Mikey quotes from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2012)

Mikey

Bros, brace for grossness!

Mikey

[stomping mushrooms] Check it out! Super Mikey Brothers!

Mikey

Wait a minute. How do we know it's the real Raph? What's the secret password?

Mikey

Close enough.

Mikey

You turned my brother into a plant? You turned him into a plant!!! Let me go, Creep, I’ll bash the mutagen straight out of you!

Splinter

You were not fully prepared for what was up there. I trained you to fight as individuals, not as a team. And as your teacher, your father, the responsibility for that is mine. Perhaps in another year we can try again.

Donnie

A another year!? Has everybody forgotten that people were kidnapped!? They don't have a year! Sensei, we have to do something now! You weren't there, Sensei. You didn’t see the way that girl looked into my eyes. She was scared and she's counting on me- I mean us- to save her.

Splinter

Yes. You must save her.

Leo

I agree, Sensei, but in that fight we weren't actually a well-oiled machine.

Mikey

Like that robot with the brain thingy.

Raph

Give it a rest.

Whoa.

Leo

So that's the...

Donnie

...Mutagen that turned us all into what we are now.

Mikey

Let's drink some!

Raph

What!? Why would you do that!?

Mikey

'Cause if you mutate a mutant, you get a super mutant!

Donnie

Or a pile of goo on the sidewalk.

Raph

Either way, it's an improvement.

Leo

Guys, this is huge. Whoever kidnapped those people are somehow connected to what happened to us 15 years ago.

Raph

[to his pet turtle Spike] I know you're a little worried about me. Look, I'm not gonna lie to you. We've never gone into a fight like this, and I don't know what's gonna happen. But you don't have to worry. I will make it back. I love you, man.

Mikey

Awww. Are you talking to your pet turtle?

Raph

No! Shut up!

Mikey

That's adorable!

Raph

Oh, I'm gonna crush you! [chases Mikey with a wooden spoon] I'm gonna shellac you!

Splinter

[clearly not liking what he just heard] Not only did Raphael alert the Kraang, but you got caught... [glares at Raph] on video!

Raph

[defensively] Sensei, he was the angriest, nastiest guy you ever met!

Mikey

Except for you. [Raph slaps him] Ow!

Raph

You should've heard the insults this guy was throwing at us. They were so... insulting!

Splinter

[sarcastically; not buying this excuse] Oh, I did not realize he said mean things. Of course, you had no choice but to jeopardize your mission!

Mikey

[mockingly] Burn. [Raph grits his teeth]

Splinter

You are ninjas. You work in the shadows, in secret. This becomes difficult if there is proof of your existence in high definition!

Raph

[trying to talk his way out of it] Look, we know where this guy lives. All we need to do is find him and shake him until the tape pops out.

Donnie

Oh, there's no tape. Video phones use flash memory and-- [Raph growls like a bulldog in annoyance]

Splinter

Anger is self-destructive.

Raphael

[side commenting disrespectfully] I always thought it was... others-destructive.

Splinter

[sternly; fed up with Raph's attitude and disrespect] Raphael! Stand up.

Mikey

Somebody's in trouble~...

[after mutating] What did you do to me?! I'm hideous!

Leo

Don't worry, the four of us can handle him.

Donnie

Okay, this might be a bad time to point this out, but you sent one of the four of us home.

Mikey

And right now, I wish it was me!

This is your fault! I'm gonna rip your heads off!

Leo

All right, guys, prepare to dish out the mighty wrath of justice!

Donnie

Seriously, just yell "Get him!"

Donnie

What are you doing?

Leo

Whoa, hey!

Raph

Mikey, wait!

Mikey

What? I'm returning Mittens to her owner.

Raph

Are you an idiot? Wait, let me rephrase that. You're an idiot!

Donnie

You can't show yourself to a human.

Mikey

Why not?

Donnie

Because they'll freak the heck out, that's why not.

Mikey

No they won't. I'm not so scary.

Raph

You're an ugly, green mutant armed with ninja weapons.

Mikey

Look, this guy is gonna see that I'm just a regular cat-loving dude like him. The next thing you know, we'll be best buds! This is gonna be awesome! [jumps down, despite his brother's protests, to the owner of the cat's balcony]

Mikey

Hi! Here's your--

[screams in horror] Ugly, green mutant freak!

Mikey

But I got your cat!

Help! He's got my cat!

Splinter

[in disbelief] How many times have I told you not to skateboard in the lair?!

Michelangelo

[missing the point] None, Sensei.

Splinter

[annoyed] I shouldn't have to tell you!

Leo

(As they get up) You're right, Sensei. We definitely should have known better—

Leo

(Disappointed) —and we deserve to be punished. Eh, some.

Splinter

(Sternly gets up in Leo's face while stroking his thin beard) And what do you think would be a fitting punishment?

Leo

(Nervous, looking at his brothers, who whistle innocently) Well, uh, we… we should clean up our mess? [Splinter folds his arms] And then.... think about what we did.

(Muttering quickly together) Yeah. Sounds about right. We were wrong. Wouldn't want to do too much. No worries.

Splinter

(Testing them) What about being grounded for a week?

Leo

(Hesitant) Oh, I'm not sure that's-

Mikey

(Quickly trying to escape it) I'm cool with the thinking.

Donnie

(Anxious) Really, that's not necessary.

Raph

(Dismissive) Maybe next time.

Splinter

(Angry) YOU'RE GROUNDED FOR A WEEK!

Splinter

And where have you been?

Raph

Nowhere?

Splinter

How did you get so hurt?

Leo

Oh, that. Well, uh, we were...

Raph

Hit...

Donnie

By a...

Mikey

Bus?

Donnie

[whispers to Mikey] Hit by a bus?!

Mikey

Well, what was I supposed to say, meteor, cow, flying building?!

Mikey

Excuse me, Sensei, but ninjas never had to go up against guys in armor. [sees paintings, corrects himself] Oh, I mean ninjas always had to go up against guys in armor.

Raph

Nice save.

Leo

Sensei, what was their secret?

Splinter

They understood that you do not fight the armor, you fight the man inside.

Mikey

[Turtles stare at him who looks at them] Why are we all looking at each other?

Donnie

BOOYAKASHA!

Mikey

Sounds weird when he says it.

Raph

Sounds weird when YOU say it.

Mikey

Nice job, bro!

Leo

Way to go, Donnie.

Raph

Yeah, not bad, except for that part where you built the thing in the first place, and the part where it broke, and the part where it tried to kill us, and the part-

Donnie

[exasperated] Okay, I get it!