TV show quotes
Hello, boys. I'm your new neighbor.
Hi, neighbor!
[giggles] Howdy, neighbor!
Hello, neighbor.
Boys, I've got a problem. I work nights. [the Chipmunks tisk] That means I've got to sleep all day.
He sleeps all day.
Unless I'm disturbed. And then I get very UNHAPPY! Don't make me unhappy, boys. Bye.
As I was saying, boys, one more "pweep", and I'm going to get very violent.
[after being woken up by Dave] When I'm sleeping, I can't stand "pweeps". So, remember, neighbor. No more "pweeps".
[He pulls Dave's finger, and snaps it back, causing the pitch pipe to get stuck in Dave's mouth. No sooner does the neighbor storm out of the door, Dave sighs exasperatedly, causing the sound of the pitch pipe to come out of his mouth. The neighbor races back into the house.]
I said... no noise... [violently beats Dave]
[Dave is calling Alvin inside to rehearse, while he's trying to rest in a hammock.]
[annoyed] "Alvin, Alvin." I know what he wants. Work. [spins in the hammock, falls out, and hits the ground] Work, work, work. [walks up to the house] Rehearse in the morning, rehearse in the afternoon, rehearse at night... [enters the house]
Come on, come on! Let's go, we've got work to do!
Is there no end to it?
All right, Alvin, I think that's about enough.
Rehearse, rehearse, rehearse! [angrily plays the harmonica]
I said, that's enough, Alvin!
Stop trying to shirk, work, work, work! Blah, blah, blah!
Now, cut that out! Alvin, can't I make you understand that we're a team, and to work as a team, we've got to rehearse as a team? It's teamwork, Alvin, teamwork!
Teamwork! Teamwork! Teamwork?!
All right, Alvin, I think you'd better go up to your room and think about what I said.
Okay! I can't. We got a baseball game this afternoon.
No baseball.
But I've gotta pitch!
No pitch, and no football, basketball, volleyball, marbles, tiddlywinks, nothing. Absolutely nothing! Now go to your room!
Alvin, Alvin, Alvin. Aren't you forgetting something, Alvin?
What?
Just what do you think is going to happen to Dave and the boys without your talent to help them?
I don't care.
But don't you realize? They'll hit rock bottom!
So?
Alvin, I just can't believe that you would let Dave and the boys... [a vision shows Dave, Theodore, and Simon homeless and out in the streets on a cold winter] stand out on some dark, lonely street corner in the freezing snow.
[Dave gasps and faints.]
Dave! Dave! What is it?!
[weakly] It's... It's hunger, boys. Hunger. I think I'm beginning to go.
What'll we do, Dave?
We don't have any money.
No food.
Yeah! No food!
Dave, we've just gotta do something before you... Before you...
Why don't we ask Alvin for help, Simon?
No... No, you can't do that. You can't expect a star like him to care what happens to three bums like us. Oh, Alvin, why did you ever leave us?
I'm going off and find some gold.
[rummaging around in the tent] Never mind the gold, Alvin, just go off and find some water.
Alvin, go find the water! Why can't Simon find water? Why can't Theodore find the water? Always Alvin! Alvin this, Alvin that, Alvin, Alvin, Alvin, Alvin!
[A geyser of water erupts from underneath the tent, sending Dave flying.]
ALVIN! SHUT IT OFF! SHUT IT OFF!
[The geyser of water disappears, and Dave falls to the ground.]
Alvin, why do you always overdo things?!
There's so many things to see and enjoy, boys. Nature's children are all around us. [Alvin leaves without Dave noticing] And if we don't alarm them, they'll be our friends. [the bear snatches Alvin's hat] And if we're kind to them, they'll be kind to us. They can teach us many lessons. [the bear wears Alvin's cap] Can you name one, Alvin? Alvin? [Simon and Theodore see the bear coming and run away] Alvin? [the bear comes up to Dave; he gasps] ALVIN!! [runs away] THE BEAR ATE ALVIN! [the startled bear runs away] HELP! EVERYBODY! CALL THE POLICE! SAVE MY ALVIN! [a police officer stands nearby] Somebody save my Alvin!
[holds his hand up] Hold it. [Dave, Simon, and Theodore skid to a halt] What's all the panic, mister?
Alvin! A bear ate Alvin!
Oh, calm down, calm down, these park bears wouldn't eat Alvin. Who's Alvin?
[cries on the officer's shoulder] Alvin is the cutest, the sweetest, the greatest...
Hey, Dave?
And I tell you, a bear DID eat Alvin, and...
Dave?! Dave!
You shouldn't get hysterical in front of the kids, mister.
[outraged] I demand justice, sir! GET THAT BEAR--!
[both at the same time] Alvin's digging gold!
[surprised] What? Simon, Theodore, what did you say?
Alvin's digging gold, Dave.
Yeah! [giggles] He probably just lost his path.
[relieved] Oh, thank goodness. [angry] Why, that little--
Now that we've solved your problem, sir, if you will excuse me, I've got a problem of my own. I'm up here looking for a payroll bandit. Now if you'll keep an eye open for my bandit, I'll keep an eye open for your Alvin.
Yeah, well, swell, officer. Thanks a lot. [horrified] BANDIT?!
[mocking Sam Valiant] "Where the tumbleweeds l'amour toujours". How am I gonna get anything done with that crazy song-plugger around?
[Alvin finds a large snarling mask.]
Oh, boy! Hey, Dave, look what I found!
[Dave sees the mask, gasps in fear, and falls over.]
Hey, look what Alvin's got!
Yeah! [giggles]
Isn't this a keen Halloween mask?
That's not a Halloween mask. That's a primitive ceremonial mask.
Primitive mask?! Then there must be primitive people around! Careful, boys.
[Dave peers from behind the bushes, and sees a man cleaning out a long wooden tube.]
What is it, Dave?
[trembling] Don't get s... Don't get scared, fellas. We're in danger, but don't... p... panic. There's a native cleaning his b-b-blow gun. The kind that... sh-sh-sh... shoots... poisoned arrows.
Poisoned arrows?!
What's the big idea?
I wanna watch the show.
You're supposed to be on stage.
I don't want to.
If you're not up on that stage by the time I count three...
You ruined our careers. Get back on that stage!
[Theodore has taken food from the refrigerator to feed to Alexander in the basement.]
Who raided the refrigerator?! No milk, no eggs, no-- What happened to the leftover chicken?!
[Theodore shows up, holding a chicken leg, pretending to be sick.]
Dave, I don't feel so good.
Well, that explains everything. You can't have a dog, so you eat yourself sick! And when you eat yourself sick, what do you do? You take something bitter! Right, Theodore?
[eyes squeezed shut] Right, Dave. [takes spoonful of medicine, face showing disgust]
Tomorrow, we hit the road boys, so let's get a good night sleep!
I could sleep better if I had a dog guarding me.
Theodore! And Alvin, take off your cap!
Why do you always make Dave mad, Theodore?!
[hiding in a fireplace] Ready... set... [smoke appears and J. P. sniffs] Hey, what's that? Smells like something burning. [looks down] It is something burning! MMEEEE!!!
[J. P. jumps out of the fireplace and through the chimney. He falls through the sky, and lands in a birdbath.]
I must be losing my touch.
[after going over to the other side and picks up a sleeping J. P. Lester] Alvin, Alvin, speak to me Alvin.
[walking up behind Dave, with an extra blanket under his arm] What do you want me to say Dave?
[looking at Alvin] Don’t bother me now Alvin. [looks back at J. P., who's now waking up] Now Alvin- [looks at camera before looking at the awake Theodore and Simon, sitting in bed] If that's Theodore... and that’s Simon... [looks back at Alvin] And you're Alvin... [looks at the ghost, who's fully awake] then you... must... be a-a...
[calmly] Ghost?
[terrified] GHOST!
[In white blurs, Dave and the Chipmunks rush out of the house and leave]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Alvin Show pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
