Donnie quotes from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2012)

Donnie

What the heck was that?

Raph

I was just having some fun. You know how much Mikey loves the Donnie puppet.

Donnie

Dude, April was watching.

Raph

I'm pretty sure she liked it... too. Wait. You still think you have a shot with her?

Donnie

Well... er, I mean-

Raph

Wow. That's adorable and sad. It's "sadorable". Look, if you wanna impress April, better leave me out of it.

Leo

What? There's a force field? [To Donnie] Why didn't you tell me?!

Donnie

[Sarcastically] Well, because I wanted us to fail. [Beat] OBVIOUSLY I DIDN'T KNOW!!!

Raph

Can this night get any worse?!

Leo

Guys, I think that mutant was Mr. O'Neil.

Mikey

How could you tell?

Leo

You see many giant, red-bearded, middle-aged bats running lately?

Donnie

(Leo's right, boys.) We gotta go after her!

Raph

But what about all that mutagen? We got canisters spread all over the city!

Leo

It's gonna have to wait, Raph. April's dad comes first.

Donnie

Track it with this. It's aligned with the radar dishes we placed throughout the city. It will create a triangulated pulse--

Raph

(pinching the bridge of his nose) English, Professor Brainioff.

Donnie

(slowly, annoyed) It will detect the Kraang spaceship.

Donnie

I can't think, I can't think! I'm seriously stressing here! Okay, think calm thoughts. Think calm thoughts.

Mikey

You think he's a vampire? Ya think he'll drink her blood and turn her into the undead?

Donnie

Are you TRYING TO FREAK ME OUT!?

Mikey

Time for Turflytle to take out his arch-nemesis, Wingnut!

Donnie

You are NOT giving Mr. O'Neil a monster name!

Splinter

This is all very grave news. Very grave, indeed.

Donnie

I can't believe this is happening. Poor April. (We accidentally turn her dad into a bat and almost mutated her.)

Splinter

Do not dwell on the past. (April will have to wait.) You must find every last canister of mutagen. You must search every street, every park and playground, every building and rooftop... before we have even more mutants on our hands.

Raph

What the heck is this nonsense? It's terrible!

Mikey

Terribly awesome! I found these old tapes in a dumpster.

Leo

Tapes?

Mikey

Check it out.

Leo

Dude, this is awful. And you guys complained about Space Heroes.

Raph

Their lips don't even match what they're saying! I could NEVER watch a show this bad!

Raph

So she's the princess of an entire planet? Cool!

Mikey

Yep, and she also pilots the robot's left leg. She rules! But that scientist dude made the robot.

Donnie

The story has such an intricate, layered plot. Four stars!

[On TV] P-p-princess, I'd like to invite you for space dinner, if you please. Yes?

What, I, date a weakling like you? [walks away] Not for 10,000 Zarkon crystals!

Mikey

Donnie, that is so you and April, dude!

Donnie

IT IS NOT! This show is lame, anyway. The plot makes zero sense! [heads into his lab] I'll be in the lab.

Mikey

[after a stealth attack from Leo] What was that?

Leo

THAT, was a stealth attack. [eats pizza] And that is what we're gonna be doing in today's training session.

Mikey

No fair! I couldn't see you coming!

Raph

That's why it's called 'stealth', genius.

Donnie

Why would you eat a slice of pizza you found on the roof anyway?

Mikey

Roof pizza is like one of my top ten favorite types of pizza.

Splinter

Today, I will teach you to enjoy falling down.

Donnie

Why would I ever- [gets tripped by Splinter] Whoa!

Splinter

Did you enjoy that?

Donnie

No!

Splinter

Then let's keep trying. [knocks Donnie down a couple more times] Do you like it yet?

Donnie

No, sensei! Not at all!

Splinter

Hmm. Then perhaps one cannot make someone like something.

Donnie

Of course not. No one wants to be... [realizes what Splinter means] Oh, I get it. You're talking about me and April.

Splinter

My son, for someone so intelligent, the obvious often eludes you.

Splinter

My son, I sense there is something you would like to tell us.

Mikey

What? No, not at all. Really, I didn't do anything. [gives in] Okay, okay! You got me! I kinda... I sprinkled a little... [pulls out a vial of mutagen] mutagen on my skin.

[shocked and furious] WHAT?! ARE YOU KIDDING?! WHY?!

Mikey

To become better! Cooler, you know? You guys treat me like a big goofball all the time! So I found this vial in Donnie's lab. The label says it'll make you super cool.

Donnie

[turns the vial around, showing that "cool" is actually "cooled"] No, it says you're supposed to keep it super cooled, as in TEMPERATURE!!! This was a reject-batch of retro-mutagen, Mikey! It's DANGEROUS!

Mikey

Well, you could've made it a little more clear! [Donnie turns the vial around to show many warning labels] Still not that clear.

Donnie

But now that I know what caused this, I think I can engineer an antidote from the remaining sample.

Mikey

[delighted] Yes, yes, yes! [hugs Donnie] I love you, man.

Splinter

Then you must start right away.

Donnie

I'm just missing one key instrument, though. A molecular centrifuge to mix the solution.

Mikey

No problem! Money is no object! [to Leo] Leo, can I borrow some cash?

Donnie

From what I could translate from the orb, it seems the Kraang are building some advanced heavy weaponry.

Leo

Any guess what it could be?

Mikey

[raises his hand] Ooh! Lasers disguised as burritos! Yes! It all makes sense now.

Raph

It DOES make sense... you have the brain of an AVOCADO!

Leo

Alright, guys, stay focused. We find the weapon and we destroy it, and then we get Mexican... pizza.

Mikey

Yo! You ready for 48 hours of mega-thrusting, evil-fighting, galaxy-saving super sentai action?

Donnie

I was until you spilled greasy POPCORN ALL OVER ME!

Mikey

[takes a popcorn from Donnie's face and eats it] My bad.

Donnie

This...doesn't seem possible.

April

What is it? What’s wrong?

Donnie

Based on all the evidence I’ve clued from the lab, your cellular makeup is actually a morph-genetic blend of human and Kraang DNA.

April

Wait. Are you saying...?

Donnie

You're not entirely human, April. That's why you have psychic powers. In fact, you are a half human, half alien-mutant.

A mutant!?

Mikey

Oh, yeah! Welcome to the family!