I am psyched for this photo-shoot of yours.
I want to commission a scientific study of how news travels in this building!
Hey, I'm not even sure there's such a thing as the Internet. It might just be Jeannie telling everyone stuff.
All S1
S1 E9The Option Period
S1 E10B-12
Did you read Martha O'Dell's column on Tuesday?
Yes.
Do you agree that it's terrible that she sourced an anonymous web-posting to support her point?
I liked the piece.
Never disagree with me.
It made me sick.
It took a lot of convincing, but Suzanne's agreed to be your assistant.
Yeah?
If you'll take me.
I'll take the hell out of you.
Is there a way you'd like me to dress?
Sure, but I have to wake up for school now.
[Matt once again jokingly reminds Danny that he can't have a B-12 shot if he's pregnant.]
You know, Chevy Chase woke up one day and just wasn't funny anymore.
Don't let the nurse give me the shot! [Danny re-enters, having gone to fetch the nurse]
DJDanny/Jordan
You're/I'm Pregnant.
S1 E11The Christmas Show
[In a doctor's waiting room, Danny to Jordan from a magazine titled Expectant.]
If you were over 35, then what we gotta do is stick a needle about half a foot into your stomach, and get some fluid from your pre-natal girth.
Why are you here?
Morale.
I really don't need help.
Not now, but you will soon, 'cause this says you gonna have to make a journey of 1200 miles to bury your eggs in the warm mud.
Danny....
Wait, that can't be you.
(snickering) No.
It's an Alaskan King Crab that does that.
[In the examining room, Danny snipes about the father of Jordan's baby.]
This is the time for a lecture?
No, that was about twelve weeks ago. By the way, did you and the last honest man on the planet get loaded on Jägermeister and forgot that there's like five hundred different kinds of birth control?
DDoctor
Have you told anyone?
Just my assistant, Kevin. That's it.
DDoctor
And... Mr. Tripp?
I had to tell him.
She wanted to.
I was semi-conscious. I had to make sure he wasn't gonna force a B-12 injection on me.
DDoctor
You've just described the beginning of every great love story.
[Matt plops down a tiny mounted pine on the writers' conference table.]
AAndy
What are you, Linus?
Yes. Yes I am. I carry with me the true meaning of Christmas.
DDarius
You carry with you a dead Christmas tree.
All Christmas trees are dead,they've been cut down.
I've been married twice before, and I'm a recovering cocaine addict, and I know that's no woman's dream of a man -- or of a father. Nonetheless, I believe I'm falling in love with you. If you wanna run I understand. But you better get a good head start, 'cause I'm coming for you, Jordan.
[A squirrel-cheeked Jordan stares at him, speechless.]
You should go ahead and chew that sandwich now.
You have to understand that pro-family groups support us in this time of war, just as long as they don't have to see of hear what fighting a war looks or sounds like.
S1 E12Monday
Ted, believe me, I wish this was a fight for ethics. I wish this was a conversation about the integrity of the news. But it's not. It's about preventing ourselves from being a laughingstock.
AAtkins
Well, I don't feel like a laughingstock.
That's only because you're a moron.
[pause]
AAtkins
Wilson, you're backing up what he said?
WWilson
Yes - including and especially you being a moron.
Twelve hundred dollars I gotta give to abstinence people?
Twelve hundred and one.
Alright, do it, and can you find me some non-profit organization that fundamentally does the opposite of what these guys do, so I can donate an equal amount to them, and make it a wash?
That means an organization that encourages people to have sex?
It's L.A. You should be able to throw a rock and hit one.
S1 E13The Harriet Dinner, Part 1
[Stuck on the roof with Danny, Jordan can't understand why he's so upset about Harriet's premature "funny voice" promo.]
It's not the end of the world!
No, it's not. But it's a continuation of the one-sheet world.
What's a one-sheet world?
You know, a movie poster, a one-sheet. "I think we'll do the Green Lantern -- I can see the one-sheet now. Don't worry that we don't have a story -- we're gonna make all our money before word-of-mouth can kill us, anyway." We elect Presidents the same way. "He's got a big name, he'll raise money, he'll get the nomination! We'll teach him how to be President later!"
SSam
Yeah, what's going on with Danny and Jordan?
I don't know, we should talk about it a little closer to the microphones.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.