Raph quotes from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2012)

[acting] Here I am, walking around in the big city, all alone! Oh, I sure hope no crazy pigeon man sneaks up on me! That would be the last thing I'd want!

What are you doing?

You wanted me to be bait, I'm bait!

That's not how bait talks!

How do you know how bait talks?

I know bait doesn't talk back!

LRLeo, Raph and Mikey

Oooooooh!

Oh, no, you didn't!

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Splinter

You were all very lucky.

Raph

I think we define that word differently, Sensei.

He was just so fast.

It was like he was everywhere at once.

You were right about us being overconfident, Sensei. There's just some things we're not ready for.

Splinter

Perhaps, but that no longer matters. It is clear now that the Shredder is a problem that will not go away. So prepare yourselves, my sons, because as of this moment... we are at war.

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Splinter

No training today... [the Turtles cheer] unless Michelangelo throws that balloon.

[Raph, Donnie and Leo turn to see Mikey about to throw a water balloon. He laughs nervously.]

Raph

You are so gonna get it!

[Mikey's brothers tackle him to the ground, making him scream in agony]

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Leonardo

Look, guys, Raph and I may be better fighters, but you´re still an important part of this team.

Donatello

[annoyed] As important as you two?

[Leo and Raph look at each other.]

Humm... Very important. We shouldn't compare ourselves. It's like apples and oranges.

Raphael

[Muttering] Yeah, if apples were way better, which they are.

Don

So, the truth comes out.

Michelangelo

You guys think of us as some kind of... B Team!

Raph

Good one, Dr. Namenstein. We'll call you "The B Team"!

Thanks. I mean, hey!

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Leonardo

We are not taking that monster home with us!

Michelangelo

He's not a monster! He's a giant, Kraang-crushing, mutant alligator monster! [realizes what he just said] I just said "monster", didn't I?

RDRaphael, Donatello and Leonardo

Yeah.

Well, you know what I meant!

Raph

I thought you meant "monster".

Donatello

Yeah.

Mm-hm.

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Hey, guys! Leatherhead is totally off the chain.

Raph

You mean you set him free?!

No, off the chain means he's cool. [his brothers sigh in relief] And that's why I set him free. [his brothers gasp]

[Leatherhead sits and smiles innocently as he holds the pot of soup]

You let that maniac loose?! Maybe you forgot that he grabbed me by the face. So I'll remind you: he grabbed me... BY THE FACE!!!

Raph

Relax. You've been hurt worse since.

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Mikey, poke him.

No way! I'm not poking him! You poke him!

OK, we'll put it to a vote.

RDRaph, Donnie and Leo

Mikey!

I want a re-count!

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Raph

And the award for worst leader goes to-

How am I the worst leader?

Raph

If we did this my way, Snakeweed would be toast by now!

Ugh, that'd be some nasty toast.

This way would've worked if you hadn't wasted time second-guessing my orders!

Raph

Don't give bad orders, and I won't second-guess 'em!

You know what, Raph? If you think you could do better, why don't you lead?

Raph

First good idea you've had all day!

[Both growl at each other. Mikey cuts in.]

We'll compromise. I'll lead.

[Raph and Leo give him death glares. Mikey smiles sheepishy and steps away.]

Fine, Raph, the team's yours. I'm out of here. [walks away]

I can't believe he's gone.

Aw, don't worry, Mikey. Leo... just needs some space. [Mikey gives him an annoyed look] You meant the pizza guy, didn't you?

Yeah.

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So...

Don

We're thinking somebody should start talking!

I should have told you about Karai sooner, but I really thought there was a chance she would be good. And I guess I... sort of liked her. Go ahead, laugh.

Dude, I can't believe you trusted her.

I can't believe you didn't trust us enough to tell us.

I was wrong, I'm really sorry.

I tried to warn him.

Raph

You too, huh?

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You okay?

Uh, sure. [groans] You can survive with just one kidney, right?

Raph

Great, first this doofus gets in the way of a good Purple Dragon stomping, and now he knows where our lair is.

Oh, no problem. I blacked out most of the way here.

How do you even know we exist?

Oh, I saw you months ago. [to Leo] You were like, "Let's finish this!" [to Raph] Oh, and you were like, all, "You're going down!" [to Mikey] And then you were, like, all, "Bees!" [to Donnie] Oh, and you were like... you were like the strong, silent type.

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[notices some Kraang tech] Hey, what's this? [picks up the Kraang tech, Donnie snatches it back] That looks like the stuff those guys were stealing.

That's impossible. It's Kraang tech.

[puzzled] What- what's a "Kraang"?

Raph

If we told you, we'd have to kill you. [pauses] You see, the Kraang are aliens from another dimension. [Leo elbows him to stop]

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[Raph, Leo and Mikey try to push the Shellraiser]

Raph

Are you sure the parking brake's not on?