Sam Winchester quotes from Supernatural

Death

[returning Sam's soul to him] Now Sam, I'm going to put up a barrier inside your mind.

Sam

Don't you touch me.

Death

It might feel a little itchy. Do me a favor... don't scratch the wall. Because trust me, you're not going to like what happens.

Dean

So, Sam...

Sam

Yeah?

Dean

What's the last thing you remember?

Sam

The field. And then I fell.

Dean

Okay. And then?

Sam

Um, I woke up in the panic room.

Bobby

That's it? You really don't remember—

Dean

Let's be glad. Who wants to remember all that hell?

Sam

Well, how long was I gone?

Dean

About a year and a half.

Sam

What? I was downstairs f— I don't remember anything. So, how'd I get back? Was it Cas?

Dean

Not exactly.

Dean

(while reading Penny's diary) I've decided I'm going to give Stan my most precious gift...

Sam

Wow, that sounded really creepy coming out of your mouth.

Dean

I think I delivered it.

Sam

So what kind of thing likes virgins and gold?

Dean

P. Diddy?

Sam

You know, it's comforting.

Dean

What's that?

Sam

I died for a year, came back, and you're still not funny.

Sam

Castiel, um...I'm back. So, if you got a minute...

Castiel

Sam. It's so good to see you alive.

Sam

Yeah. You too.

Sam

Um...Look, I-I would hug you, but—

Castiel

—it would be awkward.

Sam

Um...so crazy year, huh? I-I just talked to Bobby. He told me everything that happened.

Castiel

Frankly, I'm surprised that you survived. I was begging Dean not to do it.

Sam

Yeah. No, I-I-I can understand that.

Castiel

You know, it's a miracle it didn't kill you.

Sam

Yeah. Yeah, it's a miracle, all right.

Castiel

So, how does it feel?

Sam

What?

Castiel

Well, to have your soul back, of course.

Sam

Right. Y-you mean 'cause I was walking around with no soul. Uh... Really good, Cas. I'm real good. You know what? I'm—I'm just hazy on a few of the details, though. Um... You think maybe you could...walk me through?

Where's your partner? The big bald guy? Agent Wynand, right?

Sam

Agent Wynand, of course. Well -

Dean

Sex rehab. Yeah, you've heard of plushies, right?

Dean

One of dad's rules? You never use the same crapper twice.

Sam

Everyone uses the same crapper twice.

Dean

Not us... You know what I mean.

Dean

Sam, you-you gotta understand that all that crap last year, all of it, none of it was you.

Sam

Let's be crystal clear, okay? It was me.

Dean

(walks away) Can I get you anything?

Sam

What are you now, my waitress?

Dean

I'm just trying to make you feel better, don't be a bitch.

Sam

Yeah, I'm fine.

Dean

(sarcastic) Yeah, you look fine. (serious) All I'm saying is everything's gonna be okay.

Sam

I don't know Dean, if I did this here, then who knows how many oth— (Sam falls to the floor in a violent seizure)

Dean

Sammy? Sam?! Sammy, talk to me!

Dean

How do you feel?

Sam

Like I got hit by a... planet.

Sam

How long was I out again?

Dean

I'm tellin' you, like two or three minutes. Why, what'd it feel like to you?

Sam

'bout a week, give or take.

Sam

Dean, I might have done... who knows what. And you want me to just forget about it?

Dean

You shove it down, and you let it come out in spurts of violence and alcoholism.

Sam

That sounds healthy.

Dean

Well, it works for me.

Sam

Wait, that anatomy dummy you were molesting at the lab.

Dean

Excuse me?

Sam

What if that's what this is about?

Dean

What exactly are you accusing me of?

Dean

They put frickin' makeup on us! Those bastards!

Sam

Look, I think I know what this is.

Dean

Okay, what?

Sam

It's a TV show.

Dean

(sarcastic) You think?!

Sam

Well, I mean, here, wherever here is, thi-this Twilight Zone Balthazar zapped us into... for whatever reason, our life is a TV show.

Dean

Why?

Sam

I don't know.

Dean

No, seriously, why? Why would anybody wanna watch our lives?

Sam

Well according to the interviewer, not many people do.

Sam

I'm just saying we landed in some dimension where you're Jensen Ackles, and I'm something called a Jared Padalecki.

Dean

Oh, so what, now you're Polish?!

Sam

If there's a key, then there has to be a lock. And when we find the lock, we can get the weapons, and then we can have the weapons. And the lock, we'll also have the lock, I imagine because we've opened it, and of course, the initial key... a-and...

Dean

(abnormally deep voice) We need to get all three of that crap.

Sam

What?

Dean

That's how he does it!

Sam

(hitting a wall in Bobby's house) Solid. (with relief) It's real. Nice.

Dean

Yeah. Yeah, real, moldy, termite-eaten home sweet home. Chock full of crap that want to skin you. Oh, and uh, we're broke again.

Sam

(sarcastic) Yeah. But, hey... at least we're talking.