Harriet Hayes quotes from Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip

Harriet

Shut up, you live off Mulholland, there are other streets in the country where marriage is still important.

Matt

It's important off of Mulholland too, but let me ask you something how is my marriage, your marriage, or anyone else's marriage even marginally affected by the gay couple two doors down from them also getting married, and if it does, how is that their problem?

Harriet

People knock on closed doors in America! Were the two of you raised on a farm?!

Tom

I was.

Simon

I was raised over a heroin dealership.

Harriet

That's no excuse for bad manners.

Matt

I am psyched for this photo-shoot of yours.

Harriet

I want to commission a scientific study of how news travels in this building!

Matt

Hey, I'm not even sure there's such a thing as the Internet. It might just be Jeannie telling everyone stuff.

Yeah, what's going on with Danny and Jordan?

Harriet

I don't know, we should talk about it a little closer to the microphones.

Matt

Isn't it possible that Mary got pregnant by another man, and Joseph stepped up so his wife wouldn't get stoned to death by the village?

Harriet

No.

Matt

It's more likely that an angel inseminated her, and she gave birth to a magical wizard who could rise from the dead?

Harriet

He's not David Copperfield!

Matt

Science is something you believe in, science has to be proven, or they don't get to call it science

Harriet

Wouldn't it be great if you knew something about Christians, before you start...

Matt

It's a fairy tale!

Harriet

No, it's not

Matt

We've been having this fight for six months!

Harriet

We've been having this fight for two years!

Matt

We have been having this fight in two different millennia, now!

Harriet

You're engaged?

Danny

Yeah

Harriet

And there's a baby?

Danny

Yeah

Harriet

Because like an hour ago none of this was true.

Danny

Yeah, things are moving fast tonight.

Danny

What are you doing?

Harriet

Cheering you up with a little Holly Hunter.

Danny

Yeah?

Harriet

It's what I'm here for.

Danny

How is it no one's ever hit you in the head with a potato?

Harriet

I duck and weave, baby.

Harriet

You kept that from me?

Matt

When you're high, you keep it from everyone. (Harry hits him) Ow.

Harriet

Not me. Never me. I'm the one person.

Matt

Ok.

Harriet

I'm the one person, always.