A character in The Alvin Show
Theodore
The Alvin Show · 40 quotes
3rd most-quoted character in The Alvin Show: in 13 of its 40 quotes
Most scenes with: Dave (11), Alvin (11), Simon (9)
What'll we do?
TheodoreI don't know.
What do you wanna do?
[looking up] I don't know... wanna build somethin'?
[to Alvin] What?
[shrugs] I don’t know.
[shrugs] How about a bird house?
TheodoreHeheh yeah! Maybe we could get a bird to play with.
[to Theodore] Sure! A robin!
TheodoreA bluebird!
What's the matter with an eagle?
[talking quickly] Sam Valiant, Private Nose, at your service, check! The right nose in the right place at the right time! The Valiant nose strikes again and the case is solved! There's your culprit! [handcuffs Alvin]
Hey! I'm Alvin!
Sam Valiant does it again! Cough up the tape, boy, and let's be quick about it!
Stop, that's Alvin!
Definitely the criminal type, check. Low forehead, check, eyes too close together, sullen look, check.
That's Alvin! He's not the thief, he lives here!
Check.
Please remove those handcuffs.
[frees Alvin] You can't fool the nose, sir, check! [sniffs] Smells definitely like recording tape.
Mr. Valiant, this is a recording room.
Check.
It's full of tape.
Check.
Even I could smell of tape.
Check, confession is good for the soul, boy! Cooperate, and law will be lenient! Remember, anything you say may be held against you.
Listen, Sam, I wrote that tape!
Double incrimination! Wrote the tape and stole the tape! Charged on two counts!
Oh, no.
Leave Dave alone!
TheodoreYeah!
You've got a bum nose, mister!
That's a very unfortunate reference, boy! Never insult the nose! The eyes do not see what they think they blink, the ears are misleading, the feet go wrong, but the nose knows! The nose has heart, the nose has soul! Hail the noble nose!
Okay, Mr. Valiant, you have a splendid nose, now will you tell it to find my tape?!
Check.
TheodoreMr. Valiant!
Don't bother me, boy.
TheodoreI found the tape!
Forget it, boy! Clues, find clues, look for clues!
[surprised] The tape!
[They run over to Theodore.]
TheodoreGeorge built a nest!
Bird on the tape, tape in the hat, the nose comes through, and the case is closed. [takes the tape in the hat] Here's your tape, check, and here's my bill, check, send me a check, check, never underestimate the power of the nose, check! [cluelessly puts the hat with the tape over his head; Dave reads the bill, which totals up to $125] The nose knows all, sees all, and hears all, check!
[Sam Valiant leaves with the hat and the tape over his head.]
He's got your tape, Dave!
TheodoreAnd George's nest! Call him back, Dave!
[Dave looks around the room, which is totally wrecked from Valiant's search.]
No, I couldn't stand it! I'll re-tape the check-- Tape, check! Check the tape-- Ohhh!
Well, hi, Simon.
Hi.
Theodore.
Theodore[giggles] Hi!
Alvin, I see you've got here early, and you're rehearsing the band. That's very good. You know I would-- What's that great, big, expensive orchestra waiting for over there? Oh, boy! I'm sure glad they don't belong to... Alvin? Alvin. Say something, Alvin!
Everybody ready? Violins, saxophones, trumpets?
You mean you hired all those musicians?
You bet I did!
You know how much a 50-piece orchestra costs?!
Ready, boys? [taps his baton]
Wait a minute, you don't need a 50-piece orchestra to play for three chipmunks--! [the orchestra starts playing loudly]
[The Chipmunks are watching TV, when Dave comes over and shuts it off.]
Hey, Dave! What's the idea?!
I'll tell you what's the idea. The idea is no more TV until you get that ostrich off the car!
But she's hatching it!
Alvin, that ostrich couldn't hatch anything out of that car if she sat on it for a thousand years! Either you get that bird off that car, or no more TV!
You mean, I can't watch me?!
No, not for a year!
But, Dave!
Make that two years!
TheodoreNo TV for two years?! Wowee!
Hello, boys. I'm your new neighbor.
Hi, neighbor!
Theodore[giggles] Howdy, neighbor!
Hello, neighbor.
Boys, I've got a problem. I work nights. [the Chipmunks tisk] That means I've got to sleep all day.
He sleeps all day.
Unless I'm disturbed. And then I get very UNHAPPY! Don't make me unhappy, boys. Bye.
Alvin, Alvin, Alvin. Aren't you forgetting something, Alvin?
What?
Just what do you think is going to happen to Dave and the boys without your talent to help them?
I don't care.
But don't you realize? They'll hit rock bottom!
So?
Alvin, I just can't believe that you would let Dave and the boys... [a vision shows Dave, Theodore, and Simon homeless and out in the streets on a cold winter] stand out on some dark, lonely street corner in the freezing snow.
[Dave gasps and faints.]
Dave! Dave! What is it?!
[weakly] It's... It's hunger, boys. Hunger. I think I'm beginning to go.
What'll we do, Dave?
TheodoreWe don't have any money.
No food.
TheodoreYeah! No food!
Dave, we've just gotta do something before you... Before you...
TheodoreWhy don't we ask Alvin for help, Simon?
No... No, you can't do that. You can't expect a star like him to care what happens to three bums like us. Oh, Alvin, why did you ever leave us?
There's so many things to see and enjoy, boys. Nature's children are all around us. [Alvin leaves without Dave noticing] And if we don't alarm them, they'll be our friends. [the bear snatches Alvin's hat] And if we're kind to them, they'll be kind to us. They can teach us many lessons. [the bear wears Alvin's cap] Can you name one, Alvin? Alvin? [Simon and Theodore see the bear coming and run away] Alvin? [the bear comes up to Dave; he gasps] ALVIN!! [runs away] THE BEAR ATE ALVIN! [the startled bear runs away] HELP! EVERYBODY! CALL THE POLICE! SAVE MY ALVIN! [a police officer stands nearby] Somebody save my Alvin!
[holds his hand up] Hold it. [Dave, Simon, and Theodore skid to a halt] What's all the panic, mister?
Alvin! A bear ate Alvin!
Oh, calm down, calm down, these park bears wouldn't eat Alvin. Who's Alvin?
[cries on the officer's shoulder] Alvin is the cutest, the sweetest, the greatest...
Hey, Dave?
And I tell you, a bear DID eat Alvin, and...
TheodoreDave?! Dave!
You shouldn't get hysterical in front of the kids, mister.
[outraged] I demand justice, sir! GET THAT BEAR--!
[both at the same time] Alvin's digging gold!
[surprised] What? Simon, Theodore, what did you say?
Alvin's digging gold, Dave.
TheodoreYeah! [giggles] He probably just lost his path.
[relieved] Oh, thank goodness. [angry] Why, that little--
Now that we've solved your problem, sir, if you will excuse me, I've got a problem of my own. I'm up here looking for a payroll bandit. Now if you'll keep an eye open for my bandit, I'll keep an eye open for your Alvin.
Yeah, well, swell, officer. Thanks a lot. [horrified] BANDIT?!
[Alvin finds a large snarling mask.]
Oh, boy! Hey, Dave, look what I found!
[Dave sees the mask, gasps in fear, and falls over.]
Hey, look what Alvin's got!
TheodoreYeah! [giggles]
Isn't this a keen Halloween mask?
That's not a Halloween mask. That's a primitive ceremonial mask.
Primitive mask?! Then there must be primitive people around! Careful, boys.
[Dave peers from behind the bushes, and sees a man cleaning out a long wooden tube.]
What is it, Dave?
[trembling] Don't get s... Don't get scared, fellas. We're in danger, but don't... p... panic. There's a native cleaning his b-b-blow gun. The kind that... sh-sh-sh... shoots... poisoned arrows.
Poisoned arrows?!
[Theodore has taken food from the refrigerator to feed to Alexander in the basement.]
Who raided the refrigerator?! No milk, no eggs, no-- What happened to the leftover chicken?!
[Theodore shows up, holding a chicken leg, pretending to be sick.]
TheodoreDave, I don't feel so good.
Well, that explains everything. You can't have a dog, so you eat yourself sick! And when you eat yourself sick, what do you do? You take something bitter! Right, Theodore?
Theodore[eyes squeezed shut] Right, Dave. [takes spoonful of medicine, face showing disgust]
Tomorrow, we hit the road boys, so let's get a good night sleep!
TheodoreI could sleep better if I had a dog guarding me.
Theodore! And Alvin, take off your cap!
Why do you always make Dave mad, Theodore?!
Oh, those kids. How can they get this yard so messed up in such a short time? Theodore! Simon! Alvin!
Yes, Dave?
TheodoreYes, Dave?
[Alvin tiredly walks up to Dave, Simon, and Theodore.]
Yeah?
All right, now, just look at this yard! [Alvin tries to sleepwalk away]
Uh-huh.
Alvin! Come back here! [Alvin complies] Now, look. This yard is a disgrace and a mess. I want you to pick up your toys, put away your bike, get rid of those boxes, put up the ping pong paddles, clean up trash, in other words, clean up this yard!
Aw, Dave! That sounds like a lotta work!
Work never hurt anybody. Anyway, it can be fun if you hum, or sing, or even whistle while you work.
[Dave has come home, depressed.]
Well, I guess this is it. None of the disc jockeys will play our records anymore.
Huh?
They say they want something new. A new sound. They say our records don't have the "Top 40" sound. They just don't want singing chipmunks anymore.
But that's a team record! It would be a big hit! And--
They wouldn't even listen to it. I guess we're through as recording artists. We're washed up. Finished!
TheodoreAbout our allowance, Dave, we want to know if we can have more--[Alvin and Simon cover his mouth]
[reads the newspaper; sighs] We'd better start looking for another job. Let's see. "Help wanted. Aerodynamics engineer. Astronuclear scientist..."
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Alvin Show pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
