SummerSlam quotes

[as CM Punk celebrates his win, becoming undisputed WWE Champion] What a SummerSlam, ladies and gentlemen, here tonight in Los Angeles. What a SummerSlam. [Punk turns around to find Kevin Nash, who clotheslines him] Wait a minute, oh my God! Who the hell?! Who the hell is that?!

What the hell?

Kevin Nash! That's Kevin Nash!

You got to be kidding! That's my big homey!

What is he doing here?! [Nash powerbombs Punk] Oh my God, the Jackknife Powerbomb! [Nash leaves through the audience as Triple H looks on in bewilderment. Meanwhile, Del Rio walks down with a referee and the briefcase] Oh my lo...OH MY GOD, Alberto Del Rio, Mr. Money in the Bank...

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh, my goodness.

...with a referee in tow!

Timing is everything!

Del Rio! Del Rio with the Money in the Bank contract! He's cashing it in!

[the bell rings] Alberto Del Rio cashing in his Money in the Bank contract!

CM Punk...

I don't believe this.

...taken out by Nash! [Del Rio kicks Punk in the head] Del Rio, kick to the back of the head! The cover! [The ref counts to three] Oh, my lord! Del Rio's Champion! Del Rio's Champion!

The winner of this match and NEW WWE Champion: Alberto Del Rio!

[as Del Rio celebrates, being handed the title] This is absolutely unbelievable! What a turn of events!

Pandemomium at SummerSlam!

What this is, guys, this is destiny tonight for Alberto Del Rio!

But what was Kevin Nash doing here?!

Triple H trying to figure out...trying to make sense of everything that has happened here.

As we are. This is total chaos. I think that Alberto Del Rio is now the undisputed WWE Champion.

He is! He is!

Did you say "think"? Alberto Del Rio is the new WWE Champion here tonight at SummerSlam! He cashed it in!

Triple H has no idea what's happened. Del Rio cashed in his Money in the Bank contract...

But he did it after CM Punk was laid out by Kevin Nash, who had...what the hell was he doing here?! Well, there's our undisputed Champion, Alberto Del Rio! What just happened?!

[on the "YES!" chants] The chants are really getting to Daniel Bryan.

I'm gonna point out what I've been saying all along. This is extremely unfair for Daniel Bryan. The crowd's distracting him.

You just really can't make up your mind, can you? You're indecisive. I remember when you couldn't stand Daniel Bryan; now you're at the top of his fan club.

Well, he's won me over.

I heard you've got a seven-year-old son you haven't named yet. Come on, make up your mind about things, Cole.

[after Triple H had tapped out to Brock Lesnar] You have to wonder if this is the end for Triple H.

Wow, I think he just said goodbye.

Throughout literary history, there have been several prolific pairings. Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson; to dumb it down for all of you halfwits, Batman and Robin. Each duo had something in common—there was a leader and an inferior sidekick or lackey. Cody Rhodes was my sidekick, and tonight I send him back from whence he came, from his family of carnival clowns. SILENCE! Team Rhodes Scholars could have been the ultimate prolific pairing. But tonight, I send Cody back to the pairing he was destined for,with his father—Dumb and Dumber. You're welcome.

And his opponent, from San...[Alberto stops her and whispers into her ear] Ladies and gentlemen, Alberto Del Rio is insisting that I introduce him in Spanish. Desde San Luis Potosí, Mexico, pesando doscientos treinta y nueve libras. Él es el campeón de peso completo, Alberto Del Rio!

Lilian had better be careful. We know what happened to the last ring announcer for Alberto Del Rio.

Bryan for a cover, hook of the leg...[Triple H counts to three] HE DID IT! DANIEL BRYAN DID IT! DANIEL BRYAN IS WWE CHAMPION!

Oh man!

The winner of this match and NEW WWE Champion: Daniel Bryan!

The fairytale has come true! The dream of a lifetime! The decade of perseverance and hard work has paid off! Daniel Bryan is on top of the world!

It's said before, but they're right—miracles can happen!

Daniel Bryan is WWE Champion!

The beard is here, and the Champ is here!

This could be the year of the beard.

I hear voices in my head...

Oh my God. Oh my God!

You've gotta be kidding me.

Mr. Money in the Bank, Randy Orton, briefcase and contract in tow.

Randy Orton's gonna cash in.

Is Randy Orton gonna ruin Bryan's moment? [Randy holds the briefcase up, takes a few steps toward the ring...] The Champ not backing down. [...then turns around and walks back] And Randy Orton with a little message, just a little reminder to the WWE Champion.

Yeah. "I'm still here."

[as Randy stops halfway up and turns around] YES!

[chanting] YES!

Wait a minute.

Oh my God! OH MY GOD!

What are you doing?!

What the hell?! [...and Pedigrees him. Randy enters the ring and hands the briefcase to Triple H.] Oh my God, no. Oh my God, no! Hunter, what are you doing?!

[handing the briefcase to the announcer] Ring the bell now. Ring it.

Hunter, what are you doing? This match is underway. Bryan's out cold. [Randy turns Daniel onto his back and covers him.] Randy Orton...[Triple H counts to three, with the crowd counting alongside him] Randy Orton has cashed in Money in the Bank. Randy Orton is a seven-time WWE Champion.

The winner of this match and NEW WWE Champion: Randy Orton!

Oh my God! Triple H, wha...?

What the hell just happened?

[struggling to say it] It just isn't real.

Talk about a damper on the party. This is the damnedest SummerSlam I've ever seen.

You've gotta be kidding me.

You can't help but feel bad for Daniel Bryan.

Daniel Bryan...Daniel Bryan.

Well, you know what, guys? Look at it this way—Mr. McMahon just got his wish. He didn't want Cena to be Champion, and he sure as hell didn't want Daniel Bryan to be Champion.

Randy Orton didn't even have to do a thing. After that Pedigree, he just turned Daniel Bryan over, covered him, and the Game counted 1-2-3; we got a new WWE Champion. What on Earth have we just witnessed? What does this mean?! What's gonna happen?!

In a summer dominated with talking robots, talking monkeys, and talking Ninja Turtles, tonight, you are blessed in be in a presence with a real-life, non-CGI movie star. A man who possesses something that Drax the Destroyer to Hercules to every single person in this town wishes they had—[points to his face] this, the moneymaker. See, tonight, I wanna make Dolph Ziggler go from a bright, shiny star that everybody's been talking about, to an unrecognizable failure. In other words, I'm gonna make WWE Dolph Ziggler, Superstar, the WWE version of the Lakers.

[on Maria Menounos] She once called me her favorite host of all time at WrestleMania.

What?

She later admitted that she was under the influence.

On Paige's 22nd birthday, she becomes a 2-time Divas Champion!

Guys, we've had two matches and two title changes here tonight.

What an incredible performance by Paige, and what a counter, guys, of AJ's Black Widow submission maneuver.

What an incredible SummerSlam so far! Happy birthday, Paige!

Look at...look at this.

Paige does have affection, she does love AJ.

Come on, this is... As you said, Michael, that's a little creepy.

Whack-job.

Champion.

What a specimen. [Brock picks up Cena over his shoulders] Oh, my God, Cena on top. Brock Lesnar. Brock Lesnar going for the F-5. [Lesnar hits the F-5 and covers Cena] For the Championship, Lesnar with the cover. [Referee counts to three] Lesnar has won the WWE World Title in convincing fashion!

The winner of this match...and NEW WWE World Heavyweight Champion: Brock Lesnar!

That is the most dominating performance I have ever seen in a championship match in my life.

It wasn't even close.

My God.

Lesnar has conquered John Cena.

Lesnar destroyed a 15-time World Champion, he destroyed the Streak. This man, Brock Lesnar, is unstoppable.

This was a merciless assault.

I think Brock could've ended it earlier. He just didn't want to. I never dreamed I would see this happen to John Cena.

What a 2014 for Brock Lesnar - the most dominant year of any athlete here in WWE! He stops the undefeated streak at WrestleMania of the Undertaker, and he slays John Cena!

[to Brock] You are the conqueror, and you've conquered the WWE Universe!

You know, I've spent the last 16 years talking about politics; it's nice to be back in reality.

Brooklyn, now, we know that your city is used to feeling filthy and disgusting, so we brought you some positivity. I mean, look at how clean we are. Everybody, get your cameras out and see how good we look!

They are clean.

You see, today, we're gonna teach up about a little something called hip...hop, something that New York doesn't know anything about. Y'all don't know nothing about hip-hop, because hip-hop originated in the South.

Peace up, A-Town down!

So it goes a little something like this. [The New Day enters the ring] Hold on now, come on, come on. You know Jay-Z's tried this, but Jay-Z failed. The good news is the New Day's about to make it a whole lot better. All right, pitch pipes to C. Pitch pipes to C.

Got it.

[to tune of "Empire State of Mind"] Let's hear it for New Day

Negativity won't affect us

Clap 'cause it's infectious

Let's hear it for New Day

All those other tag teams are booty

Let's hear it for New Day

New Day, New Daaa...[brief stop for breath]...aaayyyyy

Jay-Z's gonna sign those guys if he can afford 'em.