Uncle Grandpa quotes from Steven Universe

Uncle Grandpa

Boy, that sure makes my eyes hurt. Now let's see here... [Grab a checklist revealing several other Cartoon Network protagonists] Dexter, Dee-dee, Blossom, Bubbles, Buttercup, Ed, Edd, Eddy, Billy, Mandy, Mac, Juniper Lee, Swat Kats, Flapjack, Finn, Oh! Steven! [checks off Steven's name] Now who's next? [Clarence's name is shown at the bottom of the list]

Steven

Oh, my gosh, Uncle Grandpa! You're really here, I can't believe it! I mean… I literally can't believe it. How is this even possible?!

Uncle Grandpa

Don't worry, bro. None of this is canon. [pulls a real cannon out of Belly Bag] But this is! [launches his head like a cannonball with smoke trails spelling "APRIL FOOLS" and crashes into a ship with Lars and Sadie on it]

Lars

Oh, no!! Our ship!!

Garnet

[huddling up with Pearl and Amethyst] Gem huddle!

Pearl

Obviously, we're dealing with some sort of super powerful, reality-warping entity.

Garnet

He could be a danger to the fabric of space itself.

Amethyst

I don't know, guys. I kinda like him.

Steven

[huddling in] Hey! What are you guys talking about?

Uncle Grandpa

[also huddling in] Are you forming a secret club? [a clone of himself appears] Can we join too?

Oh, hey, it's just me, Pizza Steve—just the coolest and tastiest Steve who ever lived.

Steven

Hi, Pizza Steve! I'm a Steve too. Steven Universe.

Ste-ven Universe... [pops out on top of Steven's hair] Come on, Uncle G. I've got two rules: no more than 40 or 50 vans and only one Steve allowed!

Uncle Grandpa

Yeah, but this Steven is special.

Yeah. He's a Crystal Gem.

Uncle Grandpa

Good mornin Mr. Gus.

What's up, Uncle Grandpa?

Steven

Whoa Mr. Gus! How do you know about me?

I have a comprehensive knowledge of all magical denizens of the multiverse. I know all about the Crystal Gems. Come on, man, check this out. I even made my own Gemsona. [shows art of "Mr. Gusite"] My gem is on my tail and my weapon is a frying pan.

Garnet

There's got to be some way out of here.

Pearl

[extremely panicked] WE'LL NEVER ESCAPE!! THIS IS OUR NEW HOME!

Garnet

Pearl you're overreacting.

Pearl

I'M NOT OVERREACTING! [runs around screaming crazily until she crashes into Amethyst]

Amethyst

Hey, where's Steven? [Pizza Steve walks in dressed like Steven]

Lookin' for me, Pizza Steven Universe? [Pearl gasps, cowers behind Garnet]

Pearl

That's not my baby!

Amethyst

Ah, nice! [eyes on Pizza Steve]

Whoa, hold on!

Amethyst

Pizza!! [chases Pizza Steve offscreen]

Don't eat Pizza Steve! [munching noises]

Garnet

Okay, I'm ready for this episode to end. [stomps her foot on the ground, causing the plot hole to crack and shatter, leaving them back at the beach]

Uncle Grandpa

[sighs] I'm sorry I couldn't help you learn to use your shield, Steven.

Steven

It's okay, Uncle Grandpa. I had a lotta fun today.

Steven!

Garnet

Get away from that man!

Pearl

He's a MONSTER!

Steven

Hey, cut it out, guys. He's done enough already.

[diving towards Uncle Grandpa while beating him up] FINISH HIM!!!

Steven

[rushing in as a chibi] No, don't hurt him! [lets out a small fart; in slow-motion] STOP!!!!!! [his gem begins to glow and halts the Gems, in shock and surprise, with his shield] Whoa! [turns to Uncle Grandpa] I did it, Uncle Grandpa! I really did it!

Uncle Grandpa

Yay.

Pearl

Protecting him activated Steven's powers?!

Garnet

He must really care about this stranger.

Amethyst

I hope he didn't care about that pizza.

Steven

Listen! It was a big, weird surprise when Uncle Grandpa showed up here today. We've never met anyone like Uncle Grandpa, but you can't just attack people you don't understand. You have to stick up for them, and listen to what they have to say. You guys always do that for me.

Pearl

[blushing with tears in her eyes, feeling guilty and sorry] Steven, you're right. [cries emotionally] HOW CAN I BE SO BLIND?! I'M SORRY!

Amethyst

I also apologize for Pearl.

Garnet

Thank you, you taught us a valuable lesson, Uncle Grandpa.