Castiel quotes from Supernatural

Castiel

Dean!

Dean

Cas?

Castiel

[speaking through the Impala's radio] Yeah, it's me.

Dean

[opens the door and gets in the Impala] You gotta stop poking around in my dreams; I need some me time.

Castiel

Listen to me very closely. This isn't a dream.

Dean

Then what is it?

Castiel

Deep down, you already know.

Dean

I'm dead.

Castiel

Condolences.

Castiel

[appearing behind Sam, his voice flat and slurring] I got your message. It was long, your message. I find the sound of your voice grating.

Sam

What's wrong with you? Are you... drunk?

Castiel

No! [brief pause] Yes.

Sam

What the hell happened to you?

Castiel

I found a liquor store.

Sam

And?

Castiel

And I drank it. Why'd you call me? [stumbles before Sam catches him]'

Sam

Whoa, there you go. Easy. Are you OK?

Castiel

[beckons Sam over before speaking into his ear] Don't ask stupid questions. Tell me what you need.

Sam

There have been these... these demon attacks. Massive, right on the edge of town. And we can't figure out why they're--

Castiel

Any sign of angels?

Sam

Sort of. They've been speaking to this prophet.

Castiel

Who?

Sam

This girl, Leah Gideon.

Castiel

She's not a prophet.

Sam

I'm pretty sure she is. Visions, headaches, the whole package.

Castiel

The names of all the prophets, they're seared into my brain. Leah Gideon is not one of them.

Sam

Then what is she?

Dean

Well, what is she exactly?

Castiel

The whore.

Dean

Wow, Cas, tell us what you really think...

Castiel

The Whore can only be killed by a true servant of Heaven.

Dean

Servant like...?

Castiel

Not you, or me. Sam of course is an abomination. We'll have to find someone else.

Castiel

[To Dean] You are not the burnt and broken shell of a man that I believed you to be.

Dean

Thank you... [says with a tiny bit of sarcasm]: I appreciate that..

Castiel

You're welcome.

Dean

So please tell us you have actual good news.

Bobby

Chicago is about to be wiped off the map. Storm of the millennium. Sets off a daisy chain of natural disasters. Three million people are gonna die.

Castiel

I don't understand your definition of good news.

Sam

Take care of these guys, okay?

Castiel

That's not possible.

Sam

[sighs] Then humor me.

Castiel

Oh. I was supposed to lie. [Chuckles] Uh...sure. They'll be fine...

Sam

Just--just stop... talking.

Castiel

Hey! Assbutt!

Dean

"Assbutt"?

Dean

We should call Cass.

Sam

You kidding, right?... Dean, I tried. It was the first and second and third thing I did as soon I got topside. Son of a bitch won't answer the phone!

Dean

Well, let's give it a shot. Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray to Castiel to get his feathery ass down here.

Sam

You're an idiot.

Dean

Stay positive.

Sam

Oh, I am positive.

Dean

C'mon, Cass. Don't be a dick. We got ourselves a... plague-like situation down here. Do you... Do you copy? [Nothing happens]

Sam

Like I said, the son of a bitch doesn't answer. [Castiel appears behind Sam, Dean sees him] He's right behind me, isn't he?

Castiel

Hello.

Sam

Hello?!

Castiel

Y-Yes.

Sam

[mimics Castiel's voice] "Hello." [Sam shakes his head] Hello?!

Castiel

Uhh... That is still the term?

Sam

I spent all that time trying to get through to you. Dean calls once and now it's [Mimics Castiel again] Hello.

Castiel

Yes.

Sam

So what you - you like him better or something?

Castiel

Dean and I do share a more profound bond. [Dean and Sam give him a look] I wasn't going to mention it.

Balthazar

Holy fire. You hairless ape! Release me!

Dean

First you're taking your marker off of Aaron Birch's soul.

Balthazar

Am I?

Dean

Sam!

Sam

Unless you like your wings extra crispy, I'd think about it.

Balthazar

Castiel, I stood for you in Heaven. Are you gonna let these two-

Castiel

I believe the hairless ape has the floor.

Castiel

Sam, what are you feeling now?

Sam

I feel like my nose is broken.

Castiel

No, that's a physical sensation. How do you feel?

Sam

I think--

Castiel

Feel?

Sam

I... don't know.

Sam

Wha-- Uh...

Castiel

This will be unpleasant. [He offers Sam the belt.] Bite down on this. If there's some place that you find soothing, you should go there. In your mind.

Dean

So is he even still Sam?

Castiel

Well, you pose an interesting philosophical question.

Castiel

This is very complex. If the pizza man truly loves this babysitter, why does he keep slapping her rear? Perhaps she's done something wrong?

Dean

You're watching porn? Why?

Castiel

It was there.

Dean

You don't watch porn in a room full of dudes. And you don't talk about it. Just turn it off! [Castiel looks down at his lap] Now he's got a boner.

This what you boys do, sit around watching pornos with angels?

Castiel

We're not supposed to talk about it.

Sam

Castiel, um...I'm back. So, if you got a minute...

Castiel

Sam. It's so good to see you alive.

Sam

Yeah. You too.

Sam

Um...Look, I-I would hug you, but—

Castiel

—it would be awkward.

Sam

Um...so crazy year, huh? I-I just talked to Bobby. He told me everything that happened.

Castiel

Frankly, I'm surprised that you survived. I was begging Dean not to do it.

Sam

Yeah. No, I-I-I can understand that.

Castiel

You know, it's a miracle it didn't kill you.

Sam

Yeah. Yeah, it's a miracle, all right.

Castiel

So, how does it feel?

Sam

What?

Castiel

Well, to have your soul back, of course.

Sam

Right. Y-you mean 'cause I was walking around with no soul. Uh... Really good, Cas. I'm real good. You know what? I'm—I'm just hazy on a few of the details, though. Um... You think maybe you could...walk me through?