John Sheppard quotes from Stargate Atlantis

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Okay, how about some of that help you promised?

Michael

I told you to target the hyperdrive generator.

Lt. Col Sheppard

I already knew that.

Michael

There's nothing more I can do.

Lt. Col Sheppard

Like hell there isn't. Call off the Darts!

Michael

[annoyed] They won't listen to me.

Lt. Col Sheppard

This is NOT helpful, Michael!

Dr. McKay

Where did you come from?

Lt. Col. Sheppard

I managed to latch onto the hull of the hive before we went into hyperspace.

Ronon

Nice move.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Saw it in a movie once.

Dr. McKay

This ship is being seriously damaged, it's hard for me to find something to overload!

Lt. Col. Sheppard

[appearing from around a corner with Michael] Let Mikey try!

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Just out of political curiosity, how much trouble is it gonna cause you if I knock this Woolsey guy in the head?

Dr. Weir

May I ask why you'd like to do that?

Lt. Col. Sheppard

It's just an impulse I had, really...One I suspect I'm gonna have again next time I see him. He may not even have to say anything.

Dr. Weir

I've never seen you like this. What did Woolsey say to you?

Lt. Col Sheppard

Besides judging every damned decision you've ever made?

Dr. Weir

John Sheppard, are you defending my honor?

Lt. Col Sheppard

...And, judging me for agreeing with you.

Dr. Weir

Well, don't be too hard on him. I think of all the circling wolves, he's the least likely to actually bite. In fact, he might even convince the others to leave us alone.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Alright, so...no head knocking?

Dr. Weir

It's the thought that counts.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

How're you doing with the weapons?

Dr. McKay

We couldn't hit the side of a barn.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

But hive ships are a hundred times bigger—

Dr. McKay

[interrupting Sheppard] A giant...flying...barn. We couldn't hit that.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

What the hell is going on?

Dr. Weir

What do you mean?

Lt. Col. Sheppard

What do I mean. We leave for two hours, and Lucius turned you all into Stepford wives.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

[While he's talking Sheppard moves to sit beside McKay] This is creeping me out.

Dr. McKay

[McKay has been hunched over his laptop typing busily] Yeah… reminds me of an old Batman episode actually. Catwoman used a drug to put a spell on Batman...make him fall in love with her. Ended up doing all sorts of evil things for her. [Rodney sits upright] It was kind of a turn on actually…it’s Julie Newmar in the cat outfit…

Lt. Col. Sheppard

[Sheppard is reading McKay's laptop screen, he absently interrupts McKay ] Eartha Kitt was Catwoman.

Dr. McKay

Not 'till season three.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

[surprised] Really?

Dr. McKay

Yeah, you didn't know that?

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Hey, buddy, I'd better get back and clean your quarters before the next scout.

Dr. McKay

[Nervously] Right.

Dr. Weir

Rodney!

Dr. McKay

It was just one teeny, tiny taste for research purposes.

Dr. Weir

Burn it!

Dr. Beckett

All of it!

Dr. Weir

Right now!

Dr. McKay

Alright. Story of my life.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Look, I can't say the Wraith won't be back here again, but I can promise you they're not coming back here because of him.

No. Not once we've sacrificed the Wraithbringer to his masters.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

He prefers "Ronon." Probably also prefers not to be sacrificed to the Wraith.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Look, Teyla. I'm not really good at, uh ... Actually, I'm ... I'm terrible at expressing ... I don't know what you'd call it, uh ...

Teyla

Feelings?

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Yeah, sure, okay. The point is, I don't really have good, uh ...

Teyla

Social skills.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Well, that is why I enjoyed flying choppers in the most remote part of my world before all this craziness happened, but, uh, you should know, I don't have, uh ...

Teyla

Friends?

Lt. Col. Sheppard

[indignantly] No – I have friends. [pause] You, Elizabeth, Ronon, Carson, even Rodney, are the closest thing I have to a ...

Teyla

A family?

Lt. Col. Sheppard

I'd do anything… for any one of you. If I had to give up my life the way Ronon was going to, I would.

Teyla

[smiling] Thank you. For everything you… meant to say.

Ronon

[regarding a specific Wraith] You kill him before I do, I kill you.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

What if he kills you first?

Ronon

Then you kill him.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Put that thing away. We told 'em we were friendly.

Ronon

[holsters his blaster] I'm friendly.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Is that thing set to stun? [Ronon pulls out his gun again and switches it to stun] [sarcastic] Friendlier.

Lower your weapons.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

[not moving] How much lower would you like 'em?

McKay

There is nothing more annoying than people who won't admit their own mistakes. [Zelenka looks at him]

Lt. Col. Sheppard

True.

Dr. McKay

[staring at Beckett] What?

Dr. Beckett

What?

Dr. McKay

Well, it's that look. That's the same look I get when I have a brilliant idea.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

How would you know how you looked?

Dr. McKay

'Cause it's happened more than once in front of a mirror, okay?