal mate. Odds are she's a short physicist with low self-esteem who lives in a government research facility in China.
What's your point? In order to keep having a sexual relationship with Penny, I have to give up everything I believe in, my intellectual integrity, the very nature of who I am? I can't do that, Howard.
I respect that. [takes Leonard's hand and dots his palm with the marker]
Your new girlfriend. Have fun tonight.
Okay, let's check out the females.
Alright, there's a female.
That's Professor Wilkinson's wife, she's like 80 years old!
But she's female, isn't that the game?
No, I'm looking for a hookup.
Oh. So the point of this exercise is to find someone for you to copulate with.
Raj Not so loud, but ideally yes.
And what is my function as wingman?
Alright, and what is your game?
When I lie through my teeth to a woman, you nod and agree.
[Abby walks by and notices Sheldon's lantern]
AAbby
Hey that's pretty cool, what is it?
It's a limited edition Green Lantern lantern. My friend is looking for someone to copulate with.
AAbby
[laughs] You're very funny, I'm Abby.
How do you do? Rajesh Ramayan Koothrappali. Call me Raj.
AAbby
Hey Raj, where are you from?
The mysterious, sub-continent of India.
AAbby
I saw Slumdog Millionaire.
Well I'm a slumdog astrophysicist.
I thought your father was a gynecologist? [Raj looks at him] Sorry. [Smiles and nods]
AAbby
Hey Martha, come over here. Meet Sheldon and Raj.
MMartha
Is that the limited edition Green Lantern lantern?
In brightest day, in darkest night, no evil shall escape my sight. [Holds up his ring to the lantern and it lights up.]
MMartha
Oh, that is so awesome.
Thank you. [To Raj] Have you chosen one to copulate with?
[Howard enters Leonard's laboratory to mock him for his unsuccessful date the previous evening]
[handing him a pair of glasses] Laser.
Had a great night last night. I don't like to kiss and tell, but... [puts glasses on] somebody made it to eighth base!
Seventh base with shirt off. Well... My shirt. How'd things go with Penny?
[sarcastically] Oh, yes... Couldn't be better.
[He fires up the laser, igniting a Cylon action figure in its path and startling Howard]
Are we taking our relationship frustrations out on innocent Cylons?
[extinguishing the fire] It's not just Cylons. Superman's next.
Alright. I was gonna try to squeeze in a little more mocking before lunch, but I can come back later, when you don't have a high-power weapon.
How can I go out with a woman who believes in psychics?
Hey, I once dated a girl who believed she was abducted by aliens.
And that didn't bother you?
Au contraire. It meant she was gullible and open to a little probing.
What am I supposed to do, pretend I believe something I don't whenever I'm with Penny?
Hey I'm sure Penny fakes all kinds of things when she's with you.
Do me a favor. [points to the area in front of the laser] lean over and put your head right here.
Let me show you another way to look at this. [Draws a large box on a dry-erase board] Here we have the universe of all women. [Draws one large circle inside the box] These are the ones you want to sleep with. [Draws an equal-size circle slightly intersecting the first] These are the women who believe exactly what you believe. [Draws a very small circle at bottom of the intersection] These are the women who would be willing to sleep with you. Right there at the little triple intersection is your ideal mate. Odds are she's a short physicist with low self-esteem who lives in a government research facility in China.
What's your point? In order to keep having a sexual relationship with Penny, I have to give up everything I believe in, my intellectual integrity, the very nature of who I am? I can't do that, Howard.
I respect that. [takes Leonard's hand and dots his palm with the marker]
Your new girlfriend. Have fun tonight.
