Lapis Lazuli quotes from Steven Universe

Oh, get over it, Percy. Go make another friendship bracelet.

Lapis

Seriously.

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Wow, you guys are looking good. And I love what you did to the barn!

Aww, I know. But wait, wait - you guys have to see the inside! Lapis, fly us in!

Lapis

[smiling] Nnnno.

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[Inside the barn]

Amethyst

You did all this stuff on purpose? Like, you didn't just knock over a bunch of paint cans and go, "Eh, just leave it"?

Oh, no. This was all very intentional. You see, I had this idea: What if we made music, but instead of sounds, we use things!

Amethyst

That's dumb.

Guys, that's art!

Art? That sounds ridiculous!

Lapis

I've been calling it "meepmorp".

Let us show you our... morps. [chuckles]

[She shows them something made from her broken recorder, some cassettes and a blue ribbon]

This piece is called "Wow, thanks". It represents the struggles of intercommunication. The tape is the ribbon that binds our experience on Earth together. It has no functional purpose! It just makes me feel bad! [smiles proudly]

[Lapis shows them a baseball bat, mitt and ball hanging from a stick by string]

Lapis

Here's my meepmorp. This is a baseball bat. It reminds me of when I played baseball. [walks backwards to a leaf sitting on a rock] This is a leaf that Steven gave me. It reminds me of the time Steven... gave me a leaf.

Hey, yeah, it reminds me of that too! [Peridot grins; Amethyst looks nauseated]

[Next is a TV with two mirrors attached, playing Percy in Camp Pining Hearts saying "I just feel trapped" over and over]

[worried] Is this one about... the thousands of years you spent trapped in the mirror?

Lapis

No. I just really like that show.

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Pearl

So Andy, we heard you like marriage, so we thought: why don't we all marry each other?!

[Peridot is holding a wedding cake with multiple figurines]

Ta-daa!

[Andy looks uneasy]

Pearl

And if that's not human enough for you, we can throw in a little being born, and some dying!

[Garnet holds a balloon with "It's a Boy" printed on it, and Lapis gives Andy a headstone with "RIP Andy" on it]

Lapis

[cheerful] We're very sorry for your marriage.

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Did anything happen while we were gone?

Uh… Lion behaved himself, I restocked all the cereal and washed all the towels.

Sounds like everything went well.

Well, there was a little trouble… [Flashback starts at her house, where she enters the living room, talking to Steven on the phone; narrating] When I got that call from you, I could tell you had a lot going on.

[on the phone] Dad's in trouble, and we need to go into space to get him back.

[putting on Rose's sword] I can get there in 15! Or actually, maybe 20, 25 'cause I might have to take the bus--

There's no time! We're going right now! Just protect Beach City for me while we're gone.

[determined] You can count on me! [hangs up and takes a deep breath; narrating] It was a big job for one person, but I felt up to the challenge. I made my way over to your house, and that's when I realized… I wasn't alone. [enters the beach house and hears the sound of a toilet flushing from the bathroom; draws out her sword, heads over to the bathroom, and bursts the door open, finding Lapis and Peridot]

Uh, don't you knock?

Lapis

Weirdo.

Lapis? Peridot? What are you doing here?

Just showing off my old room too-- Oh, wait, actually that's none of your business!

Lapis

Who is this, and what is she doing in Steven's house?

That's Steven's third best friend after me and you.

Um, Lapis, you don't remember me?

Lapis

Hmm…

You almost drowned me when you tried to steal the world's water.

Lapis

[awkwardly] I almost drowned a lot of people.

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To do the job of the Crystal Gems, we need to do the jobs of the Crystal Gems! We four--

Four?

I'm counting Pumpkin.

[Pumpkin barks happily]

We each need to pick someone from the original team, and perform their role in the group! We'll be exactly like them - but better!

That... sort of makes sense.

I call Garnet! I'm obviously best suited to be the boss.

Lapis

You are very bossy.

[happily] Thank you!

Then I'll do what Steven does.

Lapis, you could be Amethyst.

Lapis

Which one is she? [awkward silence] I'm joking.

Great! You're already in character!

What about your pumpkin?

Whatever. She can be Pearl.

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Am I doing it? Am I as aloof and distant as the Garnet?!

Lapis

You were, [imitating Amethyst] until you started to ask so many questions! [does a snorting laugh]

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[narrating] The wash was a wash. And so were the New Crystal Gems.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about what's been going wrong with this team-up, and I think it's obvious now that the problem is ALL OF YOU! Connie, you completely lacked Steven's sentimentality. He would have had a much more inspiring speech yesterday. Lapis, your lack of humour has been hurting our morale. Maybe you should switch with Pumpkin.

Lapis

Let's make Pumpkin the Garnet. You should be the Pearl.

I'm nothing like Pearl! She's so uptight and sensitive! [melodramatic] How dare you?! I'm leaving!

Lapis

[sarcastic] That's so funny, you should be Amethyst.

That's so dumb, you should be a clod!

Lapis

Oh, so now I'm a clod? I think you're the clod.

Wow, your Peridot impression is lousy too!

WILL YOU TWO CAN IT?!

Lapis

[stunned] That's not a very "Steven" thing to say.

I don't care! So I'm not Steven! Maybe he's really great at helping people work out these arguments! Maybe he's really patient and caring, even though it must be hard for him having to be the adult for a bunch of superpowered children!

Lapis

We're both thousands of years older than you.

Then act like it! Be the Gems you've been for thousands of years instead of playing this silly game. It's impossible trying to solve problems if we're just trying to copy other people! Oh, what's the point of this? We'll never be the Crystal Gems, we're just the Crystal... Temps. But we have our own way of doing things. So let's go back to that, to fix this mess we made.

Lapis

[amazed] You do make a good Steven.

Watch it!

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R"Navy" Ruby

Hey Steven, hit that button behind you and I'll show you what this baby can really do.

Uh, you mean the one right here?

R"Navy" Ruby

Yeah, that's the one!

[runs over to the button] I'm gonna press it!

[Once Steven presses the button, the captain's seat is encased in a light tube, while the lights are turned off. The hatches open and everybody, except "Navy", is hanging on the edges of the door]

Navy! Hello! Navy! I think something's wrong with the ship!

R"Navy" Ruby

The only thing wrong is that you're still holding on! [laughs]

Wait, so all this time, all you wanted was your ship?! You could've just stolen it to begin with!

R"Navy" Ruby

I could have done that, but then I would have never gotten to see the look on your face when you were tricked by your favorite little Ruby! [laughs]

Lapis

What?!

Hey! I can't hear what's happening! Is Navy showing us the ocean? Oh 'cause this is a heck of a way to do it!

Lapis

You! Dirty little—

[Lapis tries to climb inside the ship, but "Navy" maneuvers the ship to throw everybody, except herself, off in the ocean]

R"Navy" Ruby

Bye bye!

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Blue Diamond

[freeing herself from the wreckage of the barn Lapis dropped on her] Lapis Lazuli. Does every Gem that comes in contact with this planet turn traitor?! [unleashes her aura again, making everyone (including Connie) fall to their knees and tear up] What?

Lapis

[wipes off a single tear from her eye] I've felt worse. [uses her hydrokinesis powers to chain Blue Diamond's hands with water shackles] Knock her off this beach!

Garnet

Now's our chance! With all our strength together, we can take her down!

That's right! This is our home, our planet, our friends and family! We are the Crystal Gems!

Blue Diamond

[breaks free from the water shackles] Pathetic! You are NOTHING!

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Lapis

What else have you got?! I've only just begun to fight! [gets zapped and poofed to her gemstone by Yellow Diamond]

[shocked gasp] Lapis!

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Bismuth

[emerging from Yellow Diamond's repaired ship] I always wanted to cut an upper crust!

SCSteven & Connie

Bismuth!

You came!

Heck, yeah, we did!

"We?"

Of course!

[Peridot and Lapis emerge from Blue Diamond's repaired ship, both in their new reformed Crystal Gem outfits from the events of "Reunited"]

You thought we wouldn't be here at a time like this?

Lapis Lazuli and Peridot!

Lapis

That felt great.

Wasn't that cool, Steven? Check out the awesome job we did fixing up those hand ships! [the thumb on Yellow Diamond's ship falls off] Uh… who needs thumbs?