John Sheppard quotes from Stargate Atlantis

Lt. Col. Sheppard

They can't all be planets with cool technology and open-minded women.

Dr. McKay

I don't see why not!

Lt. Col. Sheppard

We got the drones, we got a few jumpers; I even got the girl.

Dr. Weir

You got the girl?

Lt. Colonel Sheppard

Well, I mean I could have got the girl. I turned her down.

Dr. Weir

[smiling] What did you offer them in return for the drones and the jumpers?

Lt. Col. Sheppard

A supply of medicines and an IDC if they need to reach us. We also offered to help `em come up with a new way of running things when the time comes.

Dr. Weir

They didn't offer you king?

Lt. Col. Sheppard

I turned that down too!

Will you people stop getting in the way?! [exchanges a few shots with Weir/Phoebus] Go ahead and expend all your ammunition, just like you did last time! Your people don't know how to fight, Phoebus. That's why we're gonna win the war!! [shoots]

This war's not over yet!! [shoots back]

I'll only talk to Weir.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Do I make you nervous.

Not at all, Major. I'm just not interested in talking to the errand boy.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

That's Lieutenant Colonel Errand Boy to you.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Well, I look at it this way: the Genii have tried to kidnap you on numerous occasions to mine that big old brain of yours.

Dr. McKay

Yes.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Well, if we get into trouble, I'll just trade your life for mine.

Dr. McKay

Oh, funny.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Don't worry. If you survive, I'll mount some sort of rescue mission… eventually.

Dr. Weir

Good idea!

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Could have been MENSA.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

It took Dr. McKay years to figure out all things Ancient and he still doesn't completely understand.

Dr. McKay

[defensively] I have a very firm grasp of Ancient technology.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

You've blown up entire planets, Rodney.

Dr. McKay

That wasn't my fault!

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Well, it didn't do it by itself!

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Ah, well, the lead scientist, uh, she's very, um...

Dr. Weir

Hot?

Lt. Col. Sheppard

I was gonna say "attractive." But McKay is acting kinda...

Dr. Weir

Smitten?

Lt. Col. Sheppard

I was gonna say "pathetic."

Dr. McKay

And I have, uh, discovered the ship's name. [he looks at his computer tablet] It's the, um, Hippaforalkus.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

The what?

Dr. McKay

Yeah, well, it appears to have been named after an Ancient general, Hippforalkus.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Well, we're not calling it that!

Dr. McKay

Oh good. Then what about, um ...

Lt. Col. Sheppard

And we're not calling it the Enterprise either!

Dr. McKay

We don't need to go far. [Twirling his finger in the air] Any old orbit will do!

Lt. Col. Sheppard

And then what?

Dr. McKay

[as sarcastically as humanly possible] Well, then, Norena and I were planning a small dinner for us all, nothing fancy ...

Rodney.

Dr. McKay

Well, what does he mean, "Then what"?! Then we won't die horribly!

Dr. Beckett

I think I may be missing something. Correct me if I'm wrong, but when the volcano erupts, don't we as well?

Dr. McKay

That's the plan!

Lt. Col. Sheppard

That's the plan?

Dr. McKay

That's the plan!

Lt. Col. Sheppard

That plan sucks!

Dr. Weir

Rodney, if the hive opens up on us, I want Orion's drones.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Which means we're gonna need the hyperdrive to get in position.

Dr. McKay

Which means we'll need shields, which means you want everything!

Lt. Col. Sheppard

I like everything! Can we do it or not?

Dr. McKay

Well, don't get up! Shields! Yes. Jump into position? Mmmmaybe. Release the drones. [crew member shakes her head] Probably not.

Dr. Zelenka

It's like being handed the Wraith encyclopedia and don't know where to start.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

When I was a kid and got my first encyclopedia, I started with the letter S.

Dr. Zelenka

Yes, well, I'm sure the Wraith sexuality is interesting.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Who's firing on us?!

We got two hiveships bearing down on our position, sir. One of them is the friendly!

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Not so friendly...

Lt. Col. Sheppard

It'll be a walk in the park... a very scary park, filled with monsters who are trying to kill me.

Michael

I don't understand.

Lt. Col. Sheppard

Never mind. [puts on his oxygen mask] Operation 'This Will Most Likely End Badly' is a go.