This seahorse used to make me so happy. Now it's just giving me whiplash. [ride stops] I feel like there's just no point to it, y-y'know what I mean?
[shaking on jellyfish ride] I just feel tingly-y-y-y-y!
[sighs] You'll understand when you have a job.
I do have a job! I protect humanity from magic and monsters and stuff!
I mean a real job that you get paid for.
I'm paid in the smiles across the town's faces.
I don't see anyone smiling. You pick up a job to buy a house, or raise kids, or to... impress your dad. You work away your life, and what does it get you?
No! You get cash. Cash that can't buy back what the job takes. [leans, observes the gloomy beach] Not if you rode every seahorse in the world... [sighs]
Whoa... [beat] Wanna try the jellyfish?
You were great, Frybo. The kids today just didn't understand. And now... [cries] they never will...
Weren't people scared of it before he attacked them?
It's time... [takes out lighter] to send him off.
[he lights the suit on fire, as Pearl, using the end of her spear, along with Steven's clothing push it out to the moonlit sea]
[sighs] As greasy in death... as he was in life.
Dad? Um... I'll... Are you going to get another costume? [long beat]
..Nah, I don't need another Frybo. I've got... [puts arm around Peedee] the Fryman.
[beat. Steven turns to Pearl smiling and posing heroically while standing naked]
Pearl, I think our work here is done.
[frowning] Put your clothes on, Steven.
[Amethyst shows off her shapeshifting abilities]
Amethyst, you're overdoing it.
[as a bluejay] Ah, chill it, dude!
Just because you can shapeshift, doesn't mean you should.
[sarcastically, transformed into Pearl] Well, of course I can! I'm perfect! [slaps her behind] WHOMP, WHOMP! [laughs as Pearl pushes her aside]
All Gems have shapeshift powers, Steven. We can turn into objects, we can change parts of our bodies, or... we could do that.
[slapping her behind again] WHOMP, WHOMP!
Enough! No more cat fingers! I want Steven fingers!....And I don't mean little me heads on fingers, I mean my REGULAR fingers! Uggghhh! [a spot on his head turns into a cat, then his arm turns into a cat] Wha! Aahhh! Stop! [his foot turns into a cat] Amethyst! [various parts of his body turn into cats] Pearl!...Garnet! [gasp] Dad!
[hoses the ground while singing along to his headphone music and hears a bang] Hello? Who's there? [cat-covered Steven crawls in] We're closed,come back tomorooaaaah!!! [sprays Steven with hose]
Huh? [sees Steven's face among the cats] Steven?
Dad! [starts tearing up] Help!,The cat fingers are taking over my body!
Hold on, I'll get you out of there! [a cat bites him and throws him to the side]
Bad! Bad cat fingers! [he steps in a puddle and the cats makes him jump to the roof]
Can't you make them go away?
I tried, but it made it worse! My life is over! I can't go on magic adventures! I can't even open the fridge! And I'll never get to have another water fight with you dad! Because these things hate...water! They hate water! Dad, spray me again! [Greg sprays him and he jumps down, then, the cats run towards Greg]
Steven! [climbs onto dock and holds his hand] Okay, let me see it. W-? Y-you got them to go away? [Steven smiles] It just goes to show, always listen to me, and never listen to Amethyst.
It goes to show, you should have a little more faith in Steven. [Pearl blushes]
Yeah, that would have been a total "cat-tastrophe"!
APAmethyst and Pearl
[sarcastically] Hahahahaha...
But I'm feeling much better "meow"!
[The Gems groan]
What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?
Okay, that's enough. [The Gems leave in annonyance]
Wait, l've been comimg up with cat jokes all morning. You guys, l'm "feline" fine. Everything's "purr"- fect!
[Steven walks to the girl beside the cliff]
"Hi! My name is Steven." "Hi, my name is Stevan." "Hi... my name is... Stefan?"
[loud roaring is heard, the ground trembling; part of the Crystal Temple to break off. Steven gasps, runs over and jumps on top of her]
[Steven's gem starts to glow and encases them both in a giant bubble; the falling debris shatters upon contact]
Whoa! How do I do that? [turns to her] Hi! My name... is Steven! [she adjusts her glasses]
GGirl
Connie. What... happened?
I'm magic. Well, half-magic, on my mom's side.
Apparently. I'm a member of the Crystal Gems. We fight monsters and protect humanity and stuff.
Oh! That's kinda like my dad. He's a cop. Well... more like a private security guard.
[they both take a long pause at each other]
So... How long does it usually last?
Oh! Right. [he strains his arms and himself, pats his gem]
It, uh... doesn't seem to wanna go away.
[Steven then pushes his side of the bubble, straining]
So, I don't see you around that often. [they start rolling forward]
My dad works for a bunch of different beaches, so... we're never in the same place long.
I go on adventures with the Gems sometimes. They usually say it's too dangerous for me, though. [strains on some rocks, falls down] Ugh!
Do you always go in a bubble?
No, this is new. I dunno what this is. But it's okay! The Gems will knew what to do!
[they reach the Beach House, rolling up the steep hill and back down]
Aw, what?! [pushes his side, straining] Hey! Guys! Garnet, help!!
[pause] I don't think they can hear you.
[facepalms] Aww, that's right! I told them not to watch.
We can just wait here until they come out.
No, no, no, it's okay! I've got other friends that can help.
Oh, sorry! Are you alright? [Connie stands up] It's not so bad. [looks up] Uhh... It-It's okay! I, uh—
It's not okay!! You keep saying that but you don't know what you're doing! Now we're going to suffocate or starve at the bottom of the ocean, and only my parents will notice because no one else cares about me!
[crying] I'm gonna disappear without ever making a single friend...
[she sits down wallowing in tears. Steven presents the bracelet, illuminating a glowing brilliance to her]
We can be friends. [beat] I saw you at the boardwalk parade last year. You dropped your bracelet. I picked it up, but then I couldn't find you. I saved it in the freezer so it would last longer, in case I saw you again.
Oh! You were the kid on the car wash float. [chuckles] You had soap bubbles in your hair.
I was supposed to be a scrub brush. [both chuckle] I'm sorry, Connie. [puts bracelet on her arm] If I had returned your bracelet back then, you wouldn't be stuck in this bubble with me now.
No, it's okay! I'm having fun.
Looks like we're gonna have to split up.
Right. Steven and I will stay right here where it seems to be safe... while you guys go and solve the mystery of this place.
Wait! I wanna help solve the mystery!
Yeah! Come on, Steven! [picks him up] Let's solve the mystery.
Yeah! Mystery solvers! [Pearl takes Steven]
Nope. No, no, no, no, you two are a disaster waiting to happen.
But remember — this is a serious mission.
[still being held by Pearl] Understood. Serious Steven... Pearl, can you put me down?
What? Oh, yes, of course. [lets him down]
I need to be standing or else it doesn't work. Serious Steven... activate!! [goes with Garnet]
But this could be the teacups all over again!
Hey! I've put that behind me.
We're back where we started.
Whaaat?! [Pearl comes in]
Garnet! There you are! The doors and rooms here make no sense! They all bring you back here! [Amethyst runs out of a door growling and screaming]
Get me outta here! [runs into another door]
There are sixteen doors and we entered from the northeast, and went through three consecutive rooms in a straight line... [Amethyst returns with a bear trap on her head]
Ow! Rrrrr-rah!! [throws bear trap, runs back where she came]
But arrived back here out the southernmost door, which can only mean... W-well, I don't know what it means! I— [cool mist blows out; Amethyst slides along inside a block of ice] This is a death trap!! [tries to break Amethyst free with her spear]
We go back in... again, and again, and again, and again.
No! No, it's not! You were all right about me! I wanted to do this so bad, but now I feel like I'm gonna throw up. THIS IS JUST LIKE THE TEACUPS!!!
Oh, Steven, I-I didn't really mean that—
WAAAAIT!!! Ah!! Wait, you guys! What if this is just like the teacups? That's why we're getting so lost... That's why I'm feeling so sick! All the rooms are spinning us around so we end up here!
How could you possibly think punching a blood polyp was a good idea?! Look at all the gunk you got on me! And look at Steven! [brief pause; Steven is nowhere to be found]
YYin
He's gone! Gone, gone, GONE!
[rushes back to the gems] It's not so bad once you get use to it! Why? 'Cause you like dogs, princesses, whores, and [in a bossy attitude] To eat my shorts!
He certainly won't brotherfuckin' like it when it hardens!
Uh, what? Uh, I'm gonna go wash. [begins to walk away]
He shouldn't have been so close in the first place. [Steven hardens in place near fridge]
How was I supposed to know they pop? [Steven struggles]
You're always putting us in danger with your little outbursts! [Amethyst ignoring her] Ugh, you are just... so childish!!
Yeah, yeah. Don't forget: reckless, vulgar, "loudmouthed". And that's just what makes me so AWESOME!! RIGHT, GARNET?!!
Amethyst... you are a Crystal Gem. You need to act like it. [Amethyst pauses for a long beat]
Fine. [walks through temple door into her room]
I think we really got through to her. [Garnet sighs; she walks to the front door with Pearl behind] Right, Garnet? [she closes door, Steven is still hardened]
Wait! I want to tell you Purple Puma's backstory. He was the wildest cat in the jungle, so wild that the others cats couldn't take it. So she, I mean he went to look for somewhere he fit in, somewhere with other people who felt misunderstood.
That really sounds like Steven. [Lars shushes Sadie]
That's why we're all here. To be wild and free, and body slam each other, and wear cool costumes, and make up nicknames and and uh..so can't we just have this? Can't we just wrestle? [Garnet takes microphone]
No. [everyone gasps] Because we are the...Notorious Order of Wrestling Haters.
That's right! Um...we want to stop all wrestling everywhere! Are you going to let us destroy all wrestling?
You gotta save wrestling! Come on! Tiger! Puma! Tiger! Puma!
Ah! No no no. [A sand wall erects behind him, gasps] No, no! [flinches; Steven prepares to be attacked but Lion simply yawns and lies down in front of him. Steven cautiously approaches him]
Ah! [Backs away] Don't bite! [Backs away again; Steven quickly learns he is seemingly harmless and begins to pet him, which Lion allows]
Aw, you just wanted attention [pets] Didn't you, didn't you? Your mane, it's so soft. [buries face in mane] So, you from around here? I'm just here on business. I really like your pink fur. You're like the cotton candy of the jungle. I always wanted an animal friend. But I thought it'd be like a goldfish. Or a dinosaur! But I guess fate had other plans for Steven Universe [Lion puts paw over Steven, whispers to self]...and his best friend Lion.
[about to bubble desert glass] We should've done this in the first place.
[to Lion] So I guess, this is goodbye. We had some good times, but I'm sure you have other magical stuff, to smash with other magical boys. [moving Lion's lips] "I love you Steven. I want to stay with you forever!" [gasp] Really? Guys you hear that?
Are we really going to let him keep that?
[laughs hysterically] Oh, oh ho ho, "kept Amethyst", oh Garnet, that's priceless!
Yay, Lion! [makes Lion wink] Wink!
Welcome to a wonderland of funtronic gameventions! [laughs]
Humans find such fascinating ways to waste their time.
Pearl! [takes her hand] Pearl come on, you'll love this game! [leads Pearl away]
If you say so. [Sits down at racing game] Road Killer?
Yeah, pick the car you like and just go for it!
W-well, which one of these buttons is my turn signal?
None of them. Have fun. [leaves]
RKRoad Killer
Vroom vroom, kill the road!
