Radek Zelenka quotes from Stargate Atlantis

Dr. Weir

Is there anything I can do to help?

Dr. Zelenka

Stop talking, please.

Dr. McKay

There's a command subroutine I've never seen before.

Dr. Zelenka

What is its function?

Dr. McKay

[exasperated] I don't know, because I've never seen it before!

Dr. McKay

You're right. If only we had a magical tool that could slow down time. I foolishly left mine on Earth - did you bring yours?

Dr. Zelenka

You know, you're not pleasant when you're like this, McKay.

Dr. McKay

I'm always like this.

Dr. Zelenka

My point exactly.

Maj. Sheppard

McKay will come up with something.

Dr. McKay

I will try, but despite what you all may think, I am not Superman.

Maj. Sheppard

Was anyone seriously thinking that?

No sir.

Dr. Zelenka

Never.

Dr. Zelenka

Lt. Ford, would you mind being the subject of research papers on statistical improbabilities?

Is this some sort of payback for guys like me beating up guys like you in high school?

[drinking coffee] I don't know what happened, it just stopped working. I got some little functionality back, it's still isn't doing everything it used to.

Dr. Zelenka

Yes, well, maybe if people stop insisting on having food and liquid in such close proximity to the TEN THOUSAND YEAR OLD EQUIPMENT!

Hey! We're very careful! We're not the problem here!

Dr. Zelenka

[sarcastically] Ah, yes. Uh-huh!

Dr. Zelenka

What did you touch?

Nothing! I didn't touch anything.

Dr. Zelenka

Ježiši, já s těma hercema nemůžu dělat! (meaning "Jesus, I can't work with these actors" in Czech)

You didn't say anything that would require security clearance, did you?

Dr. Zelenka

Security clearance?

Dr Weir

Your theory of the Wraith evolving after the Ancients arrived in Pegasus galaxy -

Dr McKay

[in disbelief] Oh, you're kidding me!

Zelenka

Pay up.

Dr. McKay

There's not going to be a problem.

Dr. Zelenka

You don't know that.

Dr. McKay

If it seems like we can't fix it, we'll just turn around and go back! Now, I realize I am invaluable everywhere-

Dr. Zelenka

[annoyed] You know what? Forget it. I take it back!

Dr. McKay

Sorry, nope. You can't take it back because you've just admitted that I'm smarter than you!

Dr. Zelenka

I admitted no such thing!

Dr. McKay

I know it's hard to say, but the truth shone through when you prepared to speak.

Dr. Zelenka

[through gritted teeth] You are a miserable little man.

Dr. McKay

Hey, hey, let's not ruin the moment.

Dr. Zelenka

Yes, well, that would certainly help – but I'm more concerned about the Ancient database – its ability to back up data. It's incredibly redundant.

Dr. Weir

'Incredibly redundant'.

Dr. Zelenka

Yeah, that one never gets old. But seriously...

Lt. Col. Sheppard

First time off world?

Dr. Zelenka

Yes.

Lt Col. Sheppard

Well, if there were any more Wraith, they would have attacked us by now.

Dr. Zelenka

Really?

Lt. Col. Sheppard

If it makes you feel better.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Maybe there's something wrong with him an MRI wouldn't pick up, if you know what I mean.

Dr. McKay

I'm not crazy, I just have another consciousness in my brain.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

So he just looks crazy?

Dr. McKay

I'm sure I do, but only because Dr. Fumbles McStupid here was in way over his head!

Dr. Zelenka

Yes! I made a mistake trying to save your life! Now, do you want to try and fix it, or do you want to continue to berate me some more?

Dr. McKay

I am perfectly capable of doing both at the same time.

Dr. McKay

Okay, we've been over this. I'm doing it manually, at half power. It's a cakewalk.

Zelenka

I don't think it matters how much cake you walk on.

Dr. McKay

Hermiod's going to attempt to remove Col. Caldwell's Goa'uld using Asgard beaming technology.

Dr Beckett

Quite remarkable, actually.

Dr. McKay

And complicated. Well, the calculations are impossibly intricate. You don't want to beam out a chunk of his brain.

Dr. Beckett

Lovely, Rodney.

Dr. McKay

Hey, look who's back! It's Mr. Mom. Fun with the kids?

Dr. Zelenka

[his face is decorated with grass and paintings, struggling to say something] Do not even speak to me! [walks away, with Rodney looking smug]

Dr. Zelenka

Oh! No-no-no-no-no-no – I cannot possibly ... uh, no.

Dr. Weir

Radek.

Dr. Zelenka

I-I ... I can't even swim!

Lt. Col. Sheppard

There's not a lot of swimming under a thousand feet of ocean.

Dr. Weir

(to Radek) Look, I'm not gonna order you to go.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

I will! [Elizabeth shoots him a look]

Dr. Weir

All I'm saying is that if Rodney can't turn to you, who can he turn to?

Dr. Zelenka

[thinks for several seconds] Right. Give me a few minutes and I'll get my gear.