Geoffrey Jellineck quotes from Strangers with Candy

Jellineck

I was a complete zero, Jerri.

Jerri

And now?

Jellineck

Well, and now you can multiply that zero by a hundred!

Jerri

Wow, that must be a lot.

Noblet

Why are you pushing me away?

Jellineck

I'm not pushing you away. I'm pulling me towards myself.

Jellineck

I was just pawing at your dead father a moment ago and it really helped.

Jerri

You know, I think I saw him today. He was waiting for a bus and I screamed, "Daddy! Daddy! You're not dead!" But I think he had to go somewhere, because he ran away really fast.

Jellineck

Mrs. Blank, I think it's time someone who truly loves her try to reach her.

Sara

No, I think I should.

Jellineck

Hey, Jerri! I know you're in there. Listen, I have no idea what you went through. I don't have any answers, I'm not acting in your best interests. Why won't you trust me?

Jerri

I wanna go back! Those people care about me!

Jellineck

Yes, maybe that's true. But do they care about me? I don't think so. Do you see the flaw in your logic now?

Jerri

No.

Jellineck

Agh! I can't reach her! She's lost in some frightening world that isn't centered around me!

Jellineck

Perhaps Chuck could get through to her. He was in the cult for 45 seconds, he knows.

Noblet

I'll try, but we'll need to be alone.

Blackman

All right, everybody out.

Noblet

Thank you. Thank you. [waits until everybody has left, then turns quickly to Jerri] Okay, Jerri, let's go!

Jerri

Where?

Noblet

[tugging on her arm] Back to the cult!

Jerri

How?

Noblet

[opening the furnace] Through the furnace and then out through the air shaft!

Jerri

We'll burn to death!

Noblet

Father will protect us! Where is your faith, woman?!

Jerri

How was the city of Pompeii lost?

Jellineck

No one knows. It was buried under tons of lava, which of course destroyed all the records.

Jellineck

We'll go on a hunger strike!

Jerri

Both of us?

Jellineck

Yeah! You won't eat and I won't feed you!

Noblet

As it is the end of our school year, I thought it would be be-hoovy if I used my final lesson to talk about eschatology, or the study of the end of things. Now, I asked my lover, Mr. Jellineck, to make some transparencies.

Jellineck

He's just kidding, we're not lovers. We just have sex.

Noblet

Hot, ass-thumping sex.