Elizabeth Weir quotes from Stargate Atlantis

Dr. Weir

How are Rodney and Teyla?

Dr. McKay

He shot me!

Lt. Col. Sheppard

They're both fine.

Dr. McKay

You shot me!

Lt. Col. Sheppard

[visibly upset] Yes, Rodney, I shot you, and I said I was sorry!

Ronon

You shot me, too.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

I'm sorry for shooting everyone!!

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Life isn’t fair – it’s just fairer than death.

Dr. Weir

Oscar Wilde?

Lt. Col. Sheppard

The Princess Bride. Good movie.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

You should call her.

Dr. Beckett

Who, Cadman?

Dr. Weir

You two did make a cute couple.

Dr. Beckett

It didn't work out. May have something to do with our first kiss being through Rodney.

Dr. McKay

Oh, I thought we made a solemn vow never to speak of that again!

Dr. Beckett

I remember no such thing.

Dr. Beckett

My turtles!

Dr. Weir

What?

Dr. Beckett

I just bought some wee baby turtles and no one knows to feed them!

Dr. Weir

Well, turtles are pretty hardy. I’m sure they’ll be fine.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

And they make good soup.

Dr. Weir

Hey, if we keep this up, there won't be much of a city left to save.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

I'll try to run the drones into your least favorite buildings...McKay!

Dr. McKay

It should be working!

Dr. Beckett

Well, it's not working!

Dr. McKay

Look, if I give him any more power, he'll wake up and kill us all!

Gen. O'Neill

Is that Dr. Weir I hear?

Dr. Weir

Yes, General, it's good to hear your voice too.

Gen. O'Neill

I didn't say it was good, Elizabeth. Please don't be offended as I express my surprise that Landry would send you on a mission like this.

Dr. Weir

Well, sir, General Landry didn't sanction this mission.

Gen. O'Neill

So am I to assume you're not surrounded by heavily armed SG teams and young, strapping Marines?

Dr. Weir

You've got myself, Sheppard, Teyla, Ronon, McKay, and Dr. Beckett.

Gen. O'Neill

[sarcastic] Oh, Dr. Beckett is it? Well, I'm comforted.

Dr. Beckett

[whispering to Weir] What's that supposed to mean?

Dr. Beckett

Their ear-drums have been perforated.

Dr. Weir

How?

Dr. Zelenka

The whales are emitting an intense, low frequency pulse...like...like a sonar; as well as an EM field. The combination is very dangerous to humans - particularly in such close proximity.

Dr. McKay

[having heard none of this; his voice raised] It's the whales!

Dr. Beckett

[ignoring Rodney] Their hearing's been impaired; it should heal soon...

Dr. McKay

[continuing anyway; his voice still raised] It's their echolocation! It's creating very powerful vibrations! The closer we got, the worse it became!

Dr. Zelenka

Yes... [Raising his voice] Yes Rodney! We know!

Dr. McKay

[after a brief pause] Oh!

Lt. Col Sheppard

[after an even longer pause] What?

Dr. Weir

And how do you know...he's a he?

Dr. McKay

Oh, because I cross-referenced the renderings in the database with the whale outside, and, you'll see, the males have a rather prominent, um-

Dr. Weir

[interrupting] Oh, it's okay, I might-I'll take your word for it.

Dr. McKay

One more time: mysterious energy pulse from a device created by the Ancients. I mean, who knows what kind of long-term effects I could be in for? I mean, there’s gross mutation, giantism, invisibility...

Lt. Col. Sheppard

That would be cool. I turned into a bug.

Dr. Beckett

Alright. Like I said, as far as I can tell, he’s as healthy as a horse. I’m clearing you for active duty.

Dr. McKay

What are you insane?! Look, I need to be put under guard. Who knows what I could become?

Dr. Weir

What are the chances it could make him more pleasant?

Dr. Weir

What else can you do, besides telekinesis?

Dr. McKay

Well, super-hearing for one. And, I'm not sure, but I think I may actually be getting smarter. It's hard to say for sure because I was pretty smart to start with, but recently I've been having thoughts that I don't think even I would have thought of before.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Does super-ego count as a power?

Dr. McKay

Oh, finally! Look, keep it coming.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

We may also be dealing with a super appetite, but it's hard to tell because he ate so much before.

Dr. Weir

Rodney, we need to talk.

Dr. McKay

What do you mean I’m gonna die? I’m not even sick! I feel great -- never better!

Lt. Col. Sheppard

That Ancient device...

McKay

[Reading his mind] ...has accelerated my evolution. [Reading Weir’s mind] Eventually I’ll reach a point where I’m physically capable of ascension, but ascension takes more than that -- there’s a mental component. I need to know how to make it happen... which I don’t. [Reads Ronon’s thoughts] Yet!! I’m getting smarter by the minute, it’s a pretty good assumption I’ll be able to figure it out on the way. [Rodney reads Weir’s mind again]. OK, so it’s not as easy as that. Well, even if I don’t, so I stay a highly-evolved human. I mean, I don’t have to ascend, it’s a choice, right? [John grimaces slightly] No? What do you mean, no? Oh, that stupid Ancient device doesn’t work properly, does it? [He reads Elizabeth’s mind again] It’s set in motion a series of genetic mutations that will result in my death if I don’t ascend?!

Lt. Col. Sheppard

[To Weir] There is something easier about this.

Dr. McKay

That’s why the Ancients didn’t put it into common use, it’s just one more in a long line of abysmal, over-ambitious failures! Oh God. I’m a dead man!

Dr. Zelenka

Absurd!

What are you talking about? It’s a perfectly reasonable request!

Dr. Zelenka

Oh yeah. Perfectly reasonable! I give you all of my food and my people starve.

I am not asking you for all of your food! Plus, I did say that we would make a deal.

Dr. Zelenka

[sarcastically] A deal. Oh yeah. Baskets.

Big baskets! Two dozen of ‘em, hand-woven and very nice.

Dr. Zelenka

Oh, very nice. What am I gonna put in them, huh? Certainly not food!

You know what? I think you’re holding out on me. I think you have plenty of food.

Dr. Zelenka

Are you calling me a liar?!

No, I think you’re trying to squeeze me for a better deal, that’s what I think.

Dr. Zelenka

I have got nothing to hide! Now, if you’re ...

OK, OK, so maybe I’ll send some of my army troops down and we’ll have a look!

Dr. Weir

[very angrily] What the hell are you two doing?

Dr. Weir

I thought I gave specific orders to stay away from this device.

Dr. Zelenka

[quietly, ashamed] Yes, yes, you did.

We just saw that there were some people in trouble and we thought that maybe that we could...um...help.

Dr. Weir

No! No more help. Clearly we are not qualified!

I’ve done everything I could to achieve peace with you.

Really?! Such as?

I sent gifts of goodwill.

[horrified] You sent crates of citrus fruit! Citrus! Do you have any idea what an insult that is to my people?!

It didn’t used to be.

Dr. Weir

OK, see, I think I know where that comes from. Did M - the Oracle tell you that citrus fruit was bad?

He made us aware of its toxic properties, yes.

Everything is toxic to you! [to Elizabeth] If they’re not busy insulting us, they’re complaining about contaminated food, improper hygiene. Even the sunlight is dangerous to them!

Dr. Weir

Weapons fire.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Nine mil. This way.

Dr. McKay

Oh yes, let's race towards the gunfire.

They are constructed of real materials which can be destroyed. Six will be more than enough for now.

Dr. McKay

For now? Isn't it like poking a sleeping dragon? Look, why don't we just wait until Area 51 finishes the P.W.A.R.W.s?

Dr. Weir

Ugh, which one's that again?