T.U.F.F. Puppy · Season 1
The grand opening of the new Petropolis Monotrail! And it never would've happened without me.
What did you do?
I blew up the old Petropolis Monotrail. Then I burned down the library, and robbed a hospital. That was a super fun weekend! [takes out sterile gauze] Sterile gauze, anyone?
Really? I never thought of that. I just like turning valves at 5:00. I like pulling levers at 6:00. It's a thing. Don't judge me.
He's your partner! Do something, Agent Katswell!
[recovering; acting as Kitty] Do what, Chief? Karate chop bad guys? [karate chops the ground] Act like I'm always right? Purr when the cute water delivery guy comes? [imitates Kitty's gestures]
[annoyed] I never do that!
What do we do now, Keswick?
[recovering; acting as Keswick] I can assure you there are a number of options, none of which your… [stutters] puny minds can grasp. [Keswick grins at Kitty, embarrassingly] Now if you'll excuse me, I'll get back to work on the Lady Keswick I've been building!
How do you know about that?! [hesitantly] I mean, I'm not… [stutters] building a Lady Keswick.
Oh, no! Now we'll never figure out what's going on with Snaptrap!
[recovers; acting as Snaptrap] It is I, Verminious Snaptrap!
[Kitty and Keswick groan]
Oh, brother.
And now, to make my daring escape! [runs to the elevator]
Guys, are you okay?! Speak to me! It's Dudley!
[all recovering, acting like Dudley; in unison] No, I'm Dudley!
Wait for me!
[as bugs fly into their noses; in unison] AH! BUG UP THE NOSE!
[as he and Dudley eat some of Kitty's cookies] Holy mackerel! This cookie has mackerel in it!
Yeah. I was out of flour, so I used seafood.
Behold, my new high tech mind reading device. It allows whoever… [stutters] wears it to hear the thoughts of anyone close by.
[Kitty takes the device and puts it on her head, listening to the Chief's thoughts]
[thinking] Okay, she's reading my mind. Don't think about how gross her cookies are. Don't think about how gross her cookies are.
[gasps in angered shock] I knew it! You hate my cookies!
Wow, Chief. Do you hate Christmas, too? Well, let's see what Mr. Critical thinks of me. [puts the device on his head]
[as Dudley picks his nose; thinking] Oh, man. Agent Puppy is a total slob!
[hurtfully] You think I'm a slob?!
Uh, look, dog food that makes its own gravy!
Whoa! Gravy!
[takes the device away] Grow up! Clearly you people lack the self esteem to… [stutters] wear this, though, that's not surprising. Recent psychological studies indicate that…
[thinking] Oh, man. Put a sock in it, Dr. Boring.
Well, that stings. Fortunately, I'm too… [stutters] mature to resort to name calling. Now if you'll excuse me, [starts tearing up in heartbreak] Dr. Boring is going to perform a heart transplant. 'CAUSE MINE'S BROKEN! [walks away, bawling, as Kitty and Dudley glare annoyingly at the Chief]
I have exciting news! Fleaple magazine just named me one of the ten most eligible hostages in Petropolis. It says here, I'm worth a billion dollars in ransom. Who wants to celebrate?
I'd comment, but Dr. Boring doesn't make house calls. [breaks down into tears] Cry, weep, sob!
You wouldn't want to celebrate with somebody who make gross cookies.
Or a slob like me! That cut like a knife.
[over his mind] Okay, I get it. You're still upset about the whole "mind reading" thing.
Sorry, Dr. Boring's not in right now, but please leave a message at the sound of the tone. [blows raspberry]
[offscreen] Why do we have a second basement?
[as his mother's wedding dress is blown away from his body] AHH! I'M NAKED! Nobody look! [Kitty sighs and hands over his black shirt] Okay, you can look now.
[shivering with his tail all frozen] This is Wolf Spitzer freezing my tail off at the Petropolis Dog Show. Tonight, the city's most perfect pooch will win the grand prize, their very own mailman. [pooch chases the turkey mailman]
What kind of self-absorbed doofus would enter a dog show?
[in the elevator as the doors open, spraying his flowing blonde hair with hairspray] Guess who's entering the dog show?
You gotta be kidding me.
I know, I'm gorgeous, right? Just got back from the groomer. Now all I have to do is keep this perfect look 'till tonight, and I'll be chasing my very own mailman! Am I hot, or what?
I'm hot, too.
Well, I wouldn't go that far, but you are looking better ever since you joined that tiny gym.
No, I mean, it's getting warm in here!
Get me a direct line to the Chameleon! I'd call him myself but I'm outta minutes. [flips his phone up seeing Chief and Ladybug at the gym] I've been chattin' up the ladies I met in my tiny spinning class.
I need a new sugar bowl for my princess pretty tea set. I mean, money for man things.
Here's your hall pass, which is also venomous.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's T.U.F.F. Puppy pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
